One thing I recommend is that you put the song in the first chapter because a lot of people will skip reading the summary and then not know what song you're talking about. Also, you need to make sure you double space between dialogue. In the third from the last paragraph, 'fogy' should be foggy'
I think that you did a good job capturing the emotion of the story. It was very creepy! The way you said boney finger and agonizingly slow made the story even more creepy. It's little things like that that can really set your story apart from others. You did a very good job!!
Also, you need to make sure you double space between dialogue.
In the third from the last paragraph, 'fogy' should be foggy'
I think that you did a good job capturing the emotion of the story. It was very creepy! The way you said boney finger and agonizingly slow made the story even more creepy. It's little things like that that can really set your story apart from others. You did a very good job!!