Judgement Day - Comments

Is this a fanfic of a video game or something? The banner picture looks like it's from a video game(I like it).

This story is refreshing for me to read here on mibba. It's different and I love the action. The quotes you used in your summary really made me more interested to read your story. I liked your little author notes and could relate to write based off the big inspiration.

@ SmilingScarlet
I guess.

@ The Sun God
Oh poo, ah well. I'm still subscribed and all that jazz :). So shall I consider you dropped out?

@ SmilingScarlet
I don't think I can get this done by then. I have big plans for this story.

@ The Sun God
Yes of course! :) but keep in mind the dead-line is March 31. :)

@ SmilingScarlet
If that is cool?

Is this the story that you're going to enter for my Raise Your Weapon contest?

Wow, this is awesome! I haven't seen a lot of fics of this movie so that was something new and original that I liked about it. It is very well written and your descriptions are awesome. I loved it and I will continue reading this. The action as well is really done well and it so realistic!

Oh. My. Lanta.

Judge Dredd and that world has long been a favorite of mine. (It's as though you knew!) It's nice to see that there are some well written fanfics about it.

Anyways.

Your use of description throughout was amazing. you were able to transport me into each situation and paint clear pictures into my mind of what it all looked like.

Your description of Andrew and how he reacts to things is perfect for a rookie.

No mistakes that I can see, and nothing to be concerned about. i thoroughly enjoyed the first chapter.

I've subbed, expect more comments within the next few days.

Meow! :3 Your kitten has been delivered by Angel's Pet Shop!!

I must say I've never heard of this fandom in my life so when I first started reading it I thought it was an original but I was confused then I read some of the comments and was like "Ohh! Now this story makes more sense" haha I feel dumb right now

Anyway I love the action in this story and I especially love how the dialogue is realistic and brings the story to life. The description is also well done, it paints a clear image in my mind which is a bonus for me.

I can't wait to read more :)

I never heard of this, so it sounded like original fiction to me. So far it was actually quite interesting. It seemed a bit rushed...but at the same time I think it was appropriate.

Keep up the work, I think you have a gem right here.

So, I haven't read this fandom before and I haven't seen the films, so I was a bit unsure of what to expect. But you set the scene really well and you wrote a lot of descriptive information about the character, which I liked, we get to know him right away :)
I like Dredds' character already, I can tell that he's sort of a role model for Andrew, or he definately looks up to him.

Layout

The layout was, honestly, a little distracting for me, so I put the story on default layout. The text is too wide across the screen for me and it gave me some difficulty reading and trying to stay on each consecutive line. It may just be how I work, though.

Chapter one

I appreciate you setting up the story so I can get an idea of how the setting and people are like. I don't know this fandom, and I've never watched any of the films, so I like the fact that you set some kind of background. That's good for me.

I don't really like how you ask the question Will Judge Grey be allowed on the streets dealing justice out to vile perps or will he fail like the tens of thousands before him? in the beginning of the chapter. It seems like that would make more sense being in the summary than in the chapter, because the chapter is supposed to answer that question, not contain the question, y'know? Not a big deal, though.

**

Starting the chapter's action with Andrew getting up is kind of a cliche, but also not a big deal. Although I know it makes sense to explain what his uniform looks like -- since that's his uniform, and all -- but I got kind of bored through it; it seemed very list-like and I tend to lose my interest quickly. I do like how you flung in little bits of information about his job and the rules/procedures, though. It wasn't done in an obvious way to show that you were trying to cram information into the reader's head. I also like how you slip in descriptions about how Andrew looks, too.

As I read the conversation between Andrew and Judge Chives it seemed very impersonal, which, I guess, is how they're supposed to be in that kind of setting. Just be sure to watch and put ,'s and ;'s where they're supposed to be, and there's only one error in the conversation, so reading back over it would be good. Also another nice use of putting out more information about the procedures of the Judges and such.

