Listinia - Comments

Very well written story, at first I wasn’t sure because I’ve read a lot of combat stories - but yours is a really well depicted one. Great description, the emotions and connections between the characters are displayed well. Awesome story, keep up the great writing!

comment swap.
This is a really good story! It grabs the readers attention right from the beginnning and I didn't expect to get sucked into the story! Awesome writing!! Your details are very specific which is really good because I felt like I was actually in the story. Its interesting and I already like the two characters. I love how chapter one ends with a grab in too and I really enjoy how they keep talking about the elders which also makes me want to know more about them! :)

comment swap.
omg, This is such a good story. I was hooked from the very beginning!
The only thing I wish is that you provide a little more insight into the world, but besides that this is s a really good story. I'm looking forward to see what happens with Arden and Listinia. :) keep up the good work!

i got this for comment swap, and i was all set to read two chapters and comment from that, but dude, DUDE this is good. i got so hooked into it that i read all the posted chapters and now i like, need more.

it's just generally good, all-roundwise. i can see what the commenter below means by it needed a little more, i think really for me i'd just love to know some more about the history. just a little world-building, but if you're posting another part to the story i bet it'll be in there, heh.

subscribed and waiting for more! <3

This is really interesting. I kind of feel like it's lacking something but I'm not really sure what. Maybe depth? I just think it feels like the surface of the story, and maybe before you end it you should dig a little deeper into the characters.

I really want to know more about the Elders and the history of the town. And of the town itself. What's there? What's the population? That kind of stuff.

You did a great job explaining his mom and his dad. That little insight was perfect.

I'm going to subscribe and I might just follow you on to the next part.

First off, I like the layout, it fits well with your story :) and second of all I love the story, though the summary already caught my attention. I think you should keep going with this story because it's amazing :D

I love the layout. It suits the story well and it's easy to read.
I'm not too big on fatasy novels, but I must say your book is very well written. The mysteries you present get to the reader no matter what genre they prefer to read.
I love the name of the noves, it's short and catchy and intriguing.
Over all, it's well written and thought through and I hope you continue writing because you have a gift :)

Wow, your summary sounds really interesting, kind of eragon/hunger games like. The girl who doesn't remember her past is a bit cliche though :P

On to the story!

The details in your story are good, perhaps add more on these elders, or have a scene with them in the beginning so we can understand their impact on these men.
Also the magic the guy just did was subtle and awesome! Maybe describe what warm thoughts he had-like a summers day or thinking about home or hating someone to the point of combustion...haha fire joke...lol ignore my suggestions and go for something unique :P
All the best

So I only read the first chapter of this, but what I read was very good. I don'y usually read this type of story, but I thought the idea was very interesting. You had very good grammar and spelling, and also, the layout was amazing. It was so simple, yet it really drew me in, especially the image at the top.

I'm really enjoying this world you've built up so far. I find it interesting how everyone is mixed with human and something else -- you usually see in other stories how humans don't ever want to breed with other races. I like that this story is different.

I think you're doing great with leaving a cliff hanger at the end of almost every chapter. It keeps the reader wanting to find out what happens next.

I'm intrigued by Listinia's situation and I'm definetely subscribing to see what happens with her, along with Arden.

Comment swap brought me here ♥
First, I love the background! its looks amazing! I also love the summery. I pulled me into reading. Well so did the name of it. Haha I just loooove the name in here. The story-telling is just amazing. I meant to only read the first chapter but I couldent help but read the rest of the story because of how good it was.I am sooooooo subscribing for more! I LOVE IT!! haha Keep writing

Xoxo
Kas

Comment swap brought me here ♥
First, I love the background! its looks amazing! I also love the summery. I pulled me into reading. Well so did the name of it. Haha I just loooove the name in here. Keep writing

Xoxo
Kas

Hmm, I'm still trying to think where exactly she could be from. She may have been a warrior since she's so good at fighting or something close to that. I'm wondering what else she will remember about her life - if she'll realize why she was there in the first place. Or ... maybe she does remember but just isn't saying anything. o.O So many possibilities. And is part two going to be it's own story with it's own layout?

