Birdie - Comments

I'm so glad that you updated :). And her intentions were good, she should blame herself for the way that she reacted.

Ah, finally got to reading this story! First, the layout is gorgeous and I love your summary. I felt like I was reading the back of a published book, if that makes sense. It really made me want to read the story.

I love the world that you set this story in. It isn't apocalyptic and..depressing, I guess, even though it's set in the future. That was really lovely. I also love your characters, Jackson seems to sweet and lovely and Skye seems like a very strong female character, which is awesome.

Your descriptions are amazing as well. I felt like I was actually inside the story, seeing everything that Skye was seeing.

Very well done, I'll definitely be reading more! :)

You know what you have to do when this is done? PUBLISH.
On Lulu, for I am Lulu Pennyworth~

Why is he being such a jerkface? KSlfnjskgfn iudfjnkvm

I just found and started this story, I absolutely love it so far! I will finish it as soon as I can and I'll give a much more in depth review! I'm really liking the plot and ideas already! :)

Story Review Thread.
Here's my review :3

Layout: very beautiful, the picture is lovely and I love how it's simple yet eyecatching. The only thing I dislike is how small the font is, but maybe it's just because I have a terrible eyesight, lol.

Summary: It reminds a bit of A Series of Misfortunate Events, which is a wonderful story. It makes us want to read more. The idea, although not exactly the most original and unique thing ever, by itself, seems like something you don't see very often here on Mibba. On a few lines, you are able to get people's attention. Oh and that quote at the beginning gives it a booky-feel, like when you start reading a book and there's a page with a little quote on the side :)

Chapter one:

At first I'm a bit confused what time this is set in. It sounds like the past, because of the carriage and, I don't know, there's some sort of 19th century vibe to it; but I'm never 100% sure, for some reason. But then "before the Revelation of the Fey and Warlocks, this entire mass of land had been called the United States of America- but those days are long forgotten." and now I'm pretty sure this is the future.

This is when I realize that, even though the summary makes it sound like the idea is not exactly original (I mean, we've seen this before, orphan girl who goes live with some crazy relative who invents stuff) but now I'm beginning to think this is more original than I first tought.

I love these criatures you have created. This now has also a Chronicles of Narnia and Lord of the Rings feel to it, which is amazing. Your descriptions of everything - from the creatures to the scenario, even Jackson's accent - are really good. You are caplable of making the readers picture it in their mind, but you're never over descriptive, we don't get tired of reading your descriptions.

And now this also reminds me of Continuum, because of the destruction of technology. And trust me, it is good when I'm reading something and am reminded of a bunch of books/movies I love.

I love how Jackson refuses to say goodbye. I have this feeling like they'll meet again and maybe things will be better for both of them when they do.

The description of the house is beautiful. I can see it in my mind.

So, by now, I really want to know what happens next. I will definitely be back to read the rest after lunch. Beautiful work you have here. Your style of writing is lovely and kudos for zero errors (really, a story on Mibba with very few or no errors at all is something you don't see every day!) You could actually be a professional writer. Your story-telling is beyond amazing, you're creative, your style is very good... A+!

(And sorry for any spelling mistake, English is not my first language ^^')

She is a fighter :3

I have completely fell in love with this story. I feel stupidly disappointed whenever I'm online and it hasn't been updated. Seriously, it's amazing. Can't wait for more!

I'M A PUDDLE OF FEELS HERE MAN.
It took you three years to find this permanent draft and be happy with it? I have to say, those three years have most definitely paid off! (And you say I should stick with this version of TAOBA, pshh.)

Comment swapper here, and it’s nice to have found such an interesting, lovely story again. There are a few odd things though. You say Jackson has lost everything he’s ever known and the only semblance of family, but then he has a mother and ranch to go work? The two just seem to conflict in my mind along with the fact that he’s called a slave and gets paid. Really, one of the most defining parts of slavery is the lack of pay, so I would suggest using a different, less loaded term.

Another thing, most of your paragraphs are actually several smaller paragraphs lumped together. You should really look at them and try to take them apart according to the main idea and the details. For example, your second paragraph starts out describing the cart she’s riding in, and then moves on to describe character interaction, and then character description and backstory. These can flow from one to another, but they are not a united thought.

You do have a knack for description and really manage to craft an interesting, captivating world for the story to take place in. All in all, a very interesting read.

I love this story so much. I wish they'd just out right confess their love for each other already.

TIME TO COMMENTTTTTT.

Jeez, Pierre. Have your way with her already.
'Tis all, my friend. 'Tis all.

I just realized the quote in the summary is August Napier. Woop.
JACKSOOOON. hnng. unf. hnngnng.

AAAAAAAAAAH. That is all I can say. I want to say so much but I dunno how to say it and Pierre you and Skye have to make the baby you have to Pierre dude you were freaking massaging her you're so perfect Skye should unf you Reina what the hell was that about Jojo please update something shorter preferably lol.

First chapter:
There isn't even a ceiling to cover my or my driver, Jackson's, head. We are lucky it isn't raining. Think the first my is suppose to be me.

I love how for a moment it sounded like it was set in the past, but then you turn it to this futuristic fantasy like thing in such a slick and subtle way. :D I also love how you talked about the effect Warlocks and Feys had on the country.

Her uncle seems a bit odd, but the good odd that most people expect inventors without a family to have. So you were strongly on point.

Other than that, this is perf. Like amazing and you totes should publish this one day. ;O :D Okay on to the next chapter!

i've been putting reading this off because i knew that i'd just get hooked straight in - and i have been! goddammit!

i really love it, duh, i love everything you write and seriously this is just so good. i'm trying to pace myself out so i don't read it all at once but so far it's not working! <3

Those are my thoughts about this chapter.
But wait, does that mean Edwin has a death wish? -gasp-

I rather enjoy the layout. The summary is very well written. Your story flows and is descriptive. I love how the story is about magical creatures and things that aren’t of this world. You did an excellent job writing this. I really would love to read more. Please update soon.

I'm from Comment Swap and I think you've probably heard this a thousand times over but your layout is beautiful, it works well with your beautiful writing skills. I love the way you write, it is simply beautiful and in some way, elegant.
You have a natural talent for writing, keep it up!!

I've finally been able to read the other chapters, and I'm seriously impressed by your writing. Especially '
Something had come to my mind one day as I had watched him, perched behind the doorframe. Hephaestus, I had thought and it had seemed so true. Though religion was dead to the world, the still taught classes about and I remembered studying Hephaestus- the Greek god who forged beautiful mechinisms in his own palace. Uncle Edwin is the earthly form of the blacksmith God, I had thought. Each were so similar. Both a love for metal craft, both lame - Hephaestus in his leg, Uncle in his mental health- and overall, they both were passionate for the very thing that made them feel truly worth anything.' I'm glad to see that after I commented before.

I admire the way you're developing Skye's relationships with Tai, Tinsley, Anastas, Edwin, and Pierre. All of these characters are so unique, (except maybe Freer and Pessle, but what's a story without idiots like them?) and I'd really like to read more. Please update this (and Wander Boy) soon? :)