Blight - Comments

Wow. Your story is really interesting. What I really like about it is how you started it. It was in the middle of a chase, which really gets a readers attention. But yet you didn't give anything away, which makes the reader want to find out what happened and why. What I also love about is that you give amazing setting description. It's like I can see it in my head. You have very good grammar and punctuation. You also have a very wide vocabulary which means huge bonus points. The only thing I didn't really like about the sotry is the fact that there is a lot of paragraphs and backround information than dialogue. Although that's just because I prefer dialogue more. I'm sure the majority of the other readers like it the way it is. But I think you're doing a fine job. Keep up the good work! :)

Loved it!!! I was beginning to get worried about him

I got hooked within the first paragraph. I'm intrigued by the world you've created -- I like it a lot. I think you do well describing what the character sees and feels, without it feeling like you're trying too hard. So good job on that :)

I'm curious as to how everything's going to turn out.

I really like your summary, and as someone who has trouble writing them, I highly respect people that can write them well. So I already think you’ve got a great start. The way you start the first chapter is great, “Being captured was not on my list of ‘things to do’ today.” I just really like that line, it grabs my attention. The way you describe things is pretty nice, I can get a clear picture of the cave when you talk about it. The chase scene is just awesome though. I don’t know why, but as I read I keep thinking of The Hunger Games. Like they’re written similarly, which I think is a good thing because I really like The Hunger Games. I love the way Azalea and Micah interact. Actually, I think I just really like your story. I mean, sure there are a few choppy sentences and you have a layout issue in the first chapter, but they don’t really bother me. I just really think you have a great story on your hands. Wonderful job.

I am so happy I read this. The first chapter is simply amazing. I don't even know, just like the poor, starving underdog hero kind of story, but on steroids. I love this.

My main criticism is the summary, I really just don't think it's necessary for you to discuss your personal things on it, save those for author's notes.

Seriously though, I'm subscribing, and I'll finish reading when it's not so late. :)

I love this story. I fell inlove with the characters from chapter one. Also, the banner chick is pretty. Love her hair. Okay that was random but yeah. I will definatly reccomend this and btw chapter 1 is amazing. It all is,

Oh and to add to what I previously said because I think I ended it too harshly. It was beautifully written and I doubt that I could conduct up something like this in the wildest of my dreams. I hope you get far in this, as previously stated, and I hope that you don't give up on this story.

-Greg.

Oh and to add to what I previously said because I think I ended it too harshly. It was beautifully written and I doubt that I could conduct up something like this in the wildest of my dreams. I hope you get far in this, as previously stated, and I hope that you don't give up on this story.

-Greg.

I just want to talk about the little things - in the characters Micah to me just looks older then 17, but that's just my personality. The picture in the first chapter also isn't aligned with the layout picture, if that makes sense. Sorry if I sound like a really bad critic, aha. But oh the upside, the story is actually pretty well written, save a few choppy sentences, but nothing that is too bad that someone can't look past. Keep writing and I wish this story the best of luck.

-Greg.

Sorry for the double post but it won't let me edit the one below. So I came back 40 minutes later and read the next chapter. I'm officially addicted to this story. My quote of the chapter was "You and me. We’re gonna kick ass at the school, graduate with top marks, and are gonna get ranked at the top." It was the sweetest thing EVER. I am seriously going to comment every time I read because you need to know fantastic you are. This story is effing beautiful! Such suspense at the end of Chapter Four but I'm going to save chapter five for another night.

Okay, so I read the next two chapters and... oh my god! Micah shouldn't have tricked her into leaving. Meanie! And yet, I can't help but still love this character. Your characterisation is perfect. This is my new favourite story on Mibba.

Micah and Lana kissed! That was amazing. Their relationship is so dainty and cute but they have this incredible passion between them. I can't wait to red even more of this story.

Thank you guys so much! Your comments and criticism is really helping me.

I actually think these types of stories are really great, even though I don’t normally read a ton of original stuff on Mibba, but it’s the sort of plot that I would normally find intriguing to read in published novels. I like that the summary doesn’t give too much away and that it poses several questions to the reader to have a think about it while they’re getting into the story. I will say, though, that the way you’ve written it does sound slightly choppy. For example, the sentence about them being sent to a training facility could be joined with the sentence about them meeting new friends. It would make it flow a little easier.

The descriptions are fabulous; it feels like something I would read in a published story. I literally feel like I’m right there, running alongside Lana as she’s being chased through the forest. I can picture the image quite clearly in my head.

