Days of the Old

Two weeks.

Fourteen days, one hundred and sixty eight hours. Ten thousand and eighty minutes. Doesn’t really seem like too much, does it? I suppose to someone else it wouldn’t be all that hard to get through, but each stroke of the second hand seemed to drag out into hours for me.

All because I didn’t know how to deal with anything. I couldn’t express any emotion, I hadn’t touched my guitar or so much as even laid my eyes on it since I last spoke with Tyler on the phone all those days ago. In the span of the last few weeks, I essentially threw my promise to him out the window.

I couldn’t remember having a civil conversation with Matt, seeing as I had reverted back to giving him one-worded answers like I had when I first met him. Some of the time I didn’t even give him that. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t want to act like that, what with my promise to Tyler constantly looming over me, but I felt sort of betrayed. And then, at the same time, I felt like I was overreacting.

Sure, it was probably wrong of him and Tyler to go behind my back to talk about me, but I could see that there were good intentions behind it. Why else would they go out of their way and do that? They wanted to help me, but it was as if I was inadvertently doing everything I could to push them away.

Over the past few weeks, I’d basically become a hermit, only coming out of my room when I absolutely had to. I had so many mixed emotions about Matt, that when I went back up to my room after being downstairs for a while, I often had a headache. I just felt like I was incapable of sorting this mess out by myself.

My best friend was like my other half, and I hated it when I disappointed him. And that was exactly what I was doing; I’d gone back on my promise and made everything so much worse. I knew I had to phone him sometime, because after all, he was Tyler. I knew he would forgive me. But his opinion was one of the very few that I actually cared about. I didn’t want him to know about how I was treating Matt and everyone else, and the fact that I didn’t want him to made me feel that much worse.

Beside my mother, he was my only confidant. The only one I could ever really talk to. And there I was, not able to say I was sorry and that I messed up? It wouldn’t be so hard normally, but this was the most difficult thing I’d ever gone through. I felt truly alone, yet I had so many people around me able and willing to help me. To actually listen and talk to me. Yet I was too stubborn to go to them.

As I leaving my bathroom, fresh out of the shower, fully clothed and hair done, I guess I was too busy thinking to notice Jimmy sitting on my bed. I just about jumped out of my skin when he spoke. “Mini, you have to be the most stubborn person I have ever met.” He said, staring directly at me as he clasped his hands together on his lap. “You, you’re coming downstairs with me and you and Matt are gonna make up, then we’re gonna go play paintball.”

The way he said it held no room for argument, but I sighed and collapsed on the other side of my bed, burying my face into my pillow. “It’s not that easy, Jimmy.”

He snorted at my reply. “And why not?” His tone was still demanding, but softer and almost understanding.

“Because—because,” I let out a shaky breath and kept my head pressed into my pillow. “I broke a promise.” Several moments passed, and I almost thought he had left, so I sat up in bed, but he was still there, staring at me.

“Is it too late, Payton? To try and fix it?” He asked, his tone this time much more gentle.

I was about to say yes, but I didn’t want to disappoint Jimmy, too. That would surely be the cherry on top of the past few weeks. So I gave it a little thought and eventually sighed, looking down and tracing the patterns in my comforter with my index finger. As much as I wanted to say yes, I knew I would be lying. There was always time left to at least try, wasn’t there?

There wasn’t much more harm that could have been done, and the least I could do was attempt to fix the mess I had made. I hesitantly shook my head. “No, it’s not.”

Grinning, he reached over and ruffled my hair, to which I glared at him in return, but a small smile still played on my lips as I fixed it. “See, Mini?” What was that, a nickname for a nickname? “I knew you could do it. Come on, let’s go!” He stood up and began gesturing dramatically toward my door.

My eyes widened as I began to panic. Right now? Couldn’t he at least give me a few minutes so I could think of something to say to Matt? Letting out a heavy sigh, his shoulders drooped as he stared at me tiredly. “Come on Mini, he doesn’t expect some huge elaborate apology. He doesn’t even expect one at all.”

Still, I shook my head. “Mini, if I have to carry you over my shoulder again, I can’t promise that you won’t be taking another dive into the pool.” I gasped playfully at his threat as he lunged at me, and moments later I found myself bolting out of my room, Jimmy hot on my heels.

