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Lily’s P.O.V

I don’t know how many times I’d vacuumed the floor today. I’m sure the people living below me were ready to snap. But I was nervous. I clean when I get nervous at home. It’s silly, because I shouldn’t be nervous, but every time Anastasia came over she brought up things I didn’t want to talk about. I always panicked, wondering how I was going to evade her questions this time. As I vacuumed the living room once again, I still didn’t know.

Anastasia Manning is my older sister. She lives in Vegas too, but on the other side of the city from me. She’s a doctor. I feel like I rarely get to see her since she’s so busy with work. She’s also married to a lawyer, so you can imagine the kind of money they make. She has one daughter, who is 3, and they live as a big happy family in an expensive house that I’ve only seen twice. All my life I felt inferior to Ana. It’s not like my family shone a light on her, and Ana certainly didn’t want a spotlight, but it was just some part of me that felt like she was so much better than me. Maybe it was because she went off to college and got a degree instead of getting pregnant. I don’t know. She just seemed to have a lot less problems than I did and I envied her for that.

I pushed my bangs behind my ear and tightened the messy bun holding all my hair together at the back of my head. I straightened my glasses and put the vacuum away, vowing to not get it out again until tomorrow. I sat down on the recliner and tapped my knee with my fingers. I hated feeling this uncomfortable. She was only family. I loved her; she was my big sister. But I couldn’t help but feel inadequate, and she hadn’t even arrived yet.

Speak of the devil. The buzzer sounded and I raced to click the button and let her inside. Avaya had toddled into the kitchen by now, anxiously waiting to see her cousin. There was a knock on the door and I opened it, forcing a blinding smile on my face.

“Hey,” I said, stepping aside to let Ana in.

“There’s my baby sis!” She exclaimed.

She set down her daughter, Colette, who raced over to hug Avaya. My sister turned to me, grinning, and brought me in for a hug. She hadn’t changed much from the last time I saw her. Her hair was a darker brown, cut at her shoulders, and she still had the body any girl would be envious of. Her chocolate brown eyes were bright and happy and her perfect teeth almost sparkled in the light. She was wearing some fancy sundress with a confusing blue and purple pattern on it, and gladiator shoes adorned with metal studs. Her skin looked healthily tan and I could tell she just had a mani/pedi. It must be nice. Immediately I felt pretty inadequate in my ripped jean shorts and loose vintage tank top. My hair looked like I’d just gotten out of bed and tossed it in a bun—which, admittedly, was the case—and I was suddenly painfully aware of the fact that my glasses could make me look pretty nerdy.

“How are you?” I asked softly once she was done hugging me.

“Exhausted!” she exclaimed. “The hospital has been weighing on me a lot this past month. Thankfully I’m off for holidays for a few weeks. I need it.”

“Oh, well you look great,” I complimented. I put some water into the kettle and plugged it in. Ana always had tea when she came over.

“Thanks, so do you,” she said, taking a seat at the table. “You seem…different, though. Are you pregnant again? Do mom and dad know?” She tossed me a wink.

I winced. “God, no,”

“Alright, then what’s up? You can’t hide things from me, Lil, you know that.”

I sighed heavily. She was right, of course. She had that annoying sixth sense that sisters sometimes had where she could immediately tell if something was bugging me or if something had changed in my life. And she never failed to remind me that she possessed said trait.

I sat down beside her at the table and chewed my lip. The only thing different in my life was Zak’s presence. But if I told her about that she’d never stop asking questions about him. I didn’t want that. I blew some hair out of my face and settled for an easy lie.

“Nothing’s really new,” I answered. “Work and final exams have been weighing on me a lot.”

“Mm,” I could tell she didn’t completely believe me. “You should get a massage, Lil. I can take you to my favourite spa. You’ll never feel as good as you do when you come out of that place.”

My heartbeat raced unpleasantly. “I can’t,” I muttered, getting up to check the kettle.

She groaned. “Why not?”

“You know why.”

