Status: My USB that had the rest of this story on it broke. : ( I am re-writing chapters and will update as soon as I can.
Do You Think You're Up For This?
What a Catch
“I’ve got troubled thoughts, and the self esteem to match. What a catch, what a catch.” – Fall Out Boy
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“Michael, do we have any vegemite?” I call out, fruitlessly searching the cabinets and pantry. He laughs slightly, appearing in the doorway and leaning against the counter.
“No, you hate vegemite,” he replies, watching me curiously.
“No, I don’t,” I reply. “I want some. Why don’t we have any?”
“I don’t know, Rae. I probably finished it. We haven’t had any for awhile. You’ve never asked me to buy any before,” he points out, eyebrows raised.
“Don’t you have like a secret stash or something?” I demand unreasonably. “You are Australian, aren’t you?”
“Do you want me to find some? I can go-”
“No. Just forget it,” I interrupt dully. For some reason, I just want chocolate now.
Now he’s just looking at me like I’m crazy, which I already know, so he doesn’t have to give me that look or anything.
“Rae, maybe you should lie down…” he suggests, walking over to envelop me in a hug.
“But I’m hungry,” I argue against his shirt. He laughs softly.
“You have a doctor’s appointment in the morning,” he reminds me. “Want me to go to sleep early with you so you won’t be tired?” he offers coaxingly. I nod gratefully and he leads me to our bedroom, crawling under the covers with me.
I lie on my side, trying to get comfortable. He arranges the blankets around us, resting an arm around my swollen middle.
“Do you want it to be a girl or a boy?” I murmur, closing my eyes tiredly as he plays with my hair.
“Whatever you want, sweetheart,” he replies.
“I don’t know what I want,” I yawn, snuggling closer to him under the covers. “What do you want to name the baby?” I ask, even though I’m half-asleep by the time he starts listing names he likes.
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I abruptly wake up in the middle of the night, confused by the sudden thudding pressure in my stomach.
“Michael,” I whisper, poking him awake as I rest my other hand on my lower abdomen. “Michael!”
“Hmm?” he murmurs. He raises his head to yawn sleepily and then puts his face back in the pillows.
“Michael!” I exclaim sharply, for the third time, sitting up straight and turning on the small bedside lamp, meanwhile I try to figure out the new sensation.
“Is something wrong?” he asks in alarm, now wide awake and looking around in concern. I wordlessly grab his hand and place it to the curve of my stomach. “Rae, please tell me what’s wr-” he begins, but stops as soon as he feels it and his face broadens in a smile.
“It’s the baby,” I say, my face breaking out into a matching smile.
I can feel our baby’s strong kick through Michael’s hand, which is underneath mine.
“I…” he begins, his smile fading. I wait for him to finish. “I worry I’ll be a bad father, Rae,” he admits, taking his hand back.
“You’re worried?” I ask. “You can’t be worried; because I’m afraid I’ll be a bad mom.” He laughs as if the thought’s never occurred to him.
“You’re crazy,” he smiles, leaning in to kiss me.
“Seriously,” I reply, when he pulls back. “What if I’m a bad mom?”
“I don’t think that’s possible, sweetheart.” He lowers his head and kisses my pregnant stomach.
“You love me, right?” I try.
“Of course I do,” he immediately responds.
“Then if you’re even half as amazing to the baby as you are to me, you’ll be a great dad,” I assure him firmly, but I still see the doubt swimming in his eyes.
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“Are you going to breastfeed?” Suzie asks me, flipping through a pregnancy book while chewing on some potato chips. My potato chips.
“No,” I decide, stretching out on the other couch.
“Good,” she answers. “That kinda creeps me out,” she states, shuddering. I laugh. “What about names? Have you picked out names?”
“Not really,” I reply. “I mean, we’ve talked about it, we just haven’t really decided on anything yet.”
“You should get on that,” she replies. “I mean, you’re what, seven months now?” she turns to look at me. “You know, it’d be easier to pick a name if you knew what it was going to be,” she hints, not-so-subtly.
“Not a chance,” I roll my eyes. She sticks her tongue out at me and goes back to the reading the book.
“Don’t you think ‘fetus’ is such a gross word?” she asks conversationally, after a few minutes of silence. I roll my eyes again. “You have a fetus inside you, Rae.”
“Shut up,” I groan, rubbing my eyes.
“Cervix. Lactating also sounds pretty disgusting…”
“Okay, no more pregnancy books,” I interrupt. She puts it down silently.
“Oh,” I say suddenly, surprised.
“What?” she glances at me to see what’s wrong.
