I Know You've Got Your Life In Place But I've Yet To Take The Hint

Moonlight filtered over the bus, making this midnight rendezvous seem even more inappropriate. It was hard to walk quietly with the mess that lingered on the floor from the latest party. Also, with a six and a half month belly, it was even harder, because chairs and counters seemed to just jump in my way.

Finally, though, I made it to the door and slipped outside.

“I thought you weren’t coming, I was just about ready to leave,” said a voice from beside the bus. A tall, lanky shadow approached me in the moonlight, and I lowered myself into a sitting position. Probably not the best idea because I would have a hell of a time getting up, but I didn’t care.

“I’m sorry, I had to pee. Several times. Being pregnant is a bitch, you know, all this pressure on the bladder. Be glad you can’t have a baby!” I said, wrapping my arms around said baby.

The laughter was low and husky. “True, that.” Finally the figure stepped into the moonlight, revealing the tall lanky guitarist. He looked worn and faded, wearing old clothes and looking like he hadn’t slept in forever.

“Jesus, Jack, you look like shit!” I said, concern creeping into my voice. “Sit down; you look like you might fall over.”

He stepped even closer to me, and then stumbled forward. I caught him and lowered him into a sitting position. When I did so, I caught the scent of alcohol that covered his breath.

“Jack, are you drunk?” I demanded.

He smiled, his teeth not quite meeting where they should. “Naw, Lis, don’t make things up. It’s not good for you. Almost as bad as keeping secrets.”

Pain shot through me at this. “I’m sorry, Jack. I regret telling you everything now. If you want to tell everyone, you can. I’ll handle it,” I said bravely. I hated knowing that I was probably the biggest source of his pain. If I’d been up front with Alex in the first place, he would have told everyone, they’d most likely hate me because none of them liked me to begin with, and Alex would be happy with Jack instead of being forced into marrying me. I don’t have any illusions of happy ever after with Alex. I don’t even really see us getting through this as friends; it’s come too far for that. But at least I’ll be safe, and so will Isobel.

Yes, I thought, absent-minded, rubbing my stomach. Isobel. I’d decided what my baby had to be named as soon as I’d found out I was going to have a girl. I’d never gotten the courage to tell Alex, and now definitely wasn’t the time tot ell him. I just wanted him to know that I respected him and loved his family and nothing would ever change that.

Jack was looking at me, his eyes curious. “Does your belly hurt?” he asked his voice softer now, almost a whisper.

I smiled. “You don’t have to whisper, Jack, she can’t hear us. And it doesn’t hurt, exactly, it’s just an awkward feeling, knowing something is inside of you, counting on you to love and protect it. I guess I feel like I’m protecting her, by hugging her, and showing her that I love her. It builds a connection.”

He was still staring at my stomach, his hands curled into each other at his side. I reached out and took his hand, guiding it to my stomach. He was hesitant at first, and then spread his hand out over my stomach.

“I’ve never felt her move yet, but-“I was cut off by Jack’s sharp intake of breath. “What is it?”

“She moved.”

I choked back a breath. “Are you – are you sure!” I asked quickly.

He nodded and lifted his hand up, putting mine underneath his. His warm fingers curled over mine and pressed them into my stomach. We waited for a few minutes but nothing happened, even with changing positions a few times. Disappointed, I made to pull away.

“She just doesn’t want me to feel her,” I said, jerking my fingers away. “It’s okay, I’ll-“

“Wait!” Jack gasped. “I just felt it again.” He pressed my fingers back into the spot that he’d first had them in, and sure enough I felt it. It was light enough to be a butterfly’s wings flapping, but it was real, and that was enough.

Tears rushed down my cheeks and I turned to Jack, my eyes alight with laughter. I was shocked to see tears racing down his face as well, and he was smiling but shaking his head at the same time.

“Jack?” I questioned.

He shook his head. When he spoke, his words were wobbly. “I’m sorry. I’m so happy right now, but I hate myself. I didn’t think I would manage to be a part of your lives, I was going to leave the band and move away and now, I can’t. I’m in love with this life, even if it’s not mine or Alex’s. I can’t leave now. She’s going to need me; she’s going to need her Uncle Jack.”

I leaned into Jack. “Her name’s Isobel and I’m sure she already loves you as much as I do, Jack. You can’t leave either of us, and you certainly can’t leave Alex.”

Jack looked at me. “Isobel.” His voice caught. “Lisa, I take back every bad thing I ever thought about you. I love you, too. You and the baby will be a part of my life forever, no matter what happens with me and Alex.”

More tears cascaded down my face. Isobel moved again under our joined hands, and we both stared down at the belly that was currently sheltering the source of our happiness.

“Alex wants you to be his only best man,” I said softly.

Jack looked up at me, shocked. “What about his dad, or Rian, or Zack,?”

“You’re special to him, Jack. He needs everyone to know how much you mean to him, and this is the only way he can do it.” I said, patting his hand.

“H-he hasn’t asked me.” Jack stuttered.

“He’s scared, Jack. You guys have barely talked; he probably thinks you hate him.” Jack looked at me, his eyes sad. “Talk to him, Jack. Please?”

He managed a nod, but didn’t look so convinced. My heart tore, and I knew that no matter what, I needed to fix this.