“Lily…they’re just scars. They’re not that bad. You can’t let them dictate your life.” She sighed. “I’ve been telling you this for years.”

“I know,” I answered.

“That’s it? That’s your argument now? You’re not even trying anymore. You have to get over it, Lily. What he did to you…that was ages ago. It’s time to move on.”

I turned around, using the counter for support. “I can’t just get over it, Ana, you know that. The scars are just a reminder of what happened. They’re a reminder of that fear.”

“And you can’t let fear control your life!” she hissed. “You never have any fun anymore. The minute you think someone could see those scars you panic and close yourself off. How are you ever going to move on from Matt if you think like that?”

“Easy,” I mumbled. “I’ll figure it out when I want to move on.”

“I think you want to move on right now,” Ana argued. “But that little complex you have isn’t letting you, is it?”

“No…”

I ran my left hand over my right shoulder, underneath my shirt. I could feel the little bumpy pattern on my shoulder blade beneath my fingers. I knew exactly where the other markings were just like that one. There were some in the middle of my back, on the right side of my lower back, and a vertical line down my left side. When I touched them I got vivid flashbacks of the moment I received them. A ghostly burn tickled my back at the memory.

Anastasia sighed and walked over to hug me. I lightly hugged her back. She liked to hug. She thought it comforted people.

“I just want to see you happy again, Lily. You can say you’re happy all you want but I know you’re not; not really. I want you to find someone and be happy with them. Even mom and dad want that for you.”

I stared down at the floor. I’d kind of found someone. I made a friend at least. That had to count for something, right? They couldn’t just ignore that, could they? Maybe they’d leave me alone if they knew.

“I did meet someone,” I blurted out. The kettle began screaming behind me so I spun around to poor it into our individual mugs.

Ana was silent beside me for a moment. I could feel her shock creeping off her body. It was almost offensive, really. Was I that broken to them?

“I knew it!” She screeched, grabbing my free arm. “Who is he? What’s he like? Is he sweet? Does he like Avaya?”

I shook my head and unplugged the kettle. I picked up our mugs and nodded towards the table for her to sit. She swept onto her chair and eagerly waited for me to start speaking. I sat down and flicked my mug with my fingers.

“His name is Zak,” I said quietly. “We’re just friends. He’s…interesting. I guess he’s sweet. And Avaya has grown on him I think.”

She made a girly giggling noise and sipped at her steaming drink. “What’s he look like? Is he your type? I bet he is.”

I rolled my eyes. I was stepping into dangerous territory here. “He’s tall-ish, I guess. Um, black hair…he spikes it up into one of those fohawk shark fin things…glasses that he doesn’t always wear…muscles, and he wears a lot of black.”

“Wow, if that description doesn’t scream your name I don’t know what does,” she smirked. “So when’s the wedding, Lily?”

“Shut up,” I snapped. “We’re just friends, Ana, okay? That’s it. There’s nothing more to us than that.”

“Look me in the eyes and say that, Lil.”

Oh god, I hated this game. I could never win. I looked up at her but didn’t repeat what I said. I thought I’d play dumb.

“Say what?” I mumbled.

She lifted her chin up infinitesimally. “Look me in the eyes and say there’s nothing more to you and this Zak character. Look at me and tell me you don’t want there to be anything more.”

I shook my head and looked back down into my tea. I couldn’t say that because I didn’t know. I had no idea what I felt anymore. It’d been so long since I felt such attraction towards someone that I forgot what to do next. Instead, I just got scared. So I was lost.

“So you want more with him,” she concluded softly. “Why don’t you go get it, Lily?”

“You know why,” I repeated.

“Don’t you use that as an excuse,” Ana grumbled. “Matt did horrible things to you. But that was years ago. The more you let him control you the happier he’ll be. You can’t let that son of a bitch win, Lily. What happened to my sassy little sister who didn’t take shit from anyone, especially not a bully?”

