I Know You've Got Your Life In Place But I've Yet To Take The Hint

I felt like I was suffocating in my tux. The buttons were too tiny, the tie was too tight, and the pants were making my balls feel like they were going to explode. I looked at myself in the mirror for the fiftieth time. That once piece of hair was still sticking up, despite the whole damn bottle of gel I’d put in it.

“Damn, damn, damn.” I cursed, tugging viciously on the piece of hair. Tears smarted my eyes. “Fucking hair, you mother fucker.” I slammed my fist onto the table beside me. Everything on the table rattled, and the betraying bottle of gel rolled off of the table and onto the floor. I sighed, turned to look for it, but a hand was already holding it out to me.

I followed the arm up to the shoulders and then the face. Jack was staring at me, a slight grin on his face. “Lose something, Lex?”

I mock growled and grabbed it from him. “Yeah, not that the piece of shit is working, I mean, look at this stupid piece of hair that’s sticking up!”

Jack frowned at me. “What piece of hair?”

I turned to the mirror, ready to just grab the piece of hair and chop it off, but stopped. Jack was right. My hair was all flat, nothing was sticking up. “Well, I’ll be damned.” I guess tugging on the damn hair had finally made it realize that everything had to go perfect today. I tugged at my tie again, and then brushed at the vest and pulled on my pants. Jack grabbed my hand.

“Alex, stop stressing yourself out, you look amazing, baby. You can do this.” He leaned forward and hugged me, channeling some of his strength into me. I didn’t let him go right off, because I couldn’t. I just couldn’t.

“Well, just look at the two of you, all grown up and stuff!” came a voice from the door. We both turned, and my mom was standing there. My eyes filled with tears. She looked frail, and pale, but the smile that stretched across her face was incredibly strong and vibrant. Her dress hung limply on her frame, but she held her head up high and stood tall, and when she came to hug me, I could still feel the strength of the mother I loved so much.

Tears filled my eyes as she hugged me, and then hugged Jack.

“Alex, don’t cry, you’ll ruin your makeup,” Jack teased me, and I shot him a look, but secretly I was glad that he was there with me. I don’t know how I would have held up otherwise. I leaned into him sub-consciously, and he put an arm around me.

My mom pulled out a camera. “Don’t move, you two. I want a picture so the world can see how special the both of you really are.” Me and Jack looked at each other just as the flash went off, and I knew that this would be a picture I would kill to have a copy of.

“Come on, boys, it’s time for you to take your places and start the insufferable waiting that is the lovely part of a wedding,” my mom said, and took both of our hands, pulling us along after her out of the waiting room and into the main part of the church.

We walked up the aisle slowly and took our places. All eyes were on us. I calculated we still had about 5 minutes before the bride would make her entrance.

Jack poked me. “Alex. Alex. Alex.”

I turned slightly to face him. “What, Jack?” I whispered, watching all of the eyes in the room strain to follow our conversation.

“Oh, nothing. I just wanted to say hi. HI!” Jack whispered back and smiled a heartbreakingly cute smile that hid all of the pain he had to be feeling. I couldn’t stay sad though. Jack’s behavior reminded me of high school, and all we’d been through together. Some of the things hadn’t been easy, from stuff with his family, to me losing my brother, to the band, to actually passing our classes. We’d been through so much together; I wasn’t going to lose him now. I’d focus on the good memories, and ignore the bad ones.

I reached over and took Jack’s hand and squeezed it. “I love you, Jack. I couldn’t do this without you.”

He didn’t say anything, but the love in his eyes said it all.

The church bells begin to ring. That meant it was 12:00pm exactly. I knew after the final toll of the 12 tolls, Lisa would make her way down the aisle towards me, and this thing would become real. I hadn’t accepted it as real yet, I guess there was no time like now to do so.

Ding.

My heart began to race abnormally.

Ding.

I forgot how to breathe.

Ding.

My mom’s eye met mine and she gave me a thumb up sign.

Ding.

I suddenly became fascinated by the flowers everywhere in the church.

Ding.

The flower girl began her march down the aisle.

Ding.

Bridesmaids began their march down the aisle.

Ding.

Bridesmaids continued to walk down the aisle at an alarmingly fast rate.

Ding.

Jack dropped my hand.

Ding.

The flower girl, Lisa’s niece, reached the front of the church and hugged me knees.

Ding.

I felt the vomit rise all the way from my stomach to my throat, and drop down again.

Ding.

I located Rian and Zack in the crowd and decided I was going to look at them the whole time.

Ding.

Silence filled the air, the scent of perfume mingling heavily with the scent of flowers. A sweet sound filled the air, and the church doors opened one last time, revealing my bride to be in her beautiful creamy white dress, looking every bit the model she was.

She floated down to me, and I could see all eyes on her. Except mine.

The priest began to recite the words I’d worked so hard on for so many nights, and I could see the ripple of appreciation and admiration in the crowd. Lisa couldn’t meet my eyes, either, instead looking at her elaborate bouquet of roses that she carried.

I tuned out the priest until I heard the words I didn’t want to answer.

“Do you, Alexander Gaskarth, give yourself in body and soul to the woman standing in front of you?”

I opened my mouth to answer, but no words came out. I swallowed and went to try again, but Lisa stopped me.

She finally looked up, her eyes red and her face pale, and she looked like hell. She looked like a wild woman, waiting to attack.

“He doesn’t. He shouldn’t. He won’t! Not after he hears what I have to say. It’s for the best, really.” Lisa said her voice shaking and uneven.

The priest looked at her in shock. “Are you saying that you don’t desire to marry Mr.Gaskarth, after all?”

The crowd held its breath, waiting.

Lisa took a deep breath and faced the crowd this time. “Yes. I’m saying that I don’t want to marry Alex.”