Tossed Treasures - Comments

I liked that this story used creatures that not many people would think of using in their stuff like dragons. I'm not sure if its because people are afraid to use them or if they're not popular but I think you did I good job with it and I wish the sequel were completed!

Okay, so I'm finally here. I've only read the first chapter, but I've been writing like crazy for the past three days The first chapter was amazing by the way!

From reading it, I didn't see a lot of mistakes. I like how you took the time to describe a few of the characters, who I don't think will probably really show up again... but it was good nevertheless. I really liked it. Uhh, I think maybe you should go back and possibly add a little more detail about her surroundings. I have the same problem, describing the scenery for the reader, so don't feel bad. It can be tough. I just have a really hard time imagining where she is though.

Okay, now on to the real grammatical stuff. When reading, I kinda got a little sucked in so... there may be more I'm not seeing, I'm going back and checking again, but I only saw a couple of things.

John Jules, an old man with too much money in his bank accounts and too many hours to fill the day with. I don't know if you actually meant for this to be a fragment or not, but in case not, I thought I would point out it isn't a complete sentence.

Nudging Heather, Lia stood and ran her fingers through her hair, putting the straight black strands into a pony tail, the ends dangling between er shoulder blades. "er" should be "her".

Looking back on chapter one, that's all I could find, which is a sight less mistakes than some people I've seen who post their stories. Really good job, and I'm looking forward to getting around to chapter two! I hope this helps, too... I would hate to think you asked me for a favor and I couldn't help

GAH! So good. But what happened?!?!

What the bloody...how do you end it like that?

Ughghghgh
I'm on chapter fourteen now.
Have to go to sleep...and school in a few hours.

Ok, ok, I'm sorry but chapter four has point of view issues. Instead of third person it switched to "I" and "me" when referring to Lia then the rest is fine..

I just came across this and....I love you.
And your writing style.
Chapter three now...must continue

I loved it!

Omg. She about got attacked by the Dragon Lich and she's staring at their butts? Lia you have issues. xD

Omg. I love Feargus. He cracks me up. xD

Holy crap! What happened with the stone!!! Grrr!
Can't wait--sequel right? Right!?!?

chapter 19:
I did enjoy this chapter a lot and I only noticed two errors (which really, never use no where, it's nowhere) and I thought it was really interesting.

“You will be going no where.” <--- nowhere

“I was so worried about you!” She cried out, “One day you were just gone. I didn't know what happened or if you would be back then I get a call from some hospital out in the middle of no where-” <--- nowhere

Chapter 20:
To be perfectly honest, I find this underwhelming. I loved the detail and the qualify of the rest of the work and while I don't see any noticeable errors in this chapter, it's also incredibly short. Too short, in fact. I feel like a lot more could have been done and I don't know, I'm just underwhelmed by the entire thing.

pirgejklnrjno'c[]jio][;'ijfkp[rbGPOKNerbp;lmoerbfplk;nrvg D<

@ Pande
Hmm... pretty sure I'm writing the last chapter as we speak... er... type...

I know I said there would be more, but I have a great ending that will lead up to the next book!

@ JAGUARHEART YOU HAD BETTER NOT BE MOTHERFREAKING DONE WITH THIS BOOK.

@ Pande
You are so mean, lol. By the way - I don't know if even you knew this - but I'm almost done with this story XD

Ya'll think reading this story is awesome. ;D I get to be the one who she bounces ideas off of. Just wait. She has some wickedly awesome things planned for her... *coughs* captive audience.

I like Cadell, but I don't...He freaks me out with his little creature things.

I like how you went into detail about Finner's type of dragon. That was interesting.

LOL! I love when they're discussing Lia and how Mikhail keeps getting angrier and angrier! xD

Awww. Feargus being a nice kelpie. So sweet! What the heck is the dragon lich??? o_O Holy crap. I hope Lia doesn't drown!!!

Ahhhh! Update soon!

I enjoyed the chapter, but you seemed to have more errors in it than I've ever seen you have before. I'm also deeply wary of Cadell and his weird twist. Sorry about the delay in reading this and commenting. I've been sick and busy with school.

“I should fell something. Some sort of intense emotion.” <--- feel something, not fell something.

“Your living with a human!” he cried, a large smile splitting his muzzle, “You're kidding. He's kidding, right?” Fin said, turning to ask that last question to Cadell. <--- You're living with a human, not your.

Her cheek pressed against her knees as she watched the water with darkly sad eyes. <--- darkly sad eyes? I'm not sure if this makes sense.

She couldn't understand why she felt so sad and depressed, but that's exactly how she felt. Depressed. <--- Not sure why it's necessary to say 'sad' and 'depressed'. More than a little redundant. Also, adding 'Depressed' isn't really necessary.

Lia chuckled again, “Your welcome.” <--- You're welcome.

“Lia. What are you thinking? You're expression is so sad.” <--- Your expression is so sad.

t's body consisting of rotting flesh and bloody bone. <--- its body

I enjoyed the chapter, but you seemed to have more errors in it than I've ever seen you have before. I'm also deeply wary of Cadell and his weird twist. Sorry about the delay in reading this and commenting. I've been sick and busy with school.

“I should fell something. Some sort of intense emotion.” <--- feel something, not fell something.

“Your living with a human!” he cried, a large smile splitting his muzzle, “You're kidding. He's kidding, right?” Fin said, turning to ask that last question to Cadell. <--- You're living with a human, not your.

Her cheek pressed against her knees as she watched the water with darkly sad eyes. <--- darkly sad eyes? I'm not sure if this makes sense.

She couldn't understand why she felt so sad and depressed, but that's exactly how she felt. Depressed. <--- Not sure why it's necessary to say 'sad' and 'depressed'. More than a little redundant. Also, adding 'Depressed' isn't really necessary.

Lia chuckled again, “Your welcome.” <--- You're welcome.

“Lia. What are you thinking? You're expression is so sad.” <--- Your expression is so sad.

t's body consisting of rotting flesh and bloody bone. <--- its body

Yes! A heartbreaking yet beautiful update, especially the part about Feargus' hair / mane XD

I love this story so much, please update when possible!

Hey, hey, hey! You updated! :D

"And my mane wasn't ratty! It was luscious and thick and gorgeous!” <I LOL

Mikhail! You are a lowlife jerk! Go die! You're such a player and...GAH!!! JUST GO DIE, YOU WORTHLESS DRAGON! YOUT TOTALLY JUST BROKE LIA'S HEART!!!! -.-
I like Cadell though. :)

Yay for updates!! :D