Too Far Gone

"If you find any baking soda out on your run, it'll help with washing clothes..." Beth commented, starting to pick at her own food. It always amazed her how resourceful the cooks of their group were with the ingredients they got. She no longer dreaded eaten what she was given. "It can really help get out baby food stains..." It was a trick she'd learnt cleaning up her own clothes when Judith was a little bit too excited about her food.

Experimenting with less-sought-after items like that was an important key to the new way of life, she thought. Things were going to run out eventually, and whilst she doubted that survivors grabbed detergent in their scramble, it was still good to adapt. She'd come across a box in the prison storage once, and tried her hand at using it for multiple things; shampoo, detergent, even a skin exfoliator. She wouldn't complain if Rick bought her back another box. It seemed like an odd thing for an eighteen-year-old to be excited about, but it was certainly useful.

She cast another glance across to the group, noticing a few awkward new-comers group together as they anxiously tried to figure out where to go.

"I forget we're not the only ones..." She murmured, going back to her food.

"You can bring Judith's crib into my room tonight if you want?" Beth suggested. "That way you're not disturbing her in the morning, and you can head straight out."

"Baking soda," Rick repeated with a nod. "Right."

At this point, he wasn't even surprised at the sorts of things they'd found uses for. Although he did occasionally wonder how discovering their uses came about. Then again, perhaps it was the Greene's more rural upbringing that led to such knowledge.

He followed Beth's gaze as she spoke, watching the new additions to their group. Awkward start, as always. But they'd soon find their own place and their own jobs.

"Means we get less dish washing shifts," Rick commented, spooning more food for Judith. But his tone lacked much enthusiasm. He understood the need to come together for survival, for a new start. Wanted it, even. But when it had just been their small group, for months on end, he'd gotten used to the still and the quiet and the familiarity. He knew the people he'd traveled with, he didn't know the others.

He glanced up at Beth again when she spoke of Judith.

"You sure? It'd help, and I'd appreciate it... her bottles and things though," he thought for a second. "Might be easier, if you'd want, if you took my cell for the night? Save moving all Judith's things, her diapers and change of clothes. Top bunk has clean sheets I can swap for you, I'll take one of the empty cells near the stairs."

It was hard when new people joined the prison. Beth understood it must be a relief for them all. They'd finally found shelter, somewhere safe. It was the right thing to do, letting them in. She knew the questions that were always asked, but sometimes she wondered just how foolproof it all was. They may have been let it, but it took more than that to get her to trust them. They'd never replace the people they'd lost, though. She certainly wasn't interested in any of the boys that passed through. It struck her as odd. One or two of them still thought it was time to flirt, or 'try to get to know her better'. She wasn't interested. Especially when she was taking care of Judith.

The idea of swapping cells seemed a bit odd. Everyone had their own space, somewhere they had customised for themselves. She didn't want to invade Rick's privacy by taking up his cell for a night. Maybe it was time they found another crib for Judith, for occasions like this. Still, his suggestion made sense.

"I don't mind if you don't," She shrugged, pausing for a moment to take a bite of her food. "Means Judith might settle a little easier too if she's in the same cell..."

Beth was glad Rick was so understanding when it came to asking her for help with Judith. He didn't just hand Judith off to her without asking first. It was never a problem, but it was still nice to know that he realised she was her own person too. He never put her out when he asked her to take care of Judith, and Beth was aware she could say no if she needed to.

"You don't need to take one of the empty cells," Beth offered with a smile. "Just take the top bunk of mine... I have spare blankets. No point you holdin' up in a cold empty cell for the night. You need some proper rest."

"Only if you're comfortable with it," Rick said, shrugging a shoulder. "Just don't want you havin' too much hassle if Judith wakes up in the night. Not even a year old, I swear she's got more things than I do."

Not that that was saying much. Their possession's were sparse from lack of resources, most of the things he owned were clothes and guns. Some of the others decorated their cells with sheets they'd found, small nicknacks they'd collected on the way, or things found in other cell blocks. But Rick's was devoid of anything that wasn't essential, and the overflowing bag of fresh diapers in the corner of his cell was very much essential.

He shook his head at Beth's suggestion, however.

"I don't mind sleeping in an empty cell," he told her. "Don't wanna invade your space, we're all on top of each other enough as it is in this place. It's fine to keep it yours."

"I think it's a good idea," Beth agreed. It was just one night and it was going to help the supply run tomorrow go smoothly. "But you really don't have to sleep in an empty cell..."

If Rick was determined to not sleep in Beth's cell, then she wasn't going to force him, but it didn't seem fair to just boot him out into a sparse block. The reality was, they were all prison cells, and ones that weren't lived in just seemed miserable. Beth knew she would have found it much harder to live in one if they hadn't had the chance to make them they're own. She'd been in Rick's room once or twice to pick up Judith, and it certainly wasn't the most decorated, but it was far better than an empty one.

"So long as you don't start reading through my notebooks, you won't be invading my space," She joked, finishing off the rest of her food. They always seemed to be small portions, and she didn't mind. At least it was something.

"I'll get some pyjamas and blankets out of my cell later."

Rick shook his head, huffing a short laugh.

"'course not," he said, getting to his feet and gathering up Judith and his dirt plate. "I appreciate it, Beth. I'll go sort my things now, you just go in whenever you're ready."

He nodded to her and made his way back over to the long preparation table, dropping his plate and Judith's spoon into the tub of dishes.

From there, he returned to the cell block. Carl bathed Judith whilst Rick pulled the necessary things from his room. He swapped his used sheets for the clean ones from the top bunk, leaving his in a pile on the now empty bed. No use in washing them just yet, be a waste of water at the current time.

