If I Let This Go

My room, especially at night, looked really weird. It even felt like it wasn’t mine anymore. Before it had been determined that we were moving, I had boxed quite a few of my possessions up and had planned to just give them away to some charity…but it looks like I’ll just be taking them with me during the move. They were stacked tall and cast long shadows across the carpet.

Craig, according to Max, was going to be out late tonight. Ever since Ronnie left, Craig’s been sleeping on the couch. From personal experience, I was well aware of how uncomfortable that couch is, so I extended my bedroom to share with him. I had to keep myself awake so that I wouldn’t be re-awakened when he came in.

If you give a shit about me at all you better come see me.

Ronnie’s words echoed in my head. There was some sort of underlying hint of hostility and threat that I detected. Then again, I could just be overanalyzing. I mean, really, the man is locked up in jail. When would he ever have the time to do something to me without one of the guards finding out? Even better, how could he do anything to me if I never show up?

I’ve got some time before he’s released into society, maybe I should enjoy that time. For my head, this is was the simple (and safest) solution; however, as always, my heart had another one. Maybe he just meant that it’s a test to prove my love for him. Yeah, that sounds good enough.

Regardless of what Ronnie’s true attentions are, I ended up falling asleep shortly after my thoughts. Craig never came back home that night.

*Craig’s POV*

“How did you find me?” I asked, narrowing my eyes at the girl sitting across from me.

She was the last person I would’ve expected to have run into at the local grocery store, especially since she should be back in Arizona. Up until I had spoken, her eyes were fixed on the wooden table that separated us at the bar. She glanced up.

“Just because you gave up on me, doesn’t mean I was willing to give up on you,” she mumbled.

I scoffed, “I didn’t ‘give up.’ I warned you, I even tried to help you…but you didn’t acknowledge me until it was too late.”

“How many times do you need to hear me say I’m sorry for you to want to take me back?” she cried, leaning forward.

I looked the other way. “You can keep saying it all you want, it doesn’t matter. I…I think I may have found someone else,” I said distantly, thinking about Megan for some reason.

Her chair squealed on the rough ground as she suddenly stood up. “If that’s how you want to be, Craig, then I guess there’s only one last thing for me to say to you. I’m pregnant,” she said staring down at me with large, watery eyes. She turned her back to me and ran out of the bar.

I’m…a father?

The drive back home was one of the worst I’ve experienced. My head was throbbing with confusion and sorrow. My ex just found me after 4 months to tell me that she’s carrying our baby. I think I’m falling for Megan, but she’s got Ronnie attached to her. What a mess!

I sighed as I pulled into the driveway, well past midnight, and quietly entered the house. Everyone in the house was asleep. Megan had stayed over to her side of the bed, so I carefully crawled into the open side and stared up at the ceiling for a while before even feeling drowsy. Good thing it’s already almost the morning.

Megan woke up a couple hours after I had gotten home, around 8 AM. “How did you sleep?” I asked, startling her a little, probably because she had thought I was asleep.

She shrugged, “Not too bad, kind of had a lot on my mind though.” I nodded, “I know how you feel. How was your visit with Ronnie?”

She paused a while before finally admitting, “I couldn’t bring myself to go in there. I was afraid he wouldn’t want to see me. I gave him a call last night…and I think I really should go see him today, but how can I?”

The sadness in her voice was enough to make my heart ache. I hated seeing her like thisespecially over someone like Ronnie.

“I can take you there. I’ll even walk in with you, if you want.”

Obviously I didn’t exactly want to see Ronnie, but if it would make Megan happy, then I’d have no choice but to do so. She smiled ever so slightly, and already I could see some happiness in her eyes.

“Would you really, Craig? That would help so much.” I nodded and accepted her hug.

It was almost enough to make me forget entirely about what had happened only a few hours ago. No one can find out about that, specifically not Megan. I might have the slightest chance with her, and I wasn’t about to let something like that ruin my chances.

*Normal POV*

The rest of the day passed quickly, and unfortunately I kept pushing off the visit to the prison as much as I could. Of course I was thrilled that Craig was willing to come with me and help me out, but that didn’t change the fact that I would still have to come face-to-face with Ronnie.

“Prison’s closing in an hour,” Max reminded as I walked past him in the living room.

“I guess that means I have to get ready,” I groaned, dragging my feet to the bedroom.

“Megan, you really need to calm down,” Craig said, glancing back and forth between the road and me.

“You’re shaking.” But there was more than just shaking…my heart was racing, my hands were shaking, and I was having a hard time breathing.

“I’m just really nervous,” I mumbled.

“What’s there to be afraid of? He’s your boyfriend, and someone you’ve known for years. He’s not going to do anything to you.”

“That’s what you would think,” I sighed, “I’m not sure what it is, I just don’t feel comfortable around Ronnie anymore...like being in prison is changing him.”

We pulled into the parking lot right near the entrance. “There’s only one way to find out…”

I cringed as the security guard walked me past a few of the cells near the front of the building, which lead to the visiting area. All of the inmates, 100% male, stared at me with various looks of lust and helplessness. I honestly don’t know how Ronnie can stand it here, but then again he did get one of the nicer jail cells.

“Who are you here to see again?” the guard asked, already forgetting the name I had mentioned.

“Ronnie Radke.”

He sat me down in the uncomfortable plastic chair and told me to wait a moment. A buzzer beeped and soon someone stepped forward sitting in the chair on the opposite side of the glass.

There he was.

I extended my arm forward and picked up the phone. “I’m glad you could make it Megan,” he said, staring directly into my eyes, “But for a minute there, I was worried you weren’t going to show up.”

“L-like I said, I’m scared,” I stuttered.

He smirked, “What, don’t like my new place of residence? Well, I find that a little ironic. You couldn’t have come at a worst time.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve just given yourself a chance to spend all night here,” he grinned.

Before I could say anything, his hands extended forward through a small slit in the glass. He gripped my wrists tightly. This can be anything but good.