Only Liars, But We're The Best - Comments

Features my old favourite bands, Would have read this by now if it hadn't been so heterosexual.

Wouldn't really call it a house actually While I can see this is derived from a specific way of speaking, it's not actually speech, and should be written as such. 'I would wouldn't call it a house, actually' being the correct way.

The first and second paragraph would do better if they were connected, as there isn't actually a topic change to cause the paragraph. Also; wow, that's a odd thought. I can honestly say I look at a building and think 'oh, a serial killer could live there' in a serious manner. As a matter of fact, serial killers only go uncaught be being absolutely genius; they often blend in and avoid run down places to escape suspicious. Still, I can't count on everyone knowing these specific things about serial killers, though I can see exactly where this story is going.

'Ryan and I' being the grammatically correct way of saying 'me and Ryan'.

The part where she is saying she wants Pete's band to play - the sentences don't flow. Their simple block sentences, add in some sentence joiners and you have yourself flow and a complex sentence, bonus marks on english exams I have to say.

Her father's mood swing is extremely unprecedented. Think rationally on how a human would react to such news; you'll find it very hard to actually wring a reaction this like. Review how realistic characters and their responses are. I'm sad to say that so far it's very common of fandom stories, especially with this slight disconnection to reality.

Dale has a ridiculous over reaction, especially for her age, consider the advice I just gave about her father and also apply is to her.

Pete writes the lyrics with Patrick in Fall Out Boy, I can't say if you're going for and accuracy in this, though.

was having a minor crush this is incorrect use of 'having'. With the word crush you 'have' 'had', present tense being 'have' or 'harboring' rather than 'having'.

This entire review is based off the first chapter because heterosexual stories scare me. Good luck with this piece, and feel free to message me with anything regarding this comment; keep writing<3

Comment swap!
I do not listen to Fall Out Boy but this is pretty awesome. This story is so unique. Your use of Fall Out Boy is different and I like that. I love the kind of mysteriousness that lingers throughout the plot. Great job. :)

Ahh I love this story! It's hard to come across FOB fics in general, much less A Little Less Sixteen Candles fics. I'm loving the storyline so far and I can't wait to see how Ryan gets interloped in the whole situation when we find out what happened to Brendon...

okay, well, i haven't started yet, but i will say i love your layout, though your summary could use some work. there's so little information there, you might as well not have a summary at all. it seems quite pointless. :3

your descriptions in the first chapter are pretty thorough, but there are a lot of your sentences that seem awkwardly worded. "You know how I'm like," sounds funny. y'know? but now i feel like a douche, haha, after reading your author's note. where are you from?
i love the idea of this so far, and can't wait to see where it goes. (:

:) I love it! This is a great story keep up the good work! The "WHOOO-HOOO YEAH!!!" threw me off a little I thought he was going to blow a gasket. This is full of suspense and I cannot wait until the update!

Ohmygosh. That ending was just perfect. ugh, I love this. I can't wait to see what you have in store for this. :3

Lol she has a crush on Pete's friend. I love how you added the bro code in there. I can't wait for the next update

I could totally see FOB living in a house like you described and I like the rundown of Pete and Mai's relationship. The scene with Joe made me smile. Ryan sounds like my friend Jose and that also made me smile. Along with his remark about free food. The scene with Pete and Mai was really sweet. I didn't know her step-mom and dad were murdered so I was like 'whaaat'. Oh and I like how proper Joe was when he wanted to eat. The dream sequence was really good and I like the imagery. I really like how much Pete cares for Mai. I like that you explained everything in a very clear way but, I want to know what happened with Brendon. The pizza scene was pretty funny and I had a feeling this would turn into a vampire story. That's an interesting way to describe a vampire change. Char sounds cute and I can't decide whether Mai has feelings for Trick or Pete. Ryan is definitely sassy. I can see where Pete's coming from in not letting Mai fight but, I get why she was pissed. Damn Joe for ruining Trick and Mai's moment. Any way, keep up the good work. :)