“It’s nothing, just…the baby’s been kicking a lot lately.” I hold my stomach. “Do you want to feel?”
She hesitantly leans over to place a hand where mine was previously.
“I can feel it,” she smiles, but it’s fleeting. “Rae?” she says suddenly, looking anxiously serious and removing her hand. I look at her and wait for her to finish. “Do…you ever get…bored-with Michael?” she asks.
“No,” I answer honestly.
“I mean, doesn’t it get repetitive?” she tries again. I shrug.
“I don’t think so.” She sighs, obviously not getting the answers she’s looking for.
“Okay, then…” she starts again, thinking. “What about when you were getting married? Didn’t you have any doubts?”
“Well, yeah, before. I mean, about getting married in general. But I always knew I wanted to marry Michael.”
“You know, you’re not helping,” she scowls in annoyance.
“Leave me alone, I’m pregnant,” I retort.
“I guess I just feel like I’m…settling for Mike,” she grudgingly admits.
“Suze…” I begin.
“I know what you’re going to say, Rae,” she interrupts, rolling her eyes. “You’re going to tell me to give it time, and talk about it.”
“Then what do you want me to tell you, Suzie?” I ask, hiding my exasperation.
“I…I...have no idea,” she admits. She abruptly stands up.
“Where are you going?” I ask.
“I need a smoke,” she explains. “I’ll be back in twenty. I’m going to the store on the corner for a lighter, you need anything?”
I shake my head ‘no’ at her for multiple reasons.
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After leaving Rae’s place later that night, I figure I need to talk to someone who understands me.
Rae can usually help me out in this department, but being pregnant must be messing with her head.
“Suzie?”
“Hey Alex,” I reply.
“What’s up?” he asks, probably sensing the nerves in my tone.
“I just wanted to talk.”
“Really?” he asks, sounding surprised.
“Yes. Listen, I…I wanted to say I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you. Mike isn’t there, is he?” I ask, just to make sure.
“No, he’s doing a radio interview with Butcher and Bill.”
“Okay,” I sigh in relief.
“What did you want to talk about?” he asks, when I don’t continue.
“Well…mostly Mike, I guess. Us, too.”
“I’m listening,” he says.
I pause to collect my thoughts before spilling my guts.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
“Michael, do we have any vegemite?” I call out, fruitlessly searching the cabinets and pantry. He laughs slightly, appearing in the doorway and leaning against the counter.
“No, you hate vegemite,” he replies, watching me curiously.
“No, I don’t,” I reply. “I want some. Why don’t we have any?”
“I don’t know, Rae. I probably finished it. We haven’t had any for awhile. You’ve never asked me to buy any before,” he points out, eyebrows raised.
“Don’t you have like a secret stash or something?” I demand unreasonably. “You are Australian, aren’t you?”
“Do you want me to find some? I can go-”
“No. Just forget it,” I interrupt dully. For some reason, I just want chocolate now.
Now he’s just looking at me like I’m crazy, which I already know, so he doesn’t have to give me that look or anything.
“Rae, maybe you should lie down…” he suggests, walking over to envelop me in a hug.
“But I’m hungry,” I argue against his shirt. He laughs softly.
“You have a doctor’s appointment in the morning,” he reminds me. “Want me to go to sleep early with you so you won’t be tired?” he offers coaxingly. I nod gratefully and he leads me to our bedroom, crawling under the covers with me.
I lie on my side, trying to get comfortable. He arranges the blankets around us, resting an arm around my swollen middle.
“Do you want it to be a girl or a boy?” I murmur, closing my eyes tiredly as he plays with my hair.
“Whatever you want, sweetheart,” he replies.
“I don’t know what I want,” I yawn, snuggling closer to him under the covers. “What do you want to name the baby?” I ask, even though I’m half-asleep by the time he starts listing names he likes.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
I abruptly wake up in the middle of the night, confused by the sudden thudding pressure in my stomach.
“Michael,” I whisper, poking him awake as I rest my other hand on my lower abdomen. “Michael!”
“Hmm?” he murmurs. He raises his head to yawn sleepily and then puts his face back in the pillows.
“Michael!” I exclaim sharply, for the third time, sitting up straight and turning on the small bedside lamp, meanwhile I try to figure out the new sensation.
“Is something wrong?” he asks in alarm, now wide awake and looking around in concern. I wordlessly grab his hand and place it to the curve of my stomach. “Rae, please tell me what’s wr-” he begins, but stops as soon as he feels it and his face broadens in a smile.
“It’s the baby,” I say, my face breaking out into a matching smile.
