Blight - Comments

I really like the ideas you;ve put into this story, I really like it, I'm going to subscribe and recommend it because I really want to know what happens next, I read it last night but my net was cut off so could only comment now, I love the layout and he image you've chosen too they really compliment the writing!

Thanks! And sorry about not updating in a while. My Internet was out due to a storm and I've been super busy. I'll try to update next week <3

Hunger Games. As if!
Sorry, lol, i just knew.that would have been something you would like to hear. Guys, trust, there are more people in poverty then you can imagine. I'm not surprised in the leastthat she has to provide. Beleive it or not, kids sometimes do have to provide for their family. No big deal. Andci believe someone said the chase scene sounded like Hunger Games. It's a CHASE SCENE! Plenty of books have them. Plenty of movies have them. They add drama to the story.

Anyway, it's a very good story, good enough to be published.
And i'm sorry for the errors. I'm writing on a tablet and it's difficult to fix.

I really like this and how original it is, but the way it kind of fits in with what is trending today in novels. Has a kind of Hunger Games or Maximum Ride kind of feel. This kind of stuff is really popular and you did a fabulous job.

Yay!!!! Hmmmmmmm I wonder what happened to Micah to make him so snippy.

This story is written very beautifully! I can tell you took a lot of time writing this and that it means a lot to you. You had a lot of description. It looks pretty, but it made the beginning of the story a tad bit boring. Considering the story started with action, I assumed it would be fairly fast paced, but there was so much unnecessary description that the story was bogged down.

Oh, hurry and update!! :) I really do like this story, (thank you, Comment Swap!). I just want to know about Micah!!

Oh, hurry and update!! :) I really do like this story, (thank you, Comment Swap!). I just want to know about Micah!!

Thanks! Haha, I typed this between midnight and 2 A.M :)

Brilliant new chapter. I just wanted to cry at the beginning, poor Micah.

I found one little error, " The other gave me mind." - I think you meant to put mine.

I've hardly read the first chapter, and I'm hooked. So right off the bat, I'm going to tell you that I'm subscribing... :) I disagree with the Hunger Games comments. Most every story can sound like another story in some way if you look hard enough, so I think its unfair of people to jump on you for that. Anyway, I've seen hardly any spelling/grammar mistakes, which is always nice. I love your style of writing, so keep it up!

I swear to goodness, if one more person says this sounds like the Hunger Games, I will kill myself. I get it, really, the whole guy friend and government but that doesn't directly attach it to the series! Goodness, IT'S NOT. Shmeh. :/

hi, i just wanted to say that i really like your story :) the layout is very pretty, and the story is interesting, but one or two things caught my attention, when it opened into a chase scene, the first thing i thought of was the hunger games xD its a good story, as is yours, but i don't really know if your going for a hunger games type story. The only other thing i can think of, is the lion the scratched her knee confused me, i had to go back and see if i missed any fight with a mountain lion, other then that, i liked it oodles of much =D i hope you keep writing, because your good at it <3

I'm commenting on the solely the first chapter.

This layout is magnificent. The banner is nice and clean, crisp; the font matches very well. The background is also not too distracting and seems to flow well. My only complaint is how it seems to not really match with the summary. The layout seems very classy, where the summary seems a bit rough, perhaps. I expected a layout that wasn't so happy feeling.

As for the summary, I feel it's decent. It adequately describes what the story is about, but I feel ending it with questions is very overused. Perhaps that's just a personal opinion, however.

I feel the second picture in the first chapter is extremely unnecessary. It distracts you, and I don't feel like it adds to the feel of the story at all. In all honesty, I hate it. Usually this could be something that potentially makes me stop reading a story.

The first line is also very cliche. I've read many things that start that way, and by now, they don't pique my interest in the least. Opening the story in a chase scene also seems very cliche as well. I also feel like if this character were running from people chasing them down, they wouldn't drift off like they do here. They would be focused purely on escape, and other things might be bothering them, but they would forget them for the time being.

My opinion of the next few paragraphs is that it's very detailed - overly so, even. Reading something like "the green cat sat atop the purple fridge while its owner poured ice-cold water from a clear, glass pitcher into its striped and polka-dotted bowl reading 'Rex'." is extremely irritating. While yours, of course, isn't nearly this bad, but.... well, I'm sure you understand what I'm saying. I just feel it's a bit overwhelming.

I like how you've kept the identity of the people chasing her unknown throughout. It adds to the mystique of the story and helps add intrigue. I do feel like, however, you overuse the same word to start a sentence. Throughout the first few paragraphs, you continuously start sentences with the word I. It's very distracting, and I feel like more sentence variety would do wonders for this story.