Taking the stairs two at a time, I honestly didn’t know how I managed not trip at the speed I was going. But the thought of getting my favourite shirt wet and having to do my hair all over again somehow made me almost glide down over the stairs, and straight into the living room. I leaped onto one of the sofas and clung onto it for what seemed like dear life. I looked around, frantic to find something that could deter Jimmy, but I found all of the Avenged guys, including Matt, staring at either me or Jimmy with an amused expression. I looked down, feeling the heat of a blush creep onto my face.

Standing up straight, Jimmy grinned before giving Matt a salute. “Mission accomplished, Captain!”

I rolled my eyes and leaned back into my seat, trying to catch my breath. I heard Jimmy laugh as he plopped himself down on the loveseat next to Johnny. “Someone’s out of shape.”

“Psh, yeah right. Every step you take, I have to take four!” I said in exasperation, finally calming down.

Nervously glancing between Jimmy and Matt, I tried to keep my uneasiness down. Ugh, why couldn’t someone just break the ice already? Matt looked over the moon just to see me downstairs, though, so I took that as a good sign. Maybe this wouldn’t go over so badly after all.

Multiple voices floated into the room from the stairs, and I noticed several bags on the floor when I glanced out toward the foyer. Sure enough, Val, Lacey, Leana, Gena and Michelle came into view just a few moments later. They all grinned when they saw me on the same sofa as Matt, and they all looked thoroughly surprised. Probably because I had been avoiding him like the plague for the past two weeks.

“Hey Payton,” Val said, the wide smile still gracing her features. She focused on Matt, and I was sure her smile grew even bigger. “We’re heading out now, babe.”

All of the guys got up and began hugging their respective girl goodbye. I smiled and waved once they were heading out the door, thoroughly confused, but I figured someone would realize that I was clueless as to where they were going and fill me in.

“They’re having a girl’s weekend out,” Brian said when he came back in, collapsing onto the sofa across from me as he wiggled his eyebrows. “To Las Vegas.”

Las Vegas? I was betting that was going to be an entertaining weekend for the girls. I tensed, but tried to relax as much as much as possible when Matt sat down beside me. “So, you up for a couple rounds of paintball, Payton?” He asked.

Was he seriously just going to act like nothing happened? I could not deal with that. I had to talk to them, or I was sure my head would explode in confusion. Even so, I nodded and smiled, mildly excited about where we were going. I had played paintball with Tyler quite a few times before, but just thinking about him made my heart and head hurt.

But I was fixing this, wasn’t I? I honestly couldn’t believe that I was even down here, talking with Matt. That had to mean something. At least then, whenever I worked up enough courage to phone Tyler I could bring him some small form of good news.

“You might wanna get a hoodie, then,” Matt said as everyone began to get up again, and I nodded before going back up to my room, grabbing a plain black hoodie and hauling on some Chuck Taylor’s while I was up there. I stopped in front of my door just as I was about to open it and let out a deep breath, glancing over at the picture on my desk I’d broken exactly two weeks ago.

It was still frameless. I just couldn’t bring myself to get a new one, I still felt horrible about smashing the original one, the one my mother and I had worked so hard on.

I blinked the tears back and sucked in another deep breath before opening my door, jogging down the hall and down the stairs. Things were going a little better, and I didn’t want to get myself down again. Matt grinned once he saw me in the foyer, his keys held in one hand. “All the guys are waiting in the cars.”

When we got outside, Matt’s SUV and another were parked side by side in the driveway, Brian and Johnny waved from the front seat of the one I hadn’t been in before. I raised my eyebrows at them, but Matt gestured for me to follow him to his, so I didn’t ask why we were taking two cars.

Seeing no one in the front seat, I hopped in. “Mini!” I jumped when someone kicked the back of my seat, and turned to playfully glare at Jimmy, who only smiled innocently. “It’s gonna be so much fun! You’re gonna be on my team, okay?”

“Sure.” I smiled, noticing he was the only other person in the car with us as Matt backed out of the driveway. I was grateful that he hadn’t gone with the others; I was betting it would have been awkward with just Matt and me in the car.

The drive to the paintball range was long and uneventful, with Matt getting frustrated with all of the traffic. Twenty minutes into the drive, I rested my head against the window, feeling a little tired.

I woke up to Jimmy laughing his usual insane laugh, and a very pissed off Matt. I looked at both of them warily. “Shut the fuck up, Jimmy!” Matt said, gripping the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white.

“Ugh, you’re such a shitty driver, Matt!” Jimmy yelled in a high pitched, nasally voice, still laughing. I glanced out the window, and noticed that Matt was trying to squeeze into a compact parking space with his not-so compact SUV. I couldn’t help but laugh, I’d never seen Matt so frustrated before and the fact that Jimmy was laughing made it that much funnier.