I read your summary and chapter one and was just overcome with the need to comment. This is amazing. I especially love the names. All of them. :) They're all so pretty... Anyway, I also love the theme you have going for this story. It's lovely. Just the way you word things is utter perfection! I shall subscribe for more, kid. ^.^

The first thing I thought when I saw the background image was 'the hunger games'. I know it's silly, but my mind is funny that way. I liked the general outline of the story. The summary left me intrigued and after reading through the first chapter, I followed to the next as it was very vague. I don't see any mistakes atm. Good work so far!!

I'm glad comment swap has brought me here. First off, I've read through all of this story and I haven't found any mistakes which is pretty much a first for me, so good job with that! Secondly, I really like your layout, it's simple but it's appealing to the eye and easy to read. Lastly, great story-telling; your characters have substance and personalities and although it's a fantasy fic it's still easy to relate to. Keep up the good work =]

The line "eyes no one has seen" just feels a bit awkward in your summary, I think "eyes no one has ever seen" would be a bit more suited, it just kind of threw off the flow of the rest of your summary.

So... They have a magic of some sort? I feel like that needs a bit more explanation in the paragraph--or maybe after the paragraph where he shot the arrow in the ground and it catches fire. That kind of threw me for a loop for a moment, I had to read it a couple times.

Why does he have to train himself more? Was the arrow not supposed to burn? I don't quite understand what exactly went wrong to make him say that.

I like the general idea of this so far, I'm running out of battery life so I can't risk it dying mid comment, but I read through the end of the first chapter. This is very well written, your grammar and punctuation skills are fine, plus it doesn't hurt you don't seem to have a problem getting your images out in words. I'm sure this is going to turn out very, very nicely. Best of luck with it!

I'm more of a layout and ideas commenter, so if you're looking for someone to comment about your punctuation or grammar, I apologise I'm not into faulting every slight thing.

I really like the layout with the image you've chosen it compliments your writing perfectly, there's nothing more than that that I can say about the layout other than it's a lovely layout and image, even though it may be simple it is 100% effective.

The ideas in this story so far are rather good, I like how in one of your chapter's Author's Notes you had to state that Arden was a man, I had to do that in one of my stories. I like how you introduce the story with "Three, two... one." a lot of people seem to start their stories off the same old way of a prologue with just usual text whereas you've gone straight in and gotten to the point.

this is GREAT! your story is amazing. i don't read fantasy a lot, but this is sooooo gripping. i love the characters and names and connection between characters. i love the dialogue and descriptions. detail is amazing. it flows like a river.
so original and amazing!

No, no, no, nooo. I got to the end of this and just about died when I started pitching a fit. It was even worse when I checked the info and saw that your last update was in May. That's just not fair. You can't possibly allow me to read such a beautifully written and captivating story, then not update! It's heartbreaking to me.

Okay, now that I'm done with my dramatics. Onwards to a proper comment.
This story is literally amazing. At first, I was a bit 'eh' about it because I don't usually read stories like this but I got into it, and I literally could not stop. The world you have created is so fascinating. I adore how when Listinia asked why they were still fighting, Arden honestly had no idea. And reading about Listinia as she kept disappearing and reappearing made me seemingly read faster just to know what was going on. Then the mystery of her race and then...okay, you know what. I'm going to end up recapping your whole story in the midst of my admiration for it so I'm stopping right there.

You had no mistakes that I caught, honestly. All of your sentences flowed beautifully, never off-beat. And it's safe to say that I am utterly addicted to this story. I want more. So much more. Please, please, please update soon. Before I fall into my dramatics again. And no one likes when I do that. If not for me, then them. Spare everyone else of the pain. /dramatic