Fallen Future - Comments

Hi, revival judge for the Hit Me With Your Best Shot contest!

First of all, I'm so sad that this never got finished! This was so amazing and I love the fact that it's a crossover and I know the majority of the characters. I love the setting, how they're surviving in a world of chaos where the mighty Tony Stark was killed is just brilliant, although you wounded me with the killing of Wonder Woman.. So not cool.

I love the character of Robin - he's just got this voice that makes his chapters really enjoyable because he idolises Batman but at the same time hates that he's so distant, that he never gets told anything and that he can get thrown in practically blindfolded without an inkling of knowledge about the plan - as indicated with the situation in Gotham when we first met him.

Jim getting killed was sad too.

Wolverine's inclusion was just a must because he's just always there, you know? He's never not there and having him and the Professor survive is such a plus because duh, they're trying to recruit more supers to help and who else would do that if the Professor and Logan were gone? Probably no-one, that's who.

I am so sad that it ended just when we were meeting Thor and Bruce, and that it's been almost four years since this was touched. Such a gem on this site, honestly. But such a shame too. I absolutely loved reading this, so thank you.

Please please please update :3 Such a good story c:

Please update i just love this story!! :D

Finally a update!! Ive been waiting eagerly and of course a cliffhanger shows up. Yay! Thor by any chance is this inspiration because of the Avengers coming out? Cause I love that movie!

Yay! Glad you updated! Let me just say, I loved the moment between Logan and Jinx! Good Job, guys!

So excited for the next update :) I love how your going with this, it's epic man!

I loved the plot and summary; interesting. I never read anything like it but ten again I don't read superhero storys.

I don't know what it was about that first line but I already knew who it was xD. Good Job.

It was kinda long for a first chapter which usually makes me cick out of a story but it was interesting enough to keep me.

It kept bringing up questions which kind of bugged me but makes me want to keep reading until they are answered.

Good job and good story so far.

Chapter Eight:
Oh god! Zero's character reminds me of my brother. Only my brother would be like that! Yes, I'm laughing or giggling to myself. This chapter is so comical so far and I can tell who's best friends with who now. :)

Aww, poor Bats. His friend, Commissioner Gordon is dead and....

I just feel completely bad for him. >.> I hope Batman will be ok in the end.

Again this was a wonderful chapter and I can't wait to see what you two come up with next. :)

Chapter Seven:
Jennifer seems moody but then again, living with Bane the way she did would make anyone cut themself off from the rest of the world.

But Max on the other hand, I'm loving his character and the way he and Jinx get along is cute. He definitely love the fourth Robin you guys chose and I'm loving Jinx as well.

Chapter Six:
This is a really an intense chapter. Robin's fight with Bane and the timely rescue of Batman all flowed perfectly. When Batgirl was taking off her mask, I was thinking that she was Barbera Gordon, the original bat girl but Jennifer seems just as good. If not, even better. I wonder how thr Boy Wonder will handle her now. )

Chapter Five:
I'm back!

And awww! I'm sad to hear how Tony died. If anything, he would be my favorite Marvel Comics hero if the X-Men weren't all there. And of course, Captain America. ;)

I feel for Jinx. I don't take to flying or heights either. I'd probably be panicking and Logan would have to literally strap me to the seat and duck tape my mouth. Anywho, this chapter is full of descriptions, which is a major plus. It's always a plus actually. :) And like always I can see everything so clearly in my mind.

Haha, it's Peter and The Flash! XD I'm sorry, but that really threw me. But It's funny, though I didn't know you had Raven in there until the Professor mentioned her by name. But it's all good. I can still imagine everyone being there, nonetheless and I really like Kim's motherly/sisterly attitude. Even if she weren't pregnant, I could still imagine it. :)

That sounds really urgnet. The ending of this chapter I mean.

I loved this chapter. Now I can't wait to see what happens on Robin's end. :)

Chapter Four:
Wow, this chapter is...I can't even begin to describe how much I loved it. I know it seems like I'm running out of things to say but that's because in all honesty, I am. I'm completely taken away on how well you two write your chapters.

This story has me hooked. Everything so detailed, every character has been made flawless as far as keeping the canon characters in character and...

Let's just say I wish I was a superhero now. :)

Chapter Three:
I really like how close Jinx and Wolverine have come, and I just realized that Jinx isn't the Jinx from the DC Comics universe, or if she is, then you have made her your own. ^-^

This story has me captivated.

Yikes! I almost thought Jix had injured herself in her sleep, but Logan!? Wow, that's scary but understandable as well, considering all the crap Logan had to go through during the war and stuff.

Despite the scariness in this chapter, you managed to put in a little bit of comedy. This was a great chapter. :)

Chapter Two:
I love the interaction between Batman and Robin (or Max). It's clear that Max looks up to Batman and I love his wittiness, well the sarcasm he has as his attitude. The way you described the remains of Gotham City and Arkham Asylum is definitely clear in my mind. I feel like I'm there alongside Robin, looking around. Though I'm also reminded of the city in Resident Evil.

