Polaroids - Comments

Okay I just re read this story after a few years and I couldn't stop reading . It took me an hour and a half. It's such a beautiful sad romance. I feel so bad for Jordan.. she didn't deserve any of the shit she got. I loved this story I give it 5 stars. :)

this was absolutely amazing and it made me cry. it wouldnt of been as good if jordan and the people that killed her hadnt died though. this was amazing

Utterly amazing.

I really like your story.
There's a lot of emotion in it.
You can tell how the characters feel.
To tell you the truth I actually cried at the end.
~Spencer =P

i think....
this is the best story, i have ever read

I really like this story. -nods-

It made me sad, but totally wouldn't have been the same if she hadn't died.

Thank you!

I finished it. It was really well done, I liked it a lot. The ending was gorgeous, if sad.. :)

Hey, I just started reading this and I just wanted to say I really like it so far, even though I'm only up to chapter six.

:]

Wooh!
I just stared reading this and I'm reading chapter 6 now. It's interesting, but the first paragraph kind of seemed amateur.
That's all.
It's cool.
x

Wow, This story is amazing. I love it.
It made me cry.

This is amazing. The characters are genuine and well-developed and the plot is well thought out. It's so beautiful.

I loved the ending. It made me cry =( no joke.

I read this on INO, but I thought I'd comment here.
Well, quite simply, I love it.
I commented there too telling you how much I admire you for writing and original fic. But it's not a cheap loserish lame arse original fic - I think you captured emotions and atmospheres really well in this story.

I love it, its beautiful.

I just finished reading it.
I loved how you described the characters so well.
You did a great job on this story :D

I like it!

I really liked the epilogue. Athough, already near the end, I was affraid you'd finish it with Bianca dying in a car accident. I guess I underestimated you there.

Harry Cuban:

I loved the symbolism with the weather.

The epilogue was great, but I must say I liked the last chapter better. Still this is one of better stories on Mibba.
Congratulations for finishing it so well.

Jolly McJollyson:

I thought the epilogue was hit and miss at points, but when it hit, it hit fucking HARD. Wonderful use of holding off certain details until their power would be the most effective. Ok, one piece of advice I have to give you is never use a thesaurus without also looking up the word you choose. Some synonyms do not have exactly the same meaning as the original word, and even when they do, on occasion they simply don't fit the overall diction of the piece. "bromidic" and "ersatz" come to mind; even though they're both wonderful words, they don't seem to really work in the context of the story.

One other element I didn't really believe, though, was Bianca's daughter. Her use of the "I is" doesn't mesh with the grammar of her mother, and children first learn to speak by listening to their parents. I think her mother would "correct" her at the very least. Oh yeah, one example of getting a tiny bit over-descriptive:

"The path was empty and lonely and the rolling of the tires was incessant and vexatious."

I think you've packed a few too many adjectives in that sentence, and it's not just a matter of numbers. You have four adjectives in this sentence, but four isn't necessarily too many. In this case, what makes it too many is the pairing. "Empty and lonely" are similar enough for you to just choose one, and the same goes for "incessant and vexatious" (I'd pick incessant if I had to).

Thx for the review.

As for my over-descriptiveness... I suppose that is a habit of mine. Although I'd rather be over-descriptive than under-descriptive, I see your point. And you caught me. I use thesaurus.com :tehe:

Jolly McJollyson:

Oh, I've been meaning to ask...what authors do you typically read?

Lately, I haven't had any time to read. :oops: And when I do it very sporatic. There is no one author. But I'll tell you books I enjoy. Umm... The Kite Runner is probably my favorite book. Sweet Whispers Brother Rush, A Separate Piece, Roots, God Don't Like Ugly, God Still Don't Like Ugly, we had to read The Great Gatsby in my AP English class... er... I like kids books too. Like A Series of Unfortunate Events. I liked Lord of the Flies. I read half of Invisible Man and it bored me to death. The Adventures of Huck Finn. Actually, I like Mark Twain a lot. And Edgar Allan Poe as well. And to be honest, I'm not too fond of Shakespeare. :oops: I read A LOT of biographies. And I read a lot of books on slavery, civil rights, and the Holocaust. But yeah. I hope that answered your question.

Oh, I've been meaning to ask...what authors do you typically read?

I thought the epilogue was hit and miss at points, but when it hit, it hit fucking HARD. Wonderful use of holding off certain details until their power would be the most effective. Ok, one piece of advice I have to give you is never use a thesaurus without also looking up the word you choose. Some synonyms do not have exactly the same meaning as the original word, and even when they do, on occasion they simply don't fit the overall diction of the piece. "bromidic" and "ersatz" come to mind; even though they're both wonderful words, they don't seem to really work in the context of the story.

One other element I didn't really believe, though, was Bianca's daughter. Her use of the "I is" doesn't mesh with the grammar of her mother, and children first learn to speak by listening to their parents. I think her mother would "correct" her at the very least. Oh yeah, one example of getting a tiny bit over-descriptive:

"The path was empty and lonely and the rolling of the tires was incessant and vexatious."

I think you've packed a few too many adjectives in that sentence, and it's not just a matter of numbers. You have four adjectives in this sentence, but four isn't necessarily too many. In this case, what makes it too many is the pairing. "Empty and lonely" are similar enough for you to just choose one, and the same goes for "incessant and vexatious" (I'd pick incessant if I had to).

I agree with the above.



So I'm a bit over-emotional at the moment and this was purely amazing. The atmosphere you've created was amazingly fitting to the entire mood of the last chapter. Your use of English language never ceases to amaze me. This was one of my favorite parts of the entire story, Tas, and it was so goddamn good.

I'm so sad it's all over now. But knowing you'll start another story...