Painting Flowers. - Comments

Hey from comment swap!
So, not a Gerard Way or MCR fan in very much of any way, but this wasn't bad! My only problem was the thin layout choice... it makes for a slightly annoying read. The eye has to jump a lot to the next line, and with the long chapters you post it makes reading more tiring than it should be :( But that is all! Have fun writing the rest! :)

I really like this story. But it is a little difficult because of how long the chapter is. I'm all for long chapters but I kept finding my attention driffting just a bait. I think the concept is definitely interesting especially since normally running into oneself in the past was supposed to mean the end of the world. I guess it just has me a little bit confused. Great job though.

-from comment swap.
The title was really interesting and actually drew up imagery of Van Gogh’s paintings when he was in the asylum…anyways! I never ever read this type of fan-fic but I really enjoyed this work. I really hate the disclaimer at the bottom. I don’t see the need. You have ratings and tags for a reason. You break up the paragraphs in very odd, uniform ways. Why not just have
‘Haha. Inner laugh. This was too easy, where's the trick.
This time, I tried not to smile and, failed. I was beaming.’
In one line? It looks like…poetry. It doesn’t look very good. It feels like you're just rushing everything and there's no time to get used to characters and their habits/originality. You've just based this on the public persona that you've come across - there's no individuality.
Good luck with your story, anyway.

Hellllooo, I'm here via comment swap!
First off, I'm not really all that familiar with MCR stories, but I did give this one a try. It's going great so far, but I did find a bit of grammatical errors. It's not that big of a deal, but I would suggest fixing it so it doesn't depreciate from your writing. The chapters are a bit long, but that's okay as long as they flow well. I like this so far, and I do think it's got potential. Keep working on this, and good luck!

-Jess xx

I'm from comment swap. This story is beautiful. I love the plot, and it's the best thing in the world to me when people mix scifi and MCR. Just work a bit on your grammar, and perhaps make the chapters a bit shorter. Leave some suspense! I still love your style of writing. Awesome story!

So, I get the feeling it might be on my end, but I'm seeing a very....very...VERY...skinny layout here. It's very difficult to read it. So, I'm going to go for the default layout, and thusly so, won't be able to comment on your custom one.

Cause, that was really...really...REALLY..skinny. I was reading like one or two words at a time.

The first thing I'm going to point out is a lot of, a lot of, grammar errors. Mostly in tense.

The first sentence, if the second sentence is true, should say "Gerard had so far lived a good life."

This is all true of your summary, one that stands out is "Mistakes he had done."
Unfortunately, you don't 'do' mistakes. You make them. They are something you create for yourself. A mishap.

Mistakes he had made.

My second note is that you seem to be in a mad rush to get the story over with. It's like you have some sort of message you want to send out and you don't care about your wordcraft that leads up to it.

It's okay.

You can slow down.

Build up.

Give us something to go on. Leave our mouths watering to know what's behind the door, and then reveal it.

Give subtle hints to the big reveal.

In the first chapter alone, you've jumped from plotpoint to plotpoint like you need to hammer them all down, lest you lose them all. Focus on what you're trying to say, and don't stop until you've said it.

This is the best advice I can give you.

Please, don't come onto my profile telling me you have 'a reason' for saying everything you're saying so quickly.

There's no good reason for rushing through your work like this. Take pride in it. Take care of it.

When you care about what you write, what you write cares about you.

I'm kind of confused about how I feel about this story. I can't quite get a feel for your characters. However, I love how you describe gerard's thought process; it's entertaining. I think you have a really strong plot idea and this story could end up being really good. :)

I was sent here by le comment swap! First of all, I'm not really a Frerard, nor am I a big My Chemical Romance fan, but I did like the idea of this. :] Keep working on it, because it's really good! :D <33

Comment Swap!!!
Love MCR! They're an awesome band! It's a great story and I am in love with it!

Comment swap!
I have never listened to My Chemical Romance and I do not know much about the members but I really liked this. You have got a very strong storyline here. You are a very talented writer. Keep up the great work! :D

I know I commented earlier but I just wanted to restate how much I enjoy this story. Just thought you should know that. :) Also, I'd like to also point out that I enjoy the butterfly effect as well. I know this is creepy--third comment what the heck--but I just really like your story. I'm going to go disappear now. Keep up the good work!

