Deal - Comments

Comment Swap sent me your way and I have to say I'm kind of glad. I was wary to read this at first, thinking it was just going to be some sex story. However, it has so much more to it. I do like how you show your audience how Candy feels rather than just come out and say it. That makes it so much better and I can more easily picture it. I do agree with the comment below that Matt's introduction into the story was rushed, but I don't think it takes anything away from the story. Instead of having detail there, maybe later on in the story have a back story or flashback to explain the sudden appearance. I will say though DETAIL IS KEY. It makes the story. It is what gives the reader a realistic picture. But in the end, it's finding your own author's voice. If you're a simple word kind of gal, that's you. But details bring depth to your story.

Found this little gem through CS, and I'm not disappointed! Your prologue is a great hook! I think you developed Candy's character really well, the whole fluctuation between self-loathing and insecurity is really well written, it makes her seem realistic and as a reader I was interested in how it is she's going to end up where the prologue places her. It did feel like Matt's intro to the story was kind of rushed though, I think maybe a little more detail there? All in all though, I'm looking forward to the next chapter! Can't wait!

The concept for your story is quite magnetic -I can see the potential rising, but to really make someone hook into your world, you need to make the first impression a 'seller'. I believe you have a good foundation of being a successful writer, but improvements like detail and more imagery are needed.

I didn't /feel/ like I was there, and it came across as rather quaint; simple. When writing something that is brutal, I think true words to trigger emotion are valued -it really adds to the scene and makes the audience feel the fear that the character is owning.

Chapter One here is rather well played out, just add more detail. (:

I only read the prologue because i'm not interested in drug/sex stories. I did how ever like what i read. You have wonderful use of description and the prologue make you want to continue to read. So over all well done :)

I came to this story via. Comment swap but I must say that the prologue was really good and it got me hooked. I like the background for this story too. It's not obnoxiously pot related -if that makes sense. Anyways, good story and I'll recommend it. :)

Your layout is intense. Not in a bad way! I was kind of like, “Oh, weed. Okay.” But it fits with the story so it’s all right! Haha. Anyway, I’m really intrigued with what you have in store for the characters and how the rest of the plot will pan out. In a nutshell, your story is very different and interesting!

Dear author, I came here thanks to the comment swap thingy. I liked the summary because it pulled me in right away as well as the prologue which was straight to the point and really intense. I could picture everything in my head perfectly. You can feel proud of yourself because your story got a new fan and subscriber. Of course I'm talking for me. :P Keep up the great work because I'm curius to see how your characters will develop and what you'll put them through. ~Marian.

Dear author, I came here thanks to the comment swap thingy. I liked the summary because it pulled me in right away as well as the prologue which was straight to the point and really intense. I could picture everything in my head perfectly. You can feel proud of yourself because your story got a new fan and subscriber. Of course I'm talking for me. :P Keep up the great work because I'm curius to see how your characters will develop and what you'll put them through. ~Marian.

I wasn't sure I'd like this story when I first clicked on it, this type of story was never my cup of tea. I was pleasantly surprised, though. I really enjoyed this, the characters are nicely define and gosh Matt is so hot. Good job, keep going!

at first, i didn't think i'd be into this story. i'm not sure if it's the line spacing of the story or what.. but then after the middle of the second chapter, i started to get a feel for candy and felt this story could go somewhere. while i did feel this chapter was a bit fillerish, i do like where this story is going, especially with the prologue foreshadowing what's to come. i definitely can't wait to read more!

~Comment swap~

This is really well written and the layout is really easy to read. The way you describe how Candy's feeling (especially at the end of Chapter One) is key to getting a reaction out of your readers, so keep it up! I love a story that can make me feel for a character, especially when it can relate somehow to my own life. I'm sure many others will agree.
But anyway, this is great and I'm sure you will continue gaining fans of this story! :D

Comment swap here:

I really liked this, i found it hard to stop rading. Candy is relatable (not that im a stripper, just how you write for her) She seems very real. And i can't help but pity her.
You are certainly on the right track. :)

Let me just start this off by saying I really, really love what you've done so far. I find these kinds of stories to be the most interesting :3I really liked the prologue, because it gives the reader a hint of the action to come and an idea of what the story is going to end up being about without revealing too much. Essentially, it did exactly what a prologue is supposed to do. I like how you've been developing Candy as a character so far because in a way she's the stereotypical girl who's full of herself and knows that she's beautiful, but at the same time she has insecurities and self-esteem issues like anyone else - it helps make her seem more real and relateable. I also like how you're not rushing the story to get to the action parts yet. A lot of times with stories like these authors forget they have to develop the plot and the characters and they just jump right into it, but it's refreshing to read something like this where you're taking your time to actually create a storyline. I really enjoyed reading this, and I'm definitely subscribing :) Great job!

I found the last part of chapter one very emotional. It really pulled me in perhaps it was the language or the realistic process. Your writing style is pretty direct and straightforward, but I feel like a little bit more detail would help center the mood for the story which isn't as dreary as it has the potential to be. But keep it up :)

Okay, so SO glad I found this story in comment swap. I can't wait for the next chapter, because I'm completely hooked! I love Candy and Matt and I can't wait to see where the story goes. You're not afraid to talk about such a brutally true subject, and I really admire that, and not only do you talk about it, you make it so human and do it so gracefully. I'm subscribing and can't wait for more

okay when i first came across this story i was a bit skeptical, to be honest. I didn't think it was going to be good nor did i believe that it would catch my fancy or be good at all, but as i started reading through the chapter i found myself starting to like it. in short, the storyline is actually pretty good, and im actually looking forward to reading more. there wasn't much grammar mistakes, choppy sentences, or anything really bad about it. bravo. the only thing i did notice is the dialogue. other than that, everything is great. =) im looking forward to reading more. =)

I actually like the summary and the layout. The only thing I would change about the layout would be in the story content section, don't make the background transparent, but besides that perfect. The summary puts me in remind of the movie trailer, "Savages" just the overall theme and whatnot. So, what that said I'm going to invest my time and read these chapters.

The prologue was good, not great but I think you got the point across well and even got me hooked. Your sentences didn't flow as well as they should have. They seemed choppy and your dialogue grammar could be fixed on. So, there are some things that need to be polished, but nothing too damaging that distorts the writing. Your character Candy, there's something about her that I like, but again there isn't. I have to figure that out as I read along.

I had a feeling Candy came from a broken home and as a stripper. To be honest, I thought Candy was black at first before reading the author notes, but that's besides thee point. Overall, I liked this chapter and I thought you gave enough background infor to set the plot up and now it makes sense why she was in that type of life style and why she chose the men she did. Your descriptions were a lot better and well written this time. So far so good, however, I would recommend a beta reader :-)

Your going to write more, right? Please write more...

I actually thought the story plot was pretty cool. Just fix the grammar mistakes, and the other little bumps in the road. I would also look into getting a new layout, though. I haven't seent a story quite like this before, on here. It's deftinley different and something you would see in a drug based or action film type of movie. I like it, though. Also, make the text not look like a poem. Keep writing :)

i really like this so far and im really intrigued to see where you take this, and how she gets to the point she is in, in the prologue. Maybe look at a new layout though its a little over the top i d like the banner though. look forward to see where you take this :)