Upon reading about the character's injured shin and the fight with the mountain lion, I think this would be of great concern to the character whilst fleeing from their pursuers. It seems like they would be much more concerned about this injury in the middle of a physically exhausting run than they would be about their family. Yes, they are of utmost importance, but if the character is injured, they should be worried about that, especially if it could hinder them returning home.

Another thing I feel worth commenting on is your description of Micah. Whilst reading something, I would much rather have detail revealed slowly, of the course of a story, especially if it's a person we're talking about. I don't want to know everything about someone - then, that makes them boring. You've no more left to discover about them, and the mystery is gone.

I also feel like when you described the Belaonars, Quialas, Nadrals, etc., that the ending sentence (Our world has always been that way.) is unnecessary. When you're talking to a friend, you don't describe every little thing you talk about; chances are, they already know. (e.g. you aren't likely to say "Bob, my brother, went out to Walgreen's, a pharmacy, to buy Mary, my sister, a bag of Cheetos, cheese flavored corn puffs.") So here, I feel it would be better to describe this information throughout the course of the story rather than all in one quick go.

Throughout the rest of the story, I've really no more advice than I've already given. I would mostly suggest you work on fixing how tedious and overused the descriptions are. But on the bright side, you've really captured my attention with your use of keeping 'Catchers' and 'Chasers' secret. Nice job. (:

story comment swap
Layout – very pretty and clean (: call me a snob, but if I get to a story and the layout is busy or difficult to read I usually won’t read it, finding that understanding of how to assemble a workable layout is usually directly proportional to one’s ability to write coherently – the wallpaper is appropriate; the banner is gorgeous and the font is nice and readable. I did not like, though, how you put a second photo at the beginnings of chapters; this makes it sort of busy and the second photo isn’t even centered.

Character tab – I like how you add each character’s special ability here and the fact that you have come up with different terms for someone who possesses each different skills show me, before I even begin to read, that you have put a lot of effort into conjuring this story.

Content – your very first sentence did not adequately grab me. “Being captured was not of my list of ‘things to do’ today” is sort of cliché and the bold seems odd and unnecessary. You descriptions were very nice. I like how you noted different things like smells and the sentence I dodged the trees as swiftly as I could, leaping over fallen branches and whirling around stubby trunks is beautifully detailed. I also liked the detail where she discusses, internally, whether the water might help throw them off her track as they might lose her scent. Specific details like this one are great.
The concept of a mother and brother and her need to provide for them, though, seems a bit too reminiscent of the hunger games.
Your skills with description are again prevalent when the main character begins to fish: Multicolored fish swam hurriedly around my kicking feet. My hair floated around me in long swirls. I smiled inwardly to myself, feeling secure in this undersea utopia; untouched and unscathed. Though, you are describe the blues and greens as “dazzling” this is very cliché and you might want to use something a bit more original like captivating, striking or enchanting.
The way you introduce Micah, through the character wandering about his whereabouts, is very interesting, as it leaves the reader wondering, too, who this Micah character is.
Overall, the first chapter showed a lot of promise with brilliant descriptions, but you may want to review some areas were you use cliché or overused details. I like the details you include and the way you present them, which in times leaves the reader wondering what will happen next. Though, at times you’re narration is a bit tedious and hard to get through. You might want to think about making it a bit more concise and coming up to important parts more quickly. Best of luck!

This is really interesting. I wasn't sure what I was going to think about this story but you've really captured me. I really like the characters and the idea is original and interesting. I also really like the layout. I think that it fits with the story in it's own way. Great job! I'm definitely going to keep reading!

story comment swap
As soon as I read the description, I got the image of like The Hunger Games in my head. Already, from the first chapter, this story has captured my interest. This is really amazing, and your idea is very original. I liked that you weren't afraid to step out of the box with your ideas, the different named Powers was an interesting touch, as well as the idea of Chasers and Catchers. Very well done!

I like the description you use, and when Lana is running through the water here, " The icy cold hit the cuts on my legs, making me quiver at the sharp stings. " This flows beautifully, and your alliteration is subtle but sweet. I disagree with it sounding very Hunger Games, as I think it is a very The Host-esque story. I love it and will definitely read more.

I've just read the first chapter, but I'm planning on reading more, as it's amazing so far, though slightly resemblant of the Hunger Games. Your vocabulary is subtle in the ambitious words, which completely suits the character, so I like it. However, you do use 'my' and 'I' a lot as sentence beginners, just picked that up as I was reading. :)

I've just read the first chapter, but I'm planning on reading more, as it's amazing so far, though slightly resemblant of the Hunger Games. Your vocabulary is subtle in the ambitious words, which completely suits the character, so I like it. However, you do use 'my' and 'I' a lot as sentence beginners, just picked that up as I was reading. :)