Finally, after more cussing and laughing, Matt stopped the car and Jimmy swung his door open, running toward the direction of where Brian had parked the other car.

Smiling, I got out and waited for Matt. I looked up at the ticket booth from across the parking lot, the sign above it reading ‘Hollywood Sports Paintball Park’ and grinned, the place looked huge and awesome. Brian strolled up to us as we made it half-way across the parking lot, a smirk plastered across his face.

“Have fun parking?” He asked, trying to hold back a laugh. I could tell Matt was glaring at him through his aviators.

“Whatever, you know I hate parking in places like that.” Matt muttered as we stepped onto the sidewalk, the rest of the guys were already at the ticket booth.

“Well it’s not my fault you can’t parallel park!” The two continued bickering back and forth until it was our turn at the booth. Seeing as I was new and the guys weren’t, I had to sign a waiver and Matt had to give me parental permission.

I loved how easy things were then. I was relaxed around everyone and no one was always on edge about how I was going to react to things, everyone just couldn’t stop smiling that I was actually willingly around Matt. Especially Jimmy, and I was happy that I hadn’t disappointed him. All I had to do then was find a way to patch things up with Tyler, and things would be as okay as they were before this whole mess had been created.

“Nuh uh, they’re for pansies!” Jimmy’s voice brought me back to reality, and he was pointing somewhat childishly toward the protective vest Matt had held in his hand.

Matt rolled his eyes and turned toward me, his hand outstretched for me to take the vest. I glanced around at the rest of the guys, and they weren’t wearing one either. Not wanting to be the odd one out, I shook my head and zipped my jumpsuit up. “You sure?” He asked worriedly, and I realized why he’d wanted me to wear a hoodie. I wouldn’t get as bruised as I normally would have. Sighing, he tossed the vest back onto the table.

Having always worn a hoodie under the rest of my gear before (because, let’s face it, it does hurt), I didn’t have too much of a problem with it. Although, I was tempted to take it off just because Matt wanted me to wear one.

Johnny smiled once everyone had their markers and all of the rest of their gear ready. “So, where are we going and what are we playing first?”

“Mad Max, Mad Max goddamnit! Cops and robbers!” Jimmy burst out, jumping on the balls of his feet.

“What do you think, Peanut?” Brian asked, and I scoffed at the new nickname. How many did they have for me?

Nonetheless, I glanced down at the map that Johnny held in his hands. There were four different areas we could play in; Apocalypse, Lunar Wars, Forbidden City, and the one Jimmy was so anxious to play in, Mad Max. I had to admit, the Mad Max field looked the coolest out them all, and so I pointed to that one and agreed with Jimmy.

After everyone agreed on Cops and Robbers, and the ‘Team Marshall’ gave us some instructions that I didn’t listen to, we were set loose onto the field. Jimmy and Brian were on my team, while Matt was with Zacky and Johnny. I couldn’t help but smirk under my mask; the guys didn’t know just how good I was at this game.

We’d been playing for hours, and I was exhausted. I was covered in paint, but that was the least of my worries. Once the guys had learned that I was better than they thought, they didn’t go easy on me. We were playing a different game by then, which was called ‘Protect the President’. I’d never played it before, so the guys had to briefly explain the concept of the game to me. Basically, one person was the ‘President’, and he had so many bodyguards, and there were one or two assassins. Brian and I were the latter. And guess who the president was? Matt.

I was so going to have fun with that. Brian was hiding behind a scrapped van; while I had managed to hoist myself up into the roof of a metal structure. There were barrels lining the edge of the rooftop, and I had myself wedged behind two, sitting back just enough so I wasn’t visible through them.

I had to hold back a laugh as I saw Zacky, Johnny and Jimmy, who were Matt’s bodyguards, check each building and look behind everything little thing as they passed, but failed to scan the rooftops. The tower that they were heading for was just ahead of us, and if I didn’t tag Matt soon, it would be game over for Brian and I. And this was the final round of the last game, so this was the one that really counted; this was the one that they would remember.

What really got me was that they were oblivious to me up on that rooftop, just a few yards away from me. If it were me down there, the rooftops would have been one of the first places I’d have checked. My heart lurched when I saw Matt coming around the corner, keeping to the left side of the makeshift road. In plain view.

My finger rested anxiously on the trigger, waiting for just the right moment. I had to be fast because for all I knew I could have been visible at an angle I hadn’t thought of. I stole a glance over at Brian, who could just barely see me from his place behind the van. He gave me the signal to go ahead. I held my breath and tried to steady my aim. I only had three paintballs left, which was only another reason why I couldn’t screw this up.

