Do You Think You're Up For This?

“I hid my love away and it is never coming out. No one will realize that it just hides in me now. I don’t say everything I want to.” - Socratic

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“So what’s up with you and Mike? Are you two…you know, okay?” I ask Suzie hesitantly as we browse the clothes at the mall.

“Nothing. We’re great. Can’t you tell?” she asks. I catch the tiniest hint of sarcasm in her voice.

We’re shopping for new outfits for tour, mostly since my clothes have slowly but surely been getting tighter on me.

It feels strange to uphold the day-before-tour tradition without Seb and Jude, but we couldn’t get an earlier flight, so we’re meeting up with them at the first venue.

“Yeah, now I get it. You were kidding about the awkward silence during lunch a few weeks ago. You two got me. Hilarious,” I add dryly. She rolls her eyes.

“Drop it, Rae,” she warns under her breath.

“I just asked if there was anything wrong,” I reply defensively.

“Well…I don’t know. We’re not, um…” She glances around; there’s a small group of pre-teen girls nearby. “You know, messing around- as much as we used to,” she finishes, lowering her eyes to the clothes rack. “It’s like we’re not on the same page lately.”

She seems jittery and embarrassed, which is extremely uncharacteristic for her, especially in public.

“That doesn’t mean-” I begin.

“Oh yeah? When was the last time you and Michael had sex?” she interrogates me under her breath.

“I’m not going to talk about my sex life with you right here!” I hiss back, glancing around even though there’s no one within earshot to overhear our conversation anymore.

“It’s a simple question, Rae,” she rolls her eyes.

“This morning,” I mumble, turning pink. “But that’s different, I’m pregnant!” I point out, lowering my voice to a whisper, regardless.

“At least you’re getting some,” she mutters, rolling her eyes again. “Forget it. Can we get something to eat now?” she interjects, putting back the jacket she’d been looking at. I sigh, but leave it at that. We head out of the store and back out into the downtown streets.

We choose a table at a nearby café and sit down with our food.

“Oh my God, I can’t wait!” she suddenly exclaims happily, poking my stomach after a woman pushing a baby stroller passes our table. I squirm away from her, annoyed by the attention.

“If you do that when we’re on tour, I swear to God-”

“Relax, no one’s even here,” she points out. I look around to make sure.

She’s right; there’s only few small groups scattered throughout the room, so I relax.

“What time are you heading by Sisky’s tonight?” I ask her.

“Mike wants to get there early, I think,” she answers, sighing as she starts to pick at her food.

“Suzie,” I try again. “What’s going on with you two?”

“I think I want to break up with him,” she replies flatly.

“Seriously?” I groan.

“It’s too hard,” she complains. “It would be easier on the both of us if-”

“So, what? You’re just giving up?” I demand, as she glowers at me over her plate.

“You don’t understand, Rae.”

“Don’t give me that, Suze. You always do this before anything gets too serious. Just leave it. At least till after tour? It sounds like he’s just getting on your nerves lately. Aren’t you happy?”

“Well…yeah, I guess, but-”

“Please think about it before you do anything,” I insist. She sighs again, rolling her eyes.

“Fine.”

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Suzie's POV

“You almost ready?” Mike calls from the bathroom.

“No,” I reply, trying to put an outfit together before we leave for Sisky’s.

Of course, we were running late instead of early.

I sigh and yank the closet open, deciding on jeans and a simple but cute top.

“You don’t have to dress up all the time, you know,” he interrupts, coming up behind me and closing the closet door as I’m about to change my clothes again. His arms wrap around my middle, pulling my body back to his. “Besides, I like you better without clothes on.”

“We’re late,” I point out, ignoring the butterflies I’m getting as he sucks at my neck.

Had it been two hours ago, believe me, I wouldn’t have cared- the bed, the shower, the kitchen- anywhere.

“Two more hours or so won’t make a difference then,” he mumbles against my skin, playfully pulling me backwards; to the bed.

“Come on, Mike,” I wriggle out of his arms. “Seriously? Not now.”

“I just thought…I mean…sorry?” he trails off in confusion.

“We should leave. It’s getting late,” I finish hastily.

“Right,” he sighs. I grab my purse off the dresser and walk past him to the door. He follows silently.

I don’t know what’s wrong with us lately.