I can feel our baby’s strong kick through Michael’s hand, which is underneath mine.
“I…” he begins, his smile fading. I wait for him to finish. “I worry I’ll be a bad father, Rae,” he admits, taking his hand back.
“You’re worried?” I ask. “You can’t be worried; because I’m afraid I’ll be a bad mom.” He laughs as if the thought’s never occurred to him.
“You’re crazy,” he smiles, leaning in to kiss me.
“Seriously,” I reply, when he pulls back. “What if I’m a bad mom?”
“I don’t think that’s possible, sweetheart.” He lowers his head and kisses my pregnant stomach.
“You love me, right?” I try.
“Of course I do,” he immediately responds.
“Then if you’re even half as amazing to the baby as you are to me, you’ll be a great dad,” I assure him firmly, but I still see the doubt swimming in his eyes.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
“Are you going to breastfeed?” Suzie asks me, flipping through a pregnancy book while chewing on some potato chips. My potato chips.
“No,” I decide, stretching out on the other couch.
“Good,” she answers. “That kinda creeps me out,” she states, shuddering. I laugh. “What about names? Have you picked out names?”
“Not really,” I reply. “I mean, we’ve talked about it, we just haven’t really decided on anything yet.”
“You should get on that,” she replies. “I mean, you’re what, seven months now?” she turns to look at me. “You know, it’d be easier to pick a name if you knew what it was going to be,” she hints, not-so-subtly.
“Not a chance,” I roll my eyes. She sticks her tongue out at me and goes back to the reading the book.
“Don’t you think ‘fetus’ is such a gross word?” she asks conversationally, after a few minutes of silence. I roll my eyes again. “You have a fetus inside you, Rae.”
“Shut up,” I groan, rubbing my eyes.
“Cervix. Lactating also sounds pretty disgusting…”
“Okay, no more pregnancy books,” I interrupt. She puts it down silently.
“Oh,” I say suddenly, surprised.
“What?” she glances at me to see what’s wrong.
“It’s nothing, just…the baby’s been kicking a lot lately.” I hold my stomach. “Do you want to feel?”
She hesitantly leans over to place a hand where mine was previously.
“I can feel it,” she smiles, but it’s fleeting. “Rae?” she says suddenly, looking anxiously serious and removing her hand. I look at her and wait for her to finish. “Do…you ever get…bored-with Michael?” she asks.
“No,” I answer honestly.
“I mean, doesn’t it get repetitive?” she tries again. I shrug.
“I don’t think so.” She sighs, obviously not getting the answers she’s looking for.
“Okay, then…” she starts again, thinking. “What about when you were getting married? Didn’t you have any doubts?”
“Well, yeah, before. I mean, about getting married in general. But I always knew I wanted to marry Michael.”
“You know, you’re not helping,” she scowls in annoyance.
“Leave me alone, I’m pregnant,” I retort.
“I guess I just feel like I’m…settling for Mike,” she grudgingly admits.
“Suze…” I begin.
“I know what you’re going to say, Rae,” she interrupts, rolling her eyes. “You’re going to tell me to give it time, and talk about it.”
“Then what do you want me to tell you, Suzie?” I ask, hiding my exasperation.
“I…I...have no idea,” she admits. She abruptly stands up.
“Where are you going?” I ask.
“I need a smoke,” she explains. “I’ll be back in twenty. I’m going to the store on the corner for a lighter, you need anything?”
I shake my head ‘no’ at her for multiple reasons.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
After leaving Rae’s place later that night, I figure I need to talk to someone who understands me.
Rae can usually help me out in this department, but being pregnant must be messing with her head.
“Suzie?”
“Hey Alex,” I reply.
“What’s up?” he asks, probably sensing the nerves in my tone.
“I just wanted to talk.”
“Really?” he asks, sounding surprised.
“Yes. Listen, I…I wanted to say I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you. Mike isn’t there, is he?” I ask, just to make sure.
“No, he’s doing a radio interview with Butcher and Bill.”
“Okay,” I sigh in relief.
“What did you want to talk about?” he asks, when I don’t continue.
“Well…mostly Mike, I guess. Us, too.”
“I’m listening,” he says.
I pause to collect my thoughts before spilling my guts.
♠ ♠ ♠
Really sorry for the wait and sorry that you waited for filler. School and work and the usual excuses. Anywho, baby is almost here! I decided on a name, too. : )Secondlyyyy go check out HarperB82's stuff not only because she won my "Nothing Personal" Contest but also because she writes good Cobra Starship stories. ; )
Thank yous: Randy Orton., glitter and gold, HarperB82, & boycottlove.