One paintball hit him in the center of his back, and he whirled around as soon as he heard the distinguished ‘pop’ of my paintball marker. The final, last two get him around his ribs. He still spun around, frantically looking for the source of the paintballs. I laughed as I stood up from behind the barrels. “Your bodyguards are shit, Matt!”

As soon as Brian heard me talking, he was out from behind the van and bounding toward me, all the while cheering. “Yes, Payton! You did it!” Once he got to where I was, he held his arms out to catch me.

The drop from the roof wasn’t that much, so I hopped over the barrels I’d been hiding behind and carefully steadied myself on the edge of the rooftop before letting myself drop into Brian’s arms. I laughed as we high-fived after he set me on my feet, I took my face mask off when I saw everyone heading over our way.

All of the guys laughed and congratulated Brian and I on the win, while I couldn’t stop grinning. But what happened next, I wasn’t expecting, and I didn’t know how to react when Matt pulled me into a hug. “Good job, kid.” I could hear the smile in his voice.

Saying I was shocked would be one of the biggest understatement of my lifetime. But, even through all of the excitement, I remembered that I was trying to fix things, and I think that if I pulled away, that would have set my relationship with Matt back at least a few steps. So, I relaxed into his hug and hesitantly wrapped my arms around him, telling myself that if Tyler didn’t see that as progress, all hope on giving Matt a chance would be lost.

“You’re gonna be on our team next time, Payton.” Zacky said as we were putting all of our gear back. He gestured between himself and Johnny, who nodded in agreement.

“What, am I not good enough for you?” Matt demanded after I handed him my marker, pretending to be hurt as he put his hands on his hips. I was still smiling; I felt much better then. I’d gotten a lot of aggression that had been built up over the past few weeks and I was considerably more relaxed.

I wasn’t as tense, and all of my problems didn’t seem so big and unsolvable anymore. Except for my impending conversation with Tyler; I had no idea what I was going to say to him. I didn’t even know when I was going to call him, but I had a feeling it would be soon. It had to be soon, I couldn’t put it off much longer. This was the longest we’d ever gone without talking to each other, and easily our most serious fight.

Was it a fight, though? I had done most of the yelling, and of course he was going to get defensive over it. Because he was trying to help me, he just went about it in a bad way.

On the way out, I noticed Jimmy trying to discreetly nudge Matt, who nodded slightly. But I’d been trailing behind them, and I noticed the exchange right away. I rolled my eyes at their obviousness, but didn’t say anything about it. When we got onto the sidewalk by the parking lot, they both turned around. “I’m afraid this is where I leave you, Mini!” Jimmy stepped forward and draped his arms around me, pretending to be broken up.

Matt noticed my skeptical look. “I figured I’d get you a new cell phone, so you wouldn’t have to be calling your friend with the house phone all of the time.” He said once Jimmy pulled away.

No, that wasn’t a hint. I didn’t even think he knew that Tyler and I still weren’t talking. However, he probably could have guessed that just from the way I had been acting over the last two weeks.

“I’m gonna miss you so much, Payton!” Jimmy looked like he was on the verge of tears, before he turned around and bolted across the parking lot. “I’m driving, you guys!” He hollered back to us, and seconds later a car door could be heard slamming shut.

Brian, Zacky and Johnny looked utterly horrified once they heard that, and quickly took off after him. Matt simply laughed and took his keys out of his pocket as he made his way over to the SUV. I paused, finally coming to the realization that Jimmy wouldn’t be riding with us this time, and I would be alone with Matt.

It was so obvious that they had planned this, and I knew that Matt would more than likely want to talk on the way to wherever we were going to get me a new phone. Which, by the way, I hadn’t even been asked if I wanted one or not.

Noticing that Matt was halfway to the SUV and I was still standing on the sidewalk, I hurried to catch up with him. An awkward silence filled the car once we got in, and I was a ball of nerves. I didn’t know what he wanted to talk about, but it would more than likely pertain to me ‘opening up to him’, and I didn’t know if I was ready to do that.

So many things were racing through my mind, there were so many things I wanted to say, and this was my chance to do it. Ten minutes had passed, and Matt had pulled onto a highway. The words were right there, I just had to open my mouth and pray that they came out right. “I’m sorry!” I quickly blurted, and immediately began mentally scolding myself. That was not what I wanted to say.