Tremble - Comments

This story is a incredibly well written. The only thing that bothered me was the layout. Don't get me wrong, it's incredibly beautiful, but the small, white text against all that black makes it difficult on the eyes.

I saw very few errors, though. Your characters' relationships were sort of confusing at first and Asher actually scares the shit out of me, but anyway, keep up the great work :)

Comment Swap(:
Overall, I thought this was a really good story. It was well written and I didn't see many grammar mistakes or anything. I really like Asher..Haha(:
The layout though, was a little to much. I kepy eyeballing the pattern instead of the story and I got distracted many times.
I enjoyed reading this though! Wonderful job(:

Okay, done.

This was written really well, one thing I would say would be to not to describe every little thing, like the teacher stroking her throat and such. It seemed a bit cliche but you know that might just be opinion. You did a really great job with the layout (i've yet to figure out how to do any of that) I really think it fits it great. You've only got a few errors here and there all in all a great story!

You know what's weird? I was reading this story and got an extreme sense of deja vu, like I remember reading this story before but in reality I've never read it. Woah.

Anyway, I really like what I've read so far. It's very well-written, and I personally like the layout. I'm interested in where this story is going, I can feel myself feeling creeped out a little bit, which I like. I kind of agree with the below comment, in that Kaden might need a little more substance. She does seem a little like a Mary Sue character.

Otherwise, I think the idea is original, which I always like to see. It's written in a very detailed manner, and it's a nice read. Well done, and good luck in your future writing!

The summary is great, but too long. Consider shortening it. Authors notes are meant to be to the same standards as the story, so careful with any abbreviations and over use of internet slang. Here is a rule list, and it has something on Authors Notes neat the bottom of Stories.

The layout is a little abrupt. It's nice, but a little too much pattern everywhere else which distracts me. I'd suggest making the font bigger by a size or two, I feel a headache coming on sitting this close to try and read it, so I've turned to default layout.

The first chapter is good, well written and very rich. I'm sensing some massive sexual tension, and I guess some people enjoy that in a story. Nicely done.

Second chapter, a little bit ow-too-cliche. I found myself cringing a bit at the romance. It's mildly painful to read, and it reminds me a little too much of 50 Shades Of Grey. That is, of course, an opinion as I dislike romance and smut that isn't homosexual. Though I do suggest turning down how sickly sweet it is to try and draw in other readers, rather than mainly romance centered ones.

“You’re such a melodramatic sometimes, lighten up, babe.” Melodramatic is an adjective, and is used incorrectly here. 'You're so melodramatic' or something along these lines would be correct in that content.

Try not to use the same kind of words too close to each other. I've found a sentence where you use 'all' twice and not to an effect.

his hair a perfect ebony Oh no, please, spare me from these cliches. You are a wonderful writer but you are holding yourself down with these painful phrases and common cliches. Make up your own comparisons, make things interesting. I'm finding that, though this is good writing, I'm not interested. It's all very dry and I feel I could find a read just like this by picking up any old book in the romance section.

I'm only reading two chapters, and I can see that, while Kaden isn't going to be a typical Mary Sue, she is at this point.

I really hope you take my advice because you honestly have a lot of potential and it would be a waste of your talents to become stuck in the ever growing rut of cliche romance. I know how distasteful I seem in this comment, and I apologize in advance for any offence caused, but you could just be so much more effective in other genres. Keep writing.

(Comment Swap) what's with the 'autors notes'? they're not addinmg anything to the story, just make it look silly. The layout is nicely dark.
Why doesn the summary look as if ti's a chapter?
(Chapter 1)
The story as a whole works well. The vocabulsry fit the mood, just as the words flow with the story.
Good thing there are more chapters.
From this point, it would seem as if there still is romfor a few more, then I saw in the list of chapters.
All in all, a commendable story.

I love this. It gets you hooked right from the summary by how dark it is. Then you keep the reader sucked in with your phenomenal writing. Please keep it up! This is amazing.

wow. asher&& kaden

Well, I can safely say that I do want more about his past, yes. Then again. I just want more Asher.

Um, wow…

Oh! Right, sorry - kind of got a little lost there for a second, because this story is AMAZING. I meant it; the dialogue, the characters, the soon-to-be-explained plot; everything! :)

Although, minor details could be adjusted, such as the font colour (perhaps a little lighter?) and maybe not so many complex and detailed sentences, sometimes the simpler sentences speak louder than over-detailed :) But really, you have done such a wonderful work of art so far.

And I can really see that you’re enjoying writing this story, which is the main thing, so that’s good too :) Your grammar and sentence structure are perfection and your plot is definitely going places.

So, keep writing and we’ll keep loving! x

First off, your layout made is so difficult for me to read. I lovedd it, though. It was pretty, but the font colour just clashed with the black back ground.

All together that dude just creeped me out. Like what the actual fudge pops!? Asher is the definition of shifty. And the summary just.... Scared me. It was so dark and twisted that I hated myself for getting pulled in... It's just... I'm just... Wow.

I'm from comment swap. First of all, the summary was a little long and confusing. Just my opinion. I actually found the whole story confusing. I don't know what's going on. Are they dating? I don't know. You should clarify the relationships between characters. Just a suggestion. I do love the banner and layout though.

I think the layout is really pretty but the black background behind the text makes it hard to read. I had to use the default layout to read this.

The first thing I noticed was your brilliant use of descriptions. They're very captivating and easily set the tone of this story.

I think Asher is really creepy but at the same time I really like him for some reason. Kade is pretty interesting too, but she doesn't intrigue me the same way Asher does. I do like her relationship with Callum, though.

I couldn't find any mistakes in this, and the flow of your story is perfect. Well done.

Wow... I love it so far. I mean, I hate it in a way (Asher creeps me out so hard), but I also love it. As much as I'm weirded out by Asher, I'm curious to see more about his past and how he came to be where and how he is. And I want to see more of Callum, too! :)

I love the layout and the story summary is just captivating. This story isn't usually my type of thing but I really enjoyed the first chapter. And the layout is just incredibly beautiful and gah! I love it!

You use of words is beautiful and the characters are all so amazing already.

You've got such a brilliant and enjoyable way with words - keep a hold of this talent tightly. Never give up.

The summery just pulled me in because it was so detailed.
Really, I just read the last chapter but it was really really good! I am coming back later to read the other one :) I also really loved the layout! Its just amazing and really really pretty! ♥ good job :)

Alright, so first, I have a brother named Kade so having a girl named that is throwing me off xD

The layout was lovely, it was a bit dark but I'm assuming that's to go with the dark theme of this story which is really nice.

I love Kade and Callum's characters. They're so interesting and Callum is so funny, I love it.

Your descriptions are really amazing and I love your writing style. It seems perfect for a story like this. I've only read the first two chapters so ar, but I really like the plot you have going.

Asher sounds scary so I'm going to finish this when I'm not in a dark room by myself xD I'm super excited to read the rest of it though! (:

Mm, Asher. <3
That's really all I have to say.
I pity Kaden a whole lot after finding all that out, but Asher made it better, duh.

Oh my freaking goodness. So, comment swap brought my here and thank God it did. This was freaking perfect. Every second of it, perfect. Asher is scary But Callum's funny. I loved it. I'm definitely subscribing and reccomending!

Subscribed soon as I read the description

This is an amazing story. Asher's scary as shit. Callum's such a cutie!
The story's detailed, which is a good thing, really. The more the details, the easier it is to imagine the story and I love imagining things as I read them.
So glad I read this! I can't wait for the update!