I also like the brief talk of Andrew looking at the Judge statues and going over what he wants to be/do in the future and how he respects them. Shows how well you can slip background information in without making it so blatant; very commendable.

And when Judge Dredd finally comes up, I love how you describe him in Andrew's way of seeing him. You can just tell Andrew looks up to this guy. And then Dredd is all business and seriousness as he lists all the things that result in an automatic fail; that was pretty funny, to be honest, but then Andrew accepts all the terms and conditions without a second though and I know it's because he wants this so badly.

And then the bustle begins!

The van doesn't head the Judge's warning. Instead it runs over an unknowing civilian and kills him right on the spot. For some reason I laughed really hard at that. It was pretty straight to the point.

During the scene you sometimes started sentences awkwardly, liked they belonged the sentence before it, but separated by a comma. Be sure to read back over the chapter for that. And then when Andrew saw all the three guys and suddenly felt sick, it showed how he's still human, despite all this professionalism.

The chapter ended kind of abruptly, but that's not too much of a deal. So far this story is pretty interesting, and I'll start reviewing chapter two later this week!

Thanks so much.

Here's your comment from my comment swap blog!

I actually haven't seen any of the Dredd films. I wanted to see the newest one, because I have a thing for Karl Urban, but I have yet to. So, like Emmelz Liebe said, this is pretty foreign to me.

Nevertheless, I really enjoy your writing. The first chapter was very informative, which helped a lot for people (like me) who don't know too much about the Dredd world. I could easily figure out what was going on, and pick up on the different characters featured.

The only thing critique I'd like to mention is that there are some grammatical errors. It's nothing too serious, but I thought I'd mention it for future reference.

This seems like a very promising story, and it definitely makes me want to see the movie(s) even more now! Keep up the good work.

I'm here to deliver your Sweethearts!
I've never seen a fiction about this movie before, so it's all pretty foreign to me. I think you're doing a great job with this so far, though. I like that you give a lot of information in the first chapter (it really helps me understand it more), though I have to agree with everybody dies; and say that it still seems a bit overwhelming. Sorry, that probably didn't make any sense.
I noticed once or twice that your tense switches around, and that your grammar can be a bit off in some points, but overall it's very nice. This story really has potential and I hope you keep up the great work! :)

I'm here to deliver a Valentine treat

Firstly, I'd sort out the layout. I don't know if it's just my laptop/Chrome or not but I had to swap to the default because it was only showing up one word per line. It makes it very difficult to read, and I hate switching off a custom layout.

Onto the story now. I absolutely adore the idea. It's not something I've seen on here at all, which is fantastic. You've taken the plotline and made it completely your own, and I really do like the world that you've created with the Judges ruling everything; fantastic. Your characters are well-rounded and interesting in their own rights. There is a lot of information and names to remember in the first chapter though, I'd maybe think about spreading everything out in the future.

'Earth shattering artillery take their place inside the walls' - I don't know why, but I love that line. It's so simple, yet so effective.

I'd keep an eye on your grammar in places, and maybe include more description, but aside from that, I think you have the potential for a fantastic story here. Good luck! :)

I am now hanging from a cliff! Ugh, I really hope you update soon! And aw, you didn't have to do the shout out, darling. But thank you nonetheless.

Andrew looks at himself, seeing his progress so far, in the mirror. He looks like a biker punk, the leather jacket and pants coupled with the scar that runs from the corner of his left light blue eye over his lip rendering half of his face in a permanent scowl. 

This seriously looks good in my head, just thought I should put that out there. Ha! I have a thing for scarred men.

"Ah young Judges, full of blood hotter than an incendiary round. You won't be needing those pea shooters today, today you get the real deal."

I am in love with the dialogue! I love your terminology, sir.

"Adequate." Dredd growled in a voice that sounded as grating as a bone saw and as coarse as sandpaper.

May I mention that I really just heard his voice in my head? Haha!  

I really don't understand why there's no kind of commentary or recommendations. Are we really that blind? Great job by the way! I am excited for more!!