I leaned my head against the palm of my hand and sighed. I didn’t know where that part of me had gone to, but I really wished she’d come back.

“You’re right, I know,” I answered quietly. “But you don’t understand how hard this is, Ana…you don’t.”

“Of course I don’t,” she shrugged. “But I know you can get up from this. You have to get up from this, not only for you but for Avaya. She needs a real father figure and I have a feeling Zak can do a better job than Matt.”

I smirked. I was remembering the other night in the restaurant when I’d caught Zak smiling adoringly at Avaya. He’d looked so happy, watching her be content. For a guy with little experience with kids, I was certain he’d be a good father. But would he be a father for Avaya? That was the question that bugged me.

Anastasia put a hand over mine on the table. I looked at her. She looked so concerned. I hated that look. It’s like I want people to care about me and worry about me, but I hate seeing them when they do worry. I feel like they shouldn’t worry that much. I wasn’t that important. Compared to Anastasia, I really wasn’t that important.

“That dick bag ruined you,” she said firmly. “Mom, dad and I have been trying to repair you for five years, Lily. You’ve refused us. Answer me this, can Zak make you smile? Can he make you laugh? Do you feel happy and safe around him?”

I blinked at her. “I…I don’t—”

“Does he make you feel at home?”

I swallowed. Yeah, he did. He made me feel the most safe I’d felt in years. It confused me. I wasn’t used to it.

“Y-yeah,” I stuttered.

“Then please, for the love of god, let him help you,” she begged. “He might be the one to finally bring my baby sister back. And if he is, then you better marry him someday, you hear me?”

I just sipped at my tea. She’d certainly given me some more things to consider. I wasn’t sure I needed more stuff rattling around in my head and keeping me awake at night, but at this point what was one more lingering thought?

In a whisper, she asked, “Does he know about Matt?”

I flicked at my mug again. “He met him when I went to pick Avaya up a couple weeks ago. He wants me to go to court so I can get him out of my life. But he doesn’t know all the things Matt did to me.”

“I think you need to tell him.”

“But I can’t! What if he decides he doesn’t want anything to do with me later? Then he leaves knowing all this dark crap about me. I don’t like the thought of someone having that much dirt on me.” I put my head in my hands.

“Does he seem like the kind of guy who would do that to you?” she asked.

“I thought he was at the start but…now I don’t.” I sighed. “I’m sorry. I can’t help but overreact about this stuff…you know how bad it got.”

“I do. That’s why I want you to let this boy in. It’s time for change, Lily.” She smiled warmly at me.

“I guess.” I nodded.

She clapped her hands together in front of her face, startling me. “Alright, if you’ve got a hot boy on the line, we need to spruce you up a bit.”

My eyes got wide with panic and I shook my head quickly. “No, no we don’t,” I argued. “I think I’m fine the way I am.”

She gave me her ‘you’re kidding me’ look. “Lily, your hair looks like a mess. Did you even brush it this morning?”

I blushed and looked down. “No.”

She sighed heavily. “We have so much work to do. Grab your tea, let’s go.”

I groaned as she hauled me out of my chair and into the bathroom. She sat me down on the toilet and dug around for my hairbrush and makeup kit. When she had everything she needed she turned to face me with a conspiring look.

“Are you ready for some Class A sister bonding?” she asked.

“I’m never ready,” I muttered, sipping my tea. Indeed, makeovers were and always had been Ana’s bonding method.

She set to work combing out my hair. Every time she caught a snag with the brush I moaned in pain. I thought I was going to get whiplash from the different directions my head was being yanked in. Eventually that section of torture was over and my brown hair hung in soft waves past my chest. She played with it, bouncing it around, and clipped my bangs back. She had me sit up and pulled out my contacts. I nearly hissed at the things. I hated everything about contacts, from putting them in to taking them out. I’d rather suffer through wearing my nerdy glasses than go a day with something on my eyeball.

“Absolutely not,” I declared adamantly.

“Too bad,” She opened the left side of the container. “Look up.”

