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  • gipsy danger.

    gipsy danger. (100)

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    I have finally caught up! And I am so glad that I did! Oh my god I love this story! It's great!

    Jessa and Jason have to be two of my favorite characters. I love how their relationship is progressing and moving from just knowing each others faces to talking. I am so pumped to see what happens when Jessa goes to hang out with Jason's group. How will her (old) friends react? How will her parents react? And speaking of her parents, can they leave now? Like just go away. Or trip. Maybe step on legos for eternity? Wow I really dislike them.

    WILL JESSA LEAVE HER FRIENDS FOREVER? WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN WITH HER AND JASON? I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS AND FEELINGS!

    And speaking of feelings, you know who I love? Ben and Brandon! Oh goodness they make me laugh. Their sibling rivalry and weird twin connection are so well written.

    I love everything about this story and I am so excited to read more!
    March 24th, 2016 at 07:19am
  • gipsy danger.

    gipsy danger. (100)

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    I always tell myself that I am going to sit down and read this story. Then life happens and I disappear. But gosh darn it I am going to read it now!

    First off, I absolutely adore the layout and the summary. They are both simple and perfect. It intrigues me right away! It gets me excited to read!

    The introductory chapters are fantastic. They raise so many questions for me. What is happening with Jessa and her father? What has happened? Their family seems like it would be perfect on the outside but there is definitely issues within. I cannot wait to learn more about them. And then with Jason's intro, I love it. There is clearly more to him than the drugs and the alcoholic mother. I can't wait to learn about him as well. When their stories come together it is going to be great.

    I've only read the first two chapters but I definitely wanted to comment before I went any farther just in case I manage to disappear again (which happens more often than I would like to admit).
    March 22nd, 2016 at 04:30pm
  • strigoi.

    strigoi. (395)

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    @ fairly local; @ captain solo.
    Thank you both so much! I really appreciate your lengthy feedback! Cute
    March 15th, 2016 at 04:30pm
  • squidward tentacles.

    squidward tentacles. (255)

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    Your summary is fantastic. It's a great hook without being too vague or being an information dump.

    This first chapter, wow. I'm so intrigued to know the story about Jessa and her dad. It's obvious there's some bad blood in the family but they fake smiles for the camera and I feel like that's such a realistic thing. I instantly dislike Phil. I don't know if he's meant to be the main antagonist of the story or not but I definitely don't like him lol.

    The second chapter is short but gives a great intro to Jason. He seems like a very layered character and it's going to be great seeing how you flesh him out.

    Ooh. I can already tell from the third chapter that this story will be filled with drama haha. I really like Jessa: she seems like a down to earth sort of character that I can really get behind. I can understand Scott wanting to beat Jason up but on the other hand Scott also seems like a bit of a douche. tehe

    This is a really fascinating story so far. Keep up the awesomeness.
    March 15th, 2016 at 08:10am
  • hangsang.

    hangsang. (210)

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    Summary:
    I absolutely adore your summary. It gives plenty of information without going overboard and I'm really excited to see where you take it.

    Chapter One:
    Well, Phil seems like an absolute jerk. Maybe he should make his own dinner... what a twat. I think this was a good introduction and it leaves me wanting to read more, which is definitely a good thing.
    I'm wondering what the deal is with Phil and Jessa. What did he do?

    Chapter Two:
    I think this is a good introduction for Jason and what his life is like. He has to sell drugs on the side to pay for everything his mother wants. He provides and supports her, which definitely isn't fair to him.
    Once again, I'm wondering what exactly happened in their lives to make the relationship so rocky.

    I like what you've got thus far. I didn't see any mistakes and the flow was really smooth. I didn't get distracted by a single thing. I'll probably continue reading this later on. Well done!
    March 13th, 2016 at 10:21pm
  • pocahontas.

    pocahontas. (565)

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    L A Y O U T / S U M M A R Y

    I love how bright and open this story is right away, and the summary, though short, is perfectly to-the-point. It's a little cliche in the way of lacking details, but I think that's what really pulls a reader in. Who doesn't love a good forbidden romance? The character pages are also really helpful, especially if there's going to be so many characters. As someone who struggles to remember names I really appreciate that you've been so detailed with it.

    C H A P T E R 1

    This chapter was interesting enough, and pulls me in because of the cliffhanger-style ending. Though it seems a little overly dramatic, it makes me wonder why the girl is so uncomfortable taking a family picture, and what happened with her dad.

    C H A P T E R 2

    Interesting that you've taken on writing a drug dealer. Never in all my years of Mibba have I read something like this. A "villain" as a main character is definitely a good read, so I'm excited to see where you take him. It bothers me that you need to A/N that this is purely fiction. Mibbians should not take to judgement when it comes to serious topics. Hopefully this time around has gone well.