Keep it up! I am loving this story :)

Why doesn't this story have more readers!? Or comments for that matter? Yes, I'm a big fan of DC and Marvel comics.

Anyways, I love the lay out of this story and the description. I can't believe Captain America was the first to go. >.>

The banner reminds of me of those old Superhero comics where they have the superheroes fighting in the world wars to stop the nuclear bombings and such. Sorry, I ramble sometimes. On to the first chapter.

Chapter One:
I love you introduced the Joker right then and there. Even if I'm not watching the shows or reading the comics, I still feel creepd out by him. The Joker is the only villain in any Superhero comic that creeps me out. To the writer of this chapter, you really kept both him and Jinx in character. I've always loved Jinx in Teen Titans, so this chapter is an automatic win. :)

Oh my lord! It's Wolverine! ^_^ Definitely an automatic win now! I know Wolverine was just introduced but he is completely in character. Wolverine is never to let one touch or hurt someone without a fight. ^_^ Yea, I'm rooting for him to kick the Joker's butt.

You girls really out did yourselves with this chapter. This was a wonderful start. Because I feel extremely generous, I shall comment each chapter....individually. :)

Thank you for the update , I shall read on! Haha , you guys are really good at writing this story, don't give up!

Your descriptions seem a little plain and thin. Here is what I do when getting the scenery ready for my characters entrance. I describe it from a distance, e.g. blankets of rain fall from the colourless sky. Then I describe it up-close, e.g. tiny teardrops leak of the sad leafless tress. Last but not least I describe it from my characters POV, e.g. the rain pats me on the head as if I did a good job or something. So if I am describing snowing mountains from a distance this is how I would do it.

Pale blue shark teeth bite the distant horizon. The crowd of mountains that gather together not far from my village are blocking the new morning sun as usual. But without the mountains there would be no stream passing through the village. From the village the mountains look calm and beautiful, something you’d only see once in your lifetime, but from where I stand I don’t have much life left. The mountain shrieks and blows at us with such incredible force as we make our way up the snowy slope. My heart is so cold and frighten it’s using my lungs for a blanket to hide in. My beard is sprinkled with snow flakes and frozen spit that uncontrollably dribbles from my lips. I wish I’d never thought of climbing to the top of the mountain, but turning back will mean death.

I hope this helps and you finish your book!

Damn, I like your layout. It's simple but I just really like it. The summary was pretty awesome and I'm liking the whole cross-overs of the superheros, it's definitely not something I see very often at all which I like, as I like the new and unexpected :D Before reading the story, I took a glance at your character page and I really admire the amount of effort you put into it, most people do it half-heartedly but I like that you actually have proper paragraphs and stuff for the characters, and it gives a reader a clear idea of the characters.

You know, I like how even though you don't even mention the Joker by name in the first chapter, it was still pretty obvious who he was, since you described his trademark look perfectly and in such a way that it left no doubt in the reader's mind who the person who was speaking is. The Joker is funny, you managed to capture his personality pretty well and give him that insane sort of edge XD I like that XD I really like your descriptions of things, especially when you described the part when the Wolverine comes barging out of the trees. As spacejunkie above me mentioned, it was pretty spot on and your descriptions are fantastic, it wasn't too much nor it was too little, it just kind of adds to the atmosphere and the depth of the world within your story :D Anyway, you did a really good job and even though I only just really commented on the first chapter, I did read the second chapter and you two have very similar writing styles which is good :D Good job once again!

This is not something I normally see on Mibba, which is refreshing. In fact, I don't think I've ever encountered a superhero fanfiction before.

Even having only read a few chapters, I was also very impressed by the standard of writing. This is also much more fluid and professional than I see here often. Some of the sentences were a bit overlong, like this one:

I was woken by raucous laughter and after blinking blearily for a few seconds, I struggled to sit up, taking in my surroundings.

I think that could be broken into two. However, generally, your descriptions are rich rather than overly-wordy. I can appreciate the effort that must have gone into them, and they add a lot of depth to the world you've created, or added to, here.

Occasionally, some of the paragraphs are also a little huge, but I think this is something that is exacerbated at least in part by the centered text. I really think it would be better if things were left-aligned, because complex writing is difficult to read in an unconventional format. Other than that, though, your layout is fine, and the picture at the top is rather wonderful.

Your dialogue is also generally good, although I think you are sometimes a bit ambitious when it comes to doing things in an unusual manner. In the second chapter, the bold and singled out lines work well, but this is just strange:

"Robin,"

There's no need to put a comma there. Just make it a full stop or a - , so that we don't focus on it.

Overall, this was well done, and it looks like it must be fun to write collaboratively. I wish you all the best with it, and I hope you find the niche audience that must exist for this!

Haha this is making me wish I had superpowers!! Keep updating :) you guys rock :)