I know I commented earlier but I just wanted to restate how much I enjoy this story. Just thought you should know that. :)

I have to admit, I do enjoy a little MCR now and then, but for the most part I am completely clueless as to their workings as a band and the members' personalities. That being said, I think you have something good here. Time travel is an interesting concept in this case, especially since it's not a magical universe! :) If that makes any sense.

I think adding more action in between the dialogue would help push the story forward a bit more. The dialogue is great, but I just felt myself wishing for that bit more. Sometimes I got a liiiitle bit confused on the way in which you worded your sentences, but for the most part things flowed very well :)

I really like (and think it is important) that you are playing with the whole "Butterfly Effect". It's good to consider the consequences of even the smallest choice and I think that if you stick with it, it will be a powerful tool in the future of your story.

I read through a couple of your comments and it seems that you had a problem with your layout? Well, I would like to say that whether or not you fixed it, I had no trouble reading through your fonts :)

Overall, a very nice story. Keep up the good work! :)

I love this. I mean MCR is kick ass, but I don't usually read Ferrard but this???? I do believe that this is the start of a beautiful friendship my friend :D I love that you had a long chapter, giving the story good length to it, and I love how much information and detail you put into this. Thank you for a great read! Good luck with the rest of your story! :)

i got here through comment swap! i'm a big fan of mcr but this is the first fanfiction i've ever read by them, you're doing great! i really like the length as well, you get a lot of information from just a chapter! good luck with the rest of the story! :}

i got here through comment swap! i'm a big fan of mcr but this is the first fanfiction i've ever read by them, you're doing great! i really like the length as well, you get a lot of information from just a chapter! good luck with the rest of the story! :}

I was lead here because of the comment swap. I enjoy this story; it flows very well. I'm not the biggest fan of MCR but this seems like an awesome story. Keep up the good work!

i fell in love with the story i like to read gerad stories because they each have a different aspect to them some will go off int he way that its total cliche high school crush on the bad boy type thing which is amazing and then you have the ones that the girl runs into gerad after one of his concerts and they go out for coffee and stuff like that and it goes on from there, your story is entirely different i loved it more than the other stories

Okay, so I like the writing dynamic in the story, your detail is great and the way you give Gerard so many characteristics makes him seem wonderfully real and that's totally awesome.

This is good stuff even though I normally don't go for it. The only thing I would say needs adjusting is the font size. It's way small and makes it really hard to keep reading.

Other than that, all is well! Keep it up!:D

Ugh, I just wrote this entire comment out and didn't post it properly :/

What do you know, comment swap led me here ;)

At first sight, I thought this would be an Alice in Wonderland fic, haha. Then I clicked and saw that pretty face we're all in love with, surrounded by that mess of black :D

What if it changes his future too much?

A 30 year old Gerard/19 year old Gerard paring in a story would be fuckin'... weird. And hot. O_o

I love your summary. It sounds sooo much better then I would have thought a Frerard could sound :P

Tiny complaint: your font is very small. But, it's 3AM, so that could be it.

But the persons he met were either too boring, either dumb, or either too talkative.
'Either' implies 'one or the other', as in 2 not 3. Either too boring or dumb. Either dumb or too talkative.

They started dating and they got along well, really well, but Gerard was way gayer than he thought.
Bahahaha,

And she had laughed one of her cute laughs.

... and all these sorts of things that Gerard could totally do himself but didn’t want to.

I really reconsidered exposing in her gallery.
I know what you meant by this, but my mind still read that strange ;)

"Help you." He said, and I suddenly wasn't in the bus anymore, but in the street of the hotel.
There are a few times throughout this chapter that you capitalise after dialogue when you shouldn't. This should be:
"Help you," he said, and I suddenly wasn't in the bus anymore, but in the street of the hotel.
'He said, and I suddenly wasn't... ' isn't a sentence by itself.

I put the necklace in my pocket, and walked to and walked to my hotel room to be greeted by a sarcastic Matt.

I knew I would scare the shit out of, well, myself if I stepped closer.
Haha, I loved that :P I love the way that you write in Gerard's personality :D

D: Gerard fucked up Mikey! That's horrible :(

The hospital said I wasn't allowed in his room anymore but just at the window of it.

Haha at the end there, surely, Gerard Junior's mum whould have thought that a little strange and creepy that GJ wanted this older man sleeping in the same room as him :P

You have a few spelling/grammatical mistakes scattered throughout that could be fixed, for the most part, by re-reading through what you've written with a clear mind.

But overall, I adore this :D It's like nothing I've read on Mibba before, which is exciting. A Frerard with a storyline, you say? You have my interest :D