Listinia - Comments

This was a super interesting story! I really enjoyed your voice in this, it's a writing style I don't often see and thought was well done for the most part. I would just take some time to thoroughly edit so that grammatical or punctuation errors don't take away from the story. Keep writing! Great job!

Here from the comment swap -- this story is outside of what I normally read, but I was so entranced by it that I'm glad comment swap brought me to it! You do such a great job of describing what is happening, and you made no mistakes in conveying your thought clearly. This is really well written, and I can't wait to see where this goes!

Hey there, I'm here on comment swap. This is a very good story, brought me to mind Legolas, but I'm sure it was because of this arrow scene. I love stories that are proofread and well written. Keep up the good work.

You do a really good job of capturing the right feel for the story. I'm completely drawn into the characters Arden and Dall, and I can't tell if Lis is going to turn out to be good or bad. Either way I like her. I have yet to read the sequel so I will be doing that after this comment.

I really love your choice of words and the way the dialogue flows. Awesome story!! :)

First of all, the layout and the summary work well together to pull me into the story. On reading the first chapter, I already want to know more about Arden, Dallav, and the mysterious "dead" girl they have just found. The feel of the first chapter reminds me of dystopian novels; I'm not sure if that is what you were going for, but I do like it!

Firstly, the story already appeals to me because of the summary and the layout. This genre is super interesting to me! I don't like the amount of times you use "say" when describing your dialogue. I feel like you could put, "He grumbled" or "she shouted" or anything that isn't as boring as "say". I feel like it would really enrich your story and paint a clearer picture. Say is just really flat. However, I love how the second chapter starts out. I enjoy reading a story that starts to lay out a history or back story for me. I think that intricate back stories feel more realistic because they give depth and passed time. It's a very interesting idea and I think it could really be done well with some small areas of growth in your writing. Overall, I enjoyed reading what I did. good job!!

This is beautifully written; it flows poetically, almost like a song. You managed to create a universe entirely of your own, with meticulous detail that remains constant throughout the story.

Even if this was realistic fiction and not fantasy, this would still be magical. You use everything, the other characters but also the setting which is incredible, to develop your charcters. There aren't any logical breaks, and it just makes sense although it's not something I would've had perception of before reading this.

Great work :)

I really loved this story very much!

This. Is. Spectacular. I absolutely love this. You're writing is very lyrical and beautiful. I'm so intrigued with where this story is going that I don't want to stop reading!!! I just absolutely adore this. The story line is original, the only thing that I'm a little hesitant about is the strange names--however, that's your thing. Otherwise, I absolutely adore this!!!! :)

Grrrrrrr
A cliff-hanger for a story? That's just.... -sighs-
I'm going to read the sequel now.

Wow amazing job (= You won

comment swapperino
oh wow. this is... just... I can't even...
AMAZING!
the layout is super pretty, the idea is very unique, especially on a website like mibba, you have a wonderful style and zero mistakes (which is a blessing on mibba, really)... beautiful! like someobody said, you could totally get this published, it's that good. there's this chronicles of narnia vibe, but maybe that's just me. good job, missy! :)

I am so in love with this. I've read the first chapter and am just mind blown. I love the way you started it it was perfect and gah - this is awful, I'm never going to make the word count like this.

I want to know everything about this - its rare I read an original fic that draws me in the way this has. It's so unique and well written and I think you're an amazing author because I haven't spotted any errors, just wow.

Okay, I'm only on chapter 5, but I had to stop and tell you how good this story is! You have a wonderful and refreshing original idea here, and the whole world the story is set in really draws you in and is really interesting - so far I want to know more information about the elders and suchlike, but I haven't read it all yet! I

I HAVE SO MANY FEELS. CANNOT CONTAIN. WHY MUST YOU? YOU SO MEAN, DANRAR. I GO KIRR SERF. /DEDEDED

I HAVE SO MANY FEELS. CANNOT CONTAIN. WHY MUST YOU? YOU SO MEAN, DANRAR. I GO KIRR SERF. /DEDEDED

RIGHT IN THE FEELS.

This is such an amazing story. The idea in itself is so original, I don't understand how anyone can think of something so fresh! I just love it! From what I can see, there's no mistakes at all whether that be grammar or spelling. The layout is superb and the story is progressing at just the right pace. The title sounds very powerful too, easy to draw in the reader right from the off. Great story, good luck with writing the rest! It's brilliance at it's best!

Comment Swap
Let me start off with saying this: You could get this published. I mean you've only written 8 chapters I think? But it's amazing. The story idea is very original and creative. There is a perfect amount of suspense and the story isn't progressing at a painfully slow pace. I didn't see any spelling or grammar mistakes so good job with that. I already subscribed and I can't wait to see your next chapter :)

I love these types of stories. This one is really great and original. I really enjoyed it and I love all of the names. I hope you get out of your writer's block and write more, haha. This is amazing. The way you describe things, it makes me feel like I'm actually there in Asyntine. This is really great and you should keep it up. I love your layout and I didn't see any grammatical errors. Best of luck on this!