I really enjoyed this! You portrayed the characters so well, and there see many times where I sat here and thought 'I could tapotally imagine - inser name her- saying that! Fall Out Boy are a favourite band of mine, as well as some of the other characters mentioned in this story! again, I really
Over this and can't wait to see where you take it :) xx

I love this, though there are a few odd places where it goes from past tense to present tense. It's still very good though; I love how cute you made Patrick in the last chapters so far! And I adore the idea of the boys covering up their vamp hunting by doing nightly gigs and everything. It's interesting how Mai turned out to be from a whole line of witches! I love her character and how chummy she is with the others, as well as the emotion you use throughout. Ryan amuses me a lot; I am wondering if you're going to reveal what ever happened to Brendon, if it was anything really wild like being kidnapped by the Dandies or something? Or maybe Ry's a part of that clan somehow...perhaps the leader? It'll also be interesting to see how Pete reacts to a possible Patrick/Mai relationship. I can't wait for further updates, I'll definitely read further!

This is a pretty good story for heterosexual, I don't normally read stuff like this. But I do enjoy a good fan fiction and you portrayed them beautiful, so thank you for gracing this place with a good story. c: I'm glad you made this, it's a good story so far. ^^'

-Greg

This is great. Had to read it all in one night I'm that hooked. :') Some issues with tense sometimes but I still love it all the same. IT'S AWESOME!!! :D

Pete is just being the over protective big brother he is
Joe couldn't you have picked a different time to come in...he ruined the kiss
I wonder if Pete knows about the this little crush they have going

Sassy Ryan. Sassy Ryan. Sassy Ryan.

I love how you keep him in there for me, and I agree with shortygirl. Ryan is hiding something.

Okay and now Mai is having feelings for Patrick! I get the feeling it's something to do with her witch stuff, getting her to feel that. But then again if it's not that's totally okay! I would ship her and Patrick, but even then Pete is a problem.

I don't know!! They both work for her ;)

oh my gosh. <3 I'm so utterly in love with this story. The fact that you added in the witch tidbit is completely surprising and caught me off guard, in a completely good way. :) Her and Patrick would be really cute together.

btw, thanks for the comment on my story. :)

Someone has a crush on patrick. I think they took all that news rather well. I thought Pete might have been mad cuz he didn't know sooner considering their step brother and sister....

What's a shaman?

I still think Ryan is hiding something...

It looks like you fixed your antler boy, but if you want a layout I could make you a new one. I could screen shot them and post the pics on tumblr and you could choose. You'd just have to add me as the co-author and let me put it on, and when it's done you could take me off. It's just a suggestion though! My spring break starts Wednesday and I'll have a lot of free time on my hands :)

Now, onto business! My favorite parts would so far have to be Ryan as the sass mouth, and Patrick covered in flour. You know I have a soft sport for Trick, and that just made me want to hug him <3 That boy could never not look adorable. As for the ending with Pete, all I have to say is you better update soon!

Loved it :D

OMG....i don't think they wanted her to find out that way...Patrick covered in flour? I love it

"Besides, you've always been shitty."

dyingdyingdyingdying!

Like Ryan!! Why are you making me laugh so hard? I love how you made him the cool cat; he does seem like that kind of guy. I totally get what you're saying about Panic! though…I have no idea why I put Ryan in my story, he isn't even in the band anymore, or the music video for that matter. But I think for the sake of Brendon and Rydon I put him in.

Aww! Poor Mai! She and Pete are not thisclose anymore :( That just generally makes me sad. Something needs to happen, because she fell asleep on her hot, step brother (vampire!). I couldn't do that…be able to control myself…with him…and all his self….in the same house as me. Just. Not. Possible.

AND! Thank you for reminding me :) I need to figure out a way the guys can pay for all their stuff in my story. Time to brainstorm. Oh God, why do I go on and on. I need to stop babbling…sorry this is so long!

Are you gonna have the whole William being the bad guy? Im not much of panic at the disco fan either. I don't know much about them....

Well she kinda just exploded all her emotions on him didn't she? I love their laid back relationship.