December 15th, 2014 at 07:44pm
@ Forgetful-Insomniacs
Thanks for the comment!! I think I'll definitrly continue and I hope you enjoy my other story as well!
You're loved by,
-Kate
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First of all, I want to say how great and awesome it is that you did something different. I've never read a Bruno Mars fanfiction and I honestly didn't know there for any out there, so to find this made me glad to read something new.
When I read the summary, it certainly pulled me in. I love Bruno Mars and the thought of him doing drugs and falling apart makes me sad, but it also makes me wonder what caused it to be like that and how this girl could help him and why she even wants to. So good job for already capturing my attention before I even began reading.
I like your writing style. It's simple, yet still very descriptive enough that I could picture the scene happening and how the characters are feeling. Oh lord, poor Bruno, though. First he was getting beaten up and he's all drunk and saying things like "I fucked it all up" that hurt my heart, man. Gotta give Apolline credit for dealing with him, but also being stern about it as well. You can tell she's sweet and empathetic, but that she also won't take anyone's shit. I love that.
Then I like forreal freaked out in the second chapter when he was having that seizure. Thankfully she knew what to do and her thoughts on the event that just happened definitely showed the sweeter side of her. I totally want to read more because I want to see what she's going to do to help him and how he's going to handle that. I also want to see how their relationship will develop seeing that she's a fan of him and is so determined to change him while he's apparently given up on getting better.
One thing I suggest is to put spaces in between the paragraphs and dialogue. That way it'll be easier to read because that's the only thing I had a problem with.
Other than that, your writing is great and I enjoy what you have so far!