I struggled against the hold she had me in but it didn’t work. She used one hand to pull my eyelid down and the other to put the contact on my eyeball. I gasped at the funny sensation and started to blink furiously once she got it in. I felt incredibly uncomfortable for a few seconds and my vision was even more blurry than normal. Eventually it cleared on the left side, but since I wasn’t wearing my glasses my right side was still blurry.

“Time for the next one,” she mused.

“God, why?!” I complained. “Why me?”

“Because you were born blind as a bat and the thick-rimmed glasses are getting a little old,” Ana chuckled. “Plus, it’s fun for me. Now stop moving.”

And so the afternoon progressed. She decorated me with light eye shadow, eyeliner, and mascara, along with a light pink lip gloss she found in the catacombs of my makeup kit. She sprayed some mixture I didn’t even know I had in my hair to make it smooth and shiny and left it dangling in full waves. She was about to dig through my closet when my door buzzed.

I rushed to answer it and she followed me. I was just as confused as she was. I’d only been expecting Ana today, not anyone else.

I pressed the talk button. “Who is it?”

The box crackled and a familiar voice replied, “Zak.”

My eyes widened in fear and I turned around to face Ana. A slow smile pulled on her lips.

“Oh god, what do I do?” I whispered. I wasn’t expecting him! He wasn’t even going to recognize me like this!

“Let him in!” She said, rushing over to me.

“No, I can’t!”

“Oh don’t be a baby,” She reached across me and pressed the button that would allow Zak entry. I glared sharply at her.

She turned to hide behind the living room wall.

“What are you doing?” I hissed.

“I want to see his face when he looks at you!” she giggled. “Don’t tell him I’m here.”

I rolled my eyes, about to ream her out when there was a knock on my door. I panicked a bit and fixed my tank top. Oh god, I was wearing a tank top. I gave myself a personal reminder to not let Zak see what parts of my shoulders were revealed.

I pulled open the door and smiled shyly at him. He was looking especially cute—it feels weird calling someone like Zak ‘cute,’ but there’s no other word that quite does it justice—today. He had his standard tight shirt and black jeans on with the bulky belt buckle. He wasn’t wearing his glasses and his hair was especially spiked up. I think my favourite part about him was his expression as he walked through the door though. Ana had been right, and I hope she was watching right now. The look he had was priceless.

He had to do a double-take. At first he looked shocked and even a little confused, but then he took it all in and smiled at me.

“What happened to you?” he asked with a chuckle.

I blushed and picked at a strand of fabric hanging off my jean shorts. “Um, my sister,” I didn’t know what else to say. Obviously I hadn’t done it myself. “I look weird, I know.”

“No, no, you look beautiful,” he corrected me. “I was just expecting the messy up-do and glasses, that’s all.”

“Well I did have both those things earlier today,” I muttered, hoping Ana could hear the spite in my tone.

He reached his hand out and lightly twisted a strand of my long hair around his fingers. He smiled at me.

“You’re gorgeous either way,” he complimented.

I bit my lip. “Thanks, Zak.”

“Well that’s too cute,” Ana popped out from behind the wall and leaned against it. Zak jumped a little at her sudden appearance and then looked at me with a confused expression.

I scratched my head. “Zak, this is my older sister, Anastasia. You can blame her for my appearance.” I stepped aside so they could shake hands.

I recognized the look on Ana’s face. I started blushing at the sight of it. It meant nothing good was about to come out of her mouth.

“You’re so my sister’s type,” she said, giving Zak the once-over.

“Oh, um, thanks,” Zak laughed it off. I hid my face behind my hands.

“Hey, Zak, do you drink tea?” Ana asked, walking over to the kettle. My stomach dropped to the floor.

“Yeah, I do,” Zak answered. There goes my jaw.

“Come sit, let’s talk,” Ana pointed to the table before making another cup of tea for Zak.

And I watched in horror as Zak and my sister sat down at the table for a lovely chat about little old me.