Do You Think You're Up For This?

“Don't waste your breath, you wouldn't want this anyway. And if you did, I think I'd let you talk this to death, or in circles like we're aeroplanes. But all along I knew that we would sputter out.” – The Academy Is…

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Suzie

“Do you love me?” he asks against my neck, his breath on my hot skin making me shiver.

“You know I do,” I reply, still breathless and sweaty.

“I like to hear you say it.”

“I love you.” His arms wrap around my bare middle as he decorates my neck with kisses.

“Are you happy? With us, I mean?” he stops to ask me, after our breathing returns to normal.

“Yeah. I- why wouldn’t I be?”

“I just wanted to make sure,” he says, letting go of me and getting out of bed. He goes to dig through his dresser drawer, pulling on clean boxers. I frown in confusion and sit up straight when he continues rummaging. He walks back over to me, climbing back on the bed and holding something in his fist.

“Mike, what are you talking about? I-”

“Give me your hand,” he says, and I hesitantly do as he says.

He takes my hand and places something small and hard in it, closing my hand for me before I can see.

“Marry me?” he asks, and I can feel the blood draining from my face as I open my hand, a ring resting on my palm.

His eyes are locked on my face, waiting for a reaction that I’m not giving him.

My heart feels funny with palpitations and his expression of excitement and expectation fades in seconds.

“Suze?” he asks worriedly.

“I kissed Alex when we were on tour,” I blurt out, and his expression turns to hurt and disbelief.

I don’t say it to hurt him.

I say it because it’s more of a reason for him to take it back.

So this way, he knows that I don’t deserve that question.

All I want is for him to take it back so everything will be normal.

I don’t want anything to change.

I push the ring back into his hands so he understands.

His face is stunned and I’ve left him speechless.

“Suze-” he begins in a choked voice. “Please…don’t-”

“I…I can’t…I can’t marry you,” I interrupt him, and I can feel hot tears building behind my eyes.

He sits on the bed, staring at the floor with a stony gaze, his eyes glassed over.

“Why not?” he asks quietly. “You said you love me. You said you were happy with me.”

I don’t even know where to begin.

Because I’m dishonest.

Because I’m not the right person for this.

Because I’m a horrible person in general.

Because I don't know why in hell anyone would want to marry me right now, least of all Mike.

I get off the bed and walk over to the closet, quickly getting dressed.

“I hate it here. I want to go home. I never wanted to live here. It’s too cold,” I ramble.

Everything I’ve kept inside me all this time is pouring out to a silent Mike and I can’t help myself.

“I want to go back to L.A.,” I repeat, and I’m holding back tears again.

He’s staring at the ring in his hands.

I throw my suitcase out onto the floor and start tossing piles of clothes into it recklessly.

“I’ll have all my things out of here by tomorrow,” I inform him. He still hasn’t said anything.

He does nothing while I stuff things into my luggage and hide my wet face by turning my back to him.

“Suzie-” he begins, when I’ve crammed as much junk as possible in it and struggle to drag it out of the bedroom.

“I’m so sorry,” I murmur, but I have no idea if he’s heard me or not.

I don’t cry until I’m the car on my way to Sisky’s and I’m sure he’s not following me.