All out and Over - Comments

@ Red_Zyx6661
I'm so curious to what you think of it!

@ Alex Moore.
Yay, I have a bit of a soft spot for him for some reason. I haven't quite placed why I just adore him.
I know for a fact I have a soft spot for a shirtless Dimitri especially if it's after a show. I can just see him all sweaty and dusty peeling off his shirt slowly. He just seems like a tease and I love that. Something tells me that he his musk would be a bit hard to ignore as well. A mix of sexy and sweaty and a dab of the lions lol.

Unfortunately I have not seen the trailer. I mainly read at work so I can't watch videos but I will try my best to watch it when I get home.

@ pretty-thumb
When you say between the two characters, can you clarify for me, please? Did you mean the conversation was stiff between Dmitri and Cara, or between Cara and Malory?

@ pretty-thumb
So about the descriptiveness of the first paragraph; I hope you understand that when I typed 'His body going limp' I actually meant his body and its not a euphemism for anything else. The whole reason to start off with this was to throw you in the deep end immediately and getting to know Cara. Building up to it would not do her character any good, this is truly who she is, but thats my perspective. Its clear you are very uncomfortable with this first chapter and I am sorry for that. Maybe this just isn't a story for you and thats ok.

Don't get me wrong; I think its great you gave us some pointers instead of just saying you liked it (or didnt). I just wanted to elucidate some of the choices we made for this story.

Thanks for commenting!

So, I realized after you sent me the link to this that I had actually begun reading it before and had forgotten. So yay for being drawn back to a friend's story!

I don't know if it's just me, but having the two main characters come down from a sex scene first thing in the story was kind of off-putting for me. I want to know more about the characters before I see them in an intimate situation. Particularly since the first paragraph was a bit... descriptive. There's truly no problem there, as you're following to your story's rating, etc. etc. but it just makes me personally uncomfortable. I think sex scenes are something to build to, for the most part.

As far as actual writing goes... The dialogue between the two characters seems stiff and unnatural. It doesn't flow quite like actual conversations between two people do. The plot has me somewhat intrigued to know more, but I feel like more could be done with the first chapter to draw the reader in. I would rather know more about this Malory and what Dmitri has done wrong to illicit Cara's apparent revenge than to hear about Cara and Dmitri rolling around in the sheets. While sexy and fun to write, scenes like the one in the first chapter just don't seem to add to the story unless more is going on.

@ Red_Zyx6661
Dmitri will be back shortley haha and shirtless probably. Poor guy doesn't know what he's awaiting. Oh btw; have you watched the story trailer? (Im quite proud and whoring it at the moment)

Finally got around to reading the two newest chapters and just wow. I loved how you described Cara's state in Xavier's wagon. Almost made me feel as light and airy as her. Also, the little sneak into Mal's past ooooh she is a twisted woman and I love her. Will we see more Dimitri soon???

@ HopelessDynamics
I'm glad you thought her high state was worded correctly. I myself have never smoked or taken any kind of drug so it was mostly a guess and I based it on how I had seen tv shows and movies portray it. You have no idea how great your comment is! Xavier is amazing and we'll see what he does with his information,...or not?

Whoa. That was such an interesting chapter. I found myself really captivated by Xavier. I really like your writing style as well. This is a great story too! Can't wait for more~ I feel like your portrayal of someone under the influence was really accurate. I was reall interested to see how things would play out and how Xavier would be using this new information.

@ cleopatra.
Thank you so much for this amazing comment. Will you point out some of those grammar errors and misspellings so we can fix them?

i have never quite read something as unique as this. when i fell upon this, i almost had a heart attack bc i love things like this! so out of the ordinary & not anything i've ever fallen upon here on mibba! + the fact that both you author's are fab.

but wow, talk about an intense first chap. all that lust & mixed emotions. & yes, im totally in lust w/ dmitri bc hot damn. but also cara. there was this sentence that sold me on both of them: "cara turned her head towards him & grinned that crazy, insane grin that only she was capable of" & immediately i had a moment like "this is seriously the joker & harley quinn" & now im so flustered.

but on a more serious note, this was an interesting opening. i liked the dynamic of these two characters as well as the mention of malroy & the description following her person. though there were a few grammar errors & collective misspellings, i think a quick proofread can fix all that.

keep @ it!!!!

I have heard that song, but I didn't pay much attention to it. @ PhenoBarbiDoll I feel like I now need to go listen intently to it. Thanks for commenting!

Cara really needs to practice more caution. No wonder Mallory is annoyed with her all the time. You clearly can't trust anyone at this circus, and Cara should know that by now, yet she goes to people for a fix and ends up telling more than she should. Careless. Tsk tsk.

You know, there's a song that reminds me of this...it's not exactly about a circus, but there are still lyrics that apply. It's called "The Greatest Show Unearthed" and it's by the band Creature Feature.

@ Lady Nikki Nightmare
Yeah I found you after sending that message lol

@ Red_Zyx6661
You actually did find me, but you added the wrong page. I have two FB accounts just because I have a fan page for my writing, and sometimes some pretty weird people friend me (I add any and everyone to that page). I sent you a request from the page I actually use though too.

@ Lady Nikki Nightmare
I tried looking you up on fb but couldn't find you.
See if you can find me by my email either poegrl911@yahoo.com or poegrl911@gmail.com
I can't remember which one would come up on search.
I really appreciate ya'll!

@ Alex Moore.
Just added you!
Awe that is so nice of you. I really appreciate it.

@ Red_Zyx6661
I'll make sure you get a shout out when we post! And Leanne is amazing at doing layouts. Feel free to add us on facebook. (britt.rich09@ymail.com) I'll try to comment on your story when I get off work too!

@ Red_Zyx6661
You are going to need a layout for your story I imagine. Add me on FB (Leanne Buitendijk) and maybe if I ever get a few minutes of rest I can make you one.

@ Lady Nikki Nightmare
Really?? I would so appreciate it!
I used to write a lot in high school but after graduating I just so busy and just recently started writing again. This is the link to the one I'm currently writing but I have 3 that I will be starting as soon as I get the first chapter out of my head and onto paper/the computer.

http://www.mibba.com/Stories/Read/611176/Kill-or-Be-Killed/

I really appreciate ya'll and love the story!