However, I feel like the flow is a bit off when you’re describing certain elements of the story, such as when you introduce the Unity, the Catchers, the Chasers, etc. The way they’re explained doesn’t flow very well – it doesn’t feel as though it’s part of the character’s (Lana’s) narration at all, but something that may have been jotted down as part of a brainstorming session before beginning the story. It sounds hollow. I’d like if, when describing these things, there could be a little more emotion behind the description since your main character is the one talking about it.

I love the bond between Micah and Lana. It’s sweet to see how much he cares for her and it shows through their actions how much they care for each other. I believe that these two are friends. The way she describes him and then says how she’s in the “friend zone” is funny and a nice touch considering it’s mainly always written as guys being stuck in that zone, but now we have a female discussing what it’s like. I think a romance between them at some point would be cool.

Overall, I think this is an interesting story. As someone else mentioned, I do feel that this has a very Hunger Games-ish vibe to it, but I feel like you’ve made this story your own already – I don’t get the sense that this is supposed to be a cheap knock off like I have seen with other fics concerning this type of plot. You’ve succeeded in making it your own. The characters are good and already I feel for them so you have also succeeded in fleshing them out to feel like normal people. The only thing I feel needs to be worked on is the flow and structure of sentences, as I mentioned before.

I think you have a solid plot here and I wish you the best of luck with your story.

Je t'adore! I positively loved this! Your descriptions are wonderful, and truly allow the reader to get in touch with your characters. Your grammar and spelling was spot on. The develop of the plot has been wonderful. This story is rich with adventure and strife and potential. I found it to be an absolutely wonderful read, and for once, I have no real critiques to give. I just beg you to continue! I will be subscribing and recommending! \^.^/

Your detail and description is amazing. I can tell that you put much thought into writing this, and I can only imagine all the hard work you've put into it. It's interesting, very interesting to read, it just sucks you in. I enjoyed what I read :3 The layout is just wonderful, not too much, and not too plain. Keep up the good work! :D

Hello there(:
Some food for thought while I was reading.
"Their boots stomped on the hard[,] forest floor roughly a hundred yards behind." This sentence can go two ways. Either they're stomping roughly, or they're roughly a hundred yards behind. A comma would definitely help clear that up.

I needed food and my family did too. This is a tad bit redundant. We understand our MC is hungry and you could scrap this sentence and alter the next one to go a little like so, "My family was relying on me, and the thought of my mother and brother having to go another day without food made my heart throb."

This will help the flow of the story but cutting out some of those periods.

"Wary path." Wary for path is a funny descriptive word for path. Winding path? Dangerous path?

Good use of description in the paragraph when she was under water. Really paints a great image.

Watch how much information you give the reader in one sitting. All the stuff about the Iraedaers, Nedrals, Chasers and Catchers is a lot to digest in the first chapter. Don't be afraid to save certain details until later so we're not overwhelmed.

I have to commend you on your dialogue. It has a realistic vibe to it, and the grammar is all correct, too. Which is fantastic.

Apprehend >> Comprehend
OVERALL

The characters that we saw were really good, and each came into their own instantly. I'm excited to see how they'll progress throughout the rest of the story.

Some of the sentences were a bit choppy. To get away from that and help the flow, you could combine some of the shorter ones - like I did above.

I really liked this, the vibe you gave it and the descriptions were great.

Nice job with this and happy writing!

xxx Bee

Okay, I think I could get into this. Now the summary has me intrigued and I quite like how it made me curious about everything in the story.

so much detail! I love it. Everything so far seems to be completely amazing. Your character development thus far is absolutely fantastic. I'm quite jealous. I love that this is completely original - as the person below me stated; this does remind me a bit of the hunger games, but at the same time it doesn't. I will definitely be reading more later, I absolutely adore how you've written everything. *subscribed*

I don't normally read original fiction- but this is amazing. It's got just the right amount of reality and something that I can't quite place. The imagery is perfect and the concept is totally unique. I haven't gotten too far into it yet, but everything up to this point is very clear and written with excellent grammar and technique.

It's crazy how fast everyone is commenting on this. It kind of reminds me of The Hunger Games in a strange sense, but I still enjoy it, as I stated earlier. I've definitely subscribed to it, and I seriously don't think I can get enough of this. You're a brilliant writer, and this is just incredible. Can't wait for the next update. So please update soon <3

Just to say I love this story! The character seem well thought out, and keep to their personalities. I like the idea of them running away but I'm confused to why the would turn back for training? Why not go on? What happened to Micah, did he really set the garden on fire, who did? I have so many questions. xD But your writing is awesome!