    C H A P T E R 3

    I believe ear drums is one word: eardrums. Also, because Jessa would be receiving punishment would the phrase serving some sort be served some or even sporting some - an allusion to a black eye or something? It's pretty confusing to me that she has her own car, yet her mum won't leave the house until she does. If she's 16+ why can't she wake herself up? I think it's funny people get mad at dealers when the buyers will go somewhere else anyways - it's very "not my child, they would never" and I love that you included it. This was a pretty intense chapter, and very well done.

    C H A P T E R 4

    It's really good that you're giving background on Jason's home life. Stuff like that always seems an important influence on why "delinquent" kids do what they do - but not everyone understands that. Writing complex characters like this can always change someone's outlook on different "types" of people, so I admire you for taking something like this on. And I bet I know who he's swerving towards~

    I've got some stuff to do, but I'm really happy to have found this story and I'll definitely continue reading!
    March 11th, 2016 at 12:02am
  • nickoo

    nickoo (100)

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    Oh how I've missed this story! So glad she's hanging out with who she wants and not who she's expected to
    January 29th, 2016 at 03:53am
  • helena_88

    helena_88 (100)

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    jason is so darn cute!! and i kinda love the twins too, they're so goofy! can't wait for their monday to come to see what drama it'll bring... Cute
    October 10th, 2015 at 12:26pm
  • AlyShadows

    AlyShadows (100)

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    ugh i hate Scott! and Aly?! okay, i didn't see that one coming at all. she was a little off, i'll admit, but i never imagined she would betray Jessa like that!

    but omg, i am so glad Jason was there for her. it made me so giddy. and the ending...cliffhanger much? please update again soon! i can't wait to read what happens next!
    July 24th, 2015 at 03:06am
  • helena_88

    helena_88 (100)

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    yay she's going to hang out with jason and his mini group now Mr. Green sooo excited to see how that'll turn out Very Happy
    July 23rd, 2015 at 08:48pm
  • helena_88

    helena_88 (100)

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    ya know I never liked Scott, but Aly- her so called best friend?? WOW what a bitch!! well at least she and scott deserve each other.. they both seem like awful ppl so.... XD

    ooh she came into the bathroom and in that outfit..... heheheh.. gaah XD
    can't wait for the next update Cute
    June 6th, 2015 at 11:40am
  • helena_88

    helena_88 (100)

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    oh wow.. i wanna punch three idiots in the face.. her parents and scott.. what an idiot he is!! grr!! I hope Jason kicks his ass one of these days Cute
    love this so far though XD
    May 2nd, 2015 at 09:18am
  • AlyShadows

    AlyShadows (100)

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    i really love what you've done with the layout! it's so pretty. Cute

    i think i know where this is going, and omg, i'm so excited! also, i really like Ben. he's so adorable. i enjoy the relationship between him and his brother, too. it's obvious how close they are and it's adorable!

    more soon, please! <3
    April 14th, 2015 at 01:57am
  • jacklynnirene

    jacklynnirene (100)

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    I'm thoroughly enjoying this so far, I'm subscribing, I definitely can't wait to see where this goes.
    April 11th, 2015 at 05:00am
  • jacklynnirene

    jacklynnirene (100)

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    I'm thoroughly enjoying this so far, I'm subscribing, I definitely can't wait to see where this goes.
    April 11th, 2015 at 05:00am
  • elsa of northuldra

    elsa of northuldra (550)

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    This is a great start. Im curious about Jessa's relationship with her father but Im sure we will figure all of that shortly and Jason seems like a little badass stud. Cannot wait to see how both their tormented home lives draws them together.
    April 4th, 2015 at 09:40pm
  • FixTheBrokenPieces

    FixTheBrokenPieces (100)

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    I think this is a really good start! You've started the characters out really well and they each have a defined personality which makes it easier on the reader to keep everything straight. Like other readers, I'm interested to see the dynamic between Jessa and her father unfold. I have a few ideas, but I'm excited to know the backstory. I hope you update soon, and I hope we get to hear more from Jason's perspective because I don't think he's such a shady character ;)
    February 6th, 2015 at 12:46am
  • FixTheBrokenPieces

    FixTheBrokenPieces (100)

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    I think this is a really good start! You've started the characters out really well and they each have a defined personality which makes it easier on the reader to keep everything straight. Like other readers, I'm interested to see the dynamic between Jessa and her father unfold. I have a few ideas, but I'm excited to know the backstory. I hope you update soon, and I hope we get to hear more from Jason's perspective because I don't think he's such a shady character ;)
    February 6th, 2015 at 12:46am
  • hollow girl

    hollow girl (105)

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    I'm interested to find out the family dynamic for Jessa. I want to know her struggles more and what exactly her father is doing. I've got a faint idea of what it was of course, but I know in all due time you'll show us!

    You've done a lovely job with this story. I love the character's and most certainly the writing. You keep people holding on, that is for sure. I hope to read more soon!
    December 27th, 2014 at 03:39pm
  • Albluerose

    Albluerose (205)

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    I love it :)
    December 27th, 2014 at 03:11am