Listinia - Comments

This story is amazing! You really don't find many fantasy or good stories on Mibba unless you look really well. I can't wait for the next chapter, and I've recommended and subscribed!

Super pretty layout! C:

It's very rare to find a fantasy story on here, but I think that gives it a sort of unique flavour you don't find much on Mibba, which is awesome. I can definitely get into some fantasy, aha. The summary is very hooking, which is a super plus, but I think it would sound a little better if it went something like "who may hold the answers to everyone's future" or something, drawing parellels with the past vs. future. Granted, this is more pointless rambling suggestions and feel free to ignore it! :)

I like that without actually saying "I'm not exactly thrilled by the elders and their ways" you can get a feeling for his emotions towards it by the way he thinks, or the way that he talks to Dallav. Maybe it's just me, but I feel like I can pick up a distinct distate for the elders and their every controlling ways, aha. But I like it, that sort of rebellious edge to him really draws me in, because aren't those characters always the most interesting?

I like Sallav though, he seems oddly... cute, in that simple way, aha. And the little bits of magic sprinkled throughout really gives it that mystical feeling that I love from fantasy stories.

If anything, I found some of the descriptions to be a little... bland. Especially at the beginning. Now, I'm not one who likes to be bogged down by pointless words to make things sound pretty especially at the beginning of a chapter, but even getting a little more of the scenery or his feelings would I think breathe more life into the characters. How does he feel when he gets the perfect shot? That he's out in the cold? I'm not saying go into deep philosophical questions first chapter in, but even some scenery to make it a little more... life-like? Paint a picture in my head. :3

Other than that, it's a really great first chapter!

I love this so much still.

(:

*Arden. Sorry.

Wow! This story is really good. I've never read a fantasy story like this before. I love how all the races are mixed together and everyone is magical. It makes the story so unique.

I love Ardon! He's so funny when he has a temper. I agree with KnifeInTheCrayonBox. When they left the girl a second time I wanted to slap them. It's like, really? She already disappeared once when you left her alone. At least he had the sense to bring her in the third time.

She is also a very intriguing character. I'm wondering how she had no pulse and how she was able to keep disappearing. To me, it seems like she's very weak or is losing her power or something. When she confronted Ardon she was all big and bad and then a little while later she just collapsed. Her being only two races is strange as well. I can't wait to find out more about her!

First off, I'm sorry it took so long to review. Second, I love this story!

It's amazing, really. I love how you created this whole new world full of mixed races with fairies and goblins and all this cool stuff. I normally don't like fairy stories or anything too mythical, but you really wrote this one well, and it's definently an original idea.

I'm looking forward to reading more and learning more about this world they live in, and about the girl and how she disappeared twice without leaving a trace behind.

I have to say this, during chapter 4, I just wanted to yell at the characters. I read they were gonna alert the elders and I was like, 'ok yeah, good idea', then I saw they were both going, and I was like, 'wait, what??? She disappeared last time you left her alone, and now you're just gonna go off and leave her again?' And then she actually did disappear again, lol. Any story that gets that kinda response from me is good.

Anyways, I really enjoyed this a lot, more than a lot of other stories I read on here actually. So, update soon? =)

Ohhh, I'm glad I chose this story to swap with you! As soon as I clicked the link and saw the picture in the layout I was like " *o* pretty!" I read the summary and was immediately hooked. And this story is so good so far! I've only read chapter one but I'm totally going to read the rest and subscribe!

Awesome, awesome, awesome!

She kicks ass.

Just from the title, I have a feeling I'm going to like it. It's an unusual title, but it sounds very fitting for a fantasy story.
The language is very simple, which I can see will appeal to some readers, but I personally like my fantasy to be a little more wordy and descriptive. But so far, it's pretty good.

If I was in this scene I would have just ran from the guy. 10 years old wow I would die the first training session.

THE BODY'S GONE? HOLY HELL THIS IS GREAT :D

I AM SO SUBBING<3

Strange girl dead. Hmm...quite intriguing. I love it so far! I'ma read some more :D You are such a brilliant writer!

Write more you David.

Very interesting so far.

I still think the MC's a girl. I like how's it going so far, although the way of writing is quite casual, you get envolved into the story easily, I just wish it was all finished. I hate having feelings because it makes me love you and Elrico! Sorry I can't elaborate much on the comment, I only have a little free time atm, but I really like it so far (:

Some the wording is a little word, but I like it. I think twenty is a pretty odd age to set off into the world, I think that says more about mystery of their village. Does this mean that they each have their own magic powers? I was a litle confused in the boy made the fire appear or if he lit it.

Beautiful. Simple. Suspenseful. Good work c:

For once...a fantasy story that isn't written like the author threw up three dictionaries and a thesaurus. This is amazingly, but simply, written. I felt as though I was watching a movie happen. I could picture everything. I am most definitely subscribing. The plot is intriguing and I'm already falling in love with your two main characters. Keep up the amazing work!!!

I read the summary I was all, "Oooooo. me likey." Love the layout by the way, very fitting. I think the story you've got going on here is just oh so mysterious and makes me feel as if I'm IN that world. Awesome feeling! You could use a little more detail, and thats my only somewhat complaint.

It'd be great if you update soon :D

I really like the story and the way you've written it, nothing fancy about the writing, but in a once story telling style that emphasizes the plot more than the actual words. You do a great job of building characters too, and although there are only two chapters I feel as though I already know them very well.
Also, beautiful layout. It sets a tone for the story before I even started reading. Really, it's quite beautiful:)
Keep it up, I hope to see more of it soon!