I'd Kiss You Goodbye If I Thought It Would Make You Stay

“But there’s a light on, in Chicago, and I know I should be home.” – Fall Out Boy

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

A knock comes at my bedroom door.

I sigh into my pillow.

I told them to leave me alone for a few days.

Nevertheless, the door opens, and I squeeze my eyes shut in protest.

“Go away,” I mumble, face still buried in my pillow.

“Is this how you say hi to your cousin now?” a voice inquires. I immediately sit up and open my eyes, seeing his tall frame taking up most of my doorway.

“Bill?” I ask in disbelief, rubbing my sore eyes.

“Don’t forget Sisky Biz Bass Whiz!” another voice announces, appearing behind him.

“What are you guys doing here?” I ask quizzically, yawning.

“We’re here to bring you back home,” Sisky informs me.

“Home?” I ask, eyebrows raised, glancing around the room pointedly.

“Home as in Chicago,” William clarifies, pulling me up from my bed for a hug.

“I don’t want to go home,” I say, shaking my head. “I’ll stay here until tour.”

“You can’t stay here,” William disagrees, shaking his head. “Look at you.”

I don’t want to look at myself. I want to turn the shower on and stay in there forever.

I don’t want to see my tired face and lifeless eyes or dirty hair in the mirror. I want to sleep, but I know my cousin well, and he’s not going to let me.

I subconsciously rub the inside of my left wrist and force myself to stop. Those three barely noticeable cursive letters tattooed into my skin aren’t going anywhere. MGC.

“Take a shower and we can talk about it,” William suggests, in that concerned way of his.

“Yeah. We’ll even start packing for you,” Sisky offers, heading for my closet.

“You stay out of my underwear drawer, Siska,” I warn, obediently dragging myself to my bathroom. He just laughs in response, but I don’t really care to know the inner workings of the mind of the younger Siska brother.

I turn the water on as hot as possible without burning my skin before stepping inside.

I close my eyes against the steady stream of water for a little while.

Even though I had gotten enough hours of sleep last night, I just feel so…tired. I’m tired all the time now.

I haven’t been normal since we left the recording studio. Still, I’m not as bad as I was before that, after…well, you know the story.

I hear Bill and Sisky’s muffled voices and start to think.

Maybe I should go with them. So my band mates don’t have to worry about me.

Missing a few interviews wouldn’t kill me; as a matter of fact, I’m not sure I can handle another one for a while.

I turn off the water after rinsing the soap off my body, having made my decision.

I dry myself off and change into fresh clothes and then go to my closet to start searching for my suitcases.

Sisky and William knock on the door fifteen minutes later, raising their eyebrows as they see me sorting through clothes on the floor with my suitcase and duffel bag.

“Rae, what-” Sisky begins, and I realize they’ve been waiting for me to get out of the shower for quite a while now.

“So when do we leave?” I interrupt, glancing at the two of them before returning to my packing in determination.