Rick placed a folded change of clothing outside the door of Beth's cell, set on deciding later if it were worth seeking out an empty bunk or just using Beth's spare. Everything done, he returned to his children. Carl seemed to have gotten almost as wet as his sister, so Rick took Judith off to ready her for bed whilst Carl got dry. He set her down in her cot at the time she usually settled for bed, much earlier than the adults did, and sat with Daryl on one of the benches in the communal area, within listening distance of his daughter whilst they went over the plans for the next day.

Beth smiled at Rick as he gathered up his stuff and left. She spent a little while longer on the bench, enjoying the sunlight whilst it was still out. The warmer weather was definitely a treat in the prison. In winter, the cell blocks got even colder than they usually were. Everyone seemed to wrap up in at least three blankets at night. Beth often wondered if it was worth asking if anyone knew how to knit. Needles and wool mustn't be too hard to come by, considering it won't have been a survival essential. She never got round to it. Everyone else had other things to do, including her.

After clearing away her own plate, Beth spent the rest of the day helping out her father. He was coping well with only one leg, but she still felt like she needed to be of some use to him. Crutches meant he couldn't carry things, and Beth didn't mind running things back and forth for him. Daryl had found a prosthetic leg, but she knew her father switched between the leg and his crutches. On days he used his crutches, Beth liked to make sure she was there for him. She didn't want him leaning up to restock an infirmary cupboard and falling.

Once she'd helped him with all she could, Beth headed back to her own cell, confident that her father could manage anything else on his own. She paused for a moment outside her room, noticing the pile of clothes. She briefly smiled and lifted the fabric she'd hung in front of the cell opening. A small bag of toiletries and some clean clothes would be all she needed for the night. Beth collected her things together, folding her pyjamas and clean clothes neatly into a pile. She hesitated as she spotted her journal. Rick said he wouldn't read it, and it was trivial of her to be worried about it, but it still felt incredibly personal. She picked it up from her bed and placed it under her t-shirt in her clothes pile. At least that way she'd have something to do if she couldn't sleep or if she woke up early.

With everything bundled up in her arms, she left the cell and wandered towards Rick's to set her stuff down.

Rick nodded to Beth as she walked by with her things, before continuing his discussion with Daryl.

It got late, and things began to quieten around the cell block. Rick eventually retired to Beths room, setting up on the top bunk and doing his best to disturb her space as little as possible. After his days labour he fell asleep quickly and it felt like no time at all had passed until Daryl was shaking him awake.

They readied themselves and left quietly. It was an easy enough run, just a little further out than normal as the resources close by became sparse. With the increased amount of people they were gathering more domestic supplies, going through homes for clothes, dishware and tinned supplies.

Rick remembered Beths request, finding some baking soda not long past its use by date. Trousers he found in a close a few houses down. As he rolled them up to stuff in his bag the dressing table caught his eye. Dusty nicknaks covered the surface of the table. Brushes, and small pots of cosmetic. There was a bottle of nail polish set amongst some others, a shell pink colour. He'd never seen Beth wear any form of make up, although that was hardly surprising. The colour was muted and subtle, though. Matching Beths down to earth nature, her blonde hair and her blue eyes. Recalling their previous conversation, Rick pocketed the small bottle before making his way out the room and onto the next house.

It was slightly difficult to settle in someone else's cell, but at least, it wasn't an empty one. Beth spent some time in the evening keeping an eye on Judith, singing softly to her if she ever seemed to stir. She spent some time lying on the top bunk, listening to the steady pattern of Judith breathing in her sleep. There were very few noises throughout the night, something she'd grown accustomed to. Silence meant safety. The next noises she heard were the ones waking her up as Daryl and Rick headed out in the morning. She briefly peaked over the side of the bunk to check on Judith before deciding she deserved a small lie in.

The rest of the day was just keeping Judith in routine and entertaining her. It was a pleasant and quiet day for Beth, and certainly a creative one. She'd picked up the habit of collecting old junk that no one seemed to have much use for in order to create things. The process of making something always entertained Judith, and usually left her with something to play with afterwards.

Beth spent the afternoon back in her cell, sat on the floor. She leant back against her bunk with Judith sat up in her lap, propped up against her torso. Today's item was an old egg carton. She'd already cut out the individual sections of the carton, but busied herself with carefully picking holes in the sides of each part and threading a stray piece of string through. With it tied at both ends, it soon became a toy train for Judith. It was something her own mother used to do with her when she was a child, and it brought a smile to her face to see how fascinated Judith was with it.

Watching Judith play with the makeshift toy, Beth's mind began to wander to Daryl, and Rick. It was always nerve-wracking when people from the group went out on runs. Spending time with Judith made Beth realise just how important it was that Rick came back. She wanted him to come back safe.

The sun was only just beginning to set when Rick and Daryl drove back into the prison courtyard. It had been an easy run, only the small smattering of cuts and bruises that they'd long since become accustomed to staining Rick's skin.

They unloaded their full bags from the back of the car. Daryl took those to head to the area they stored and prepared food in, and Rick took the bags with items for the prison residence. Clothes went in the pile to be sorted, bathroom necessities to be rationed out...

Rick pulled the bundle of trousers from the bag last, making his way to Beth's cell. He found the girl playing with his daughter on the floor, an egg cup creation being tossed about my Judith's chubby hands. Rick rapped his knuckles on the bars to announce his presence, standing in the cell's entrance.

"She been good?" he asked, setting down the trousers on the end of Beth's bunks. He added the tub of baking soda and, after a moment's consideration, slid the bottle of nail polish from his pocket and into the folds of one pair of trousers. "Looks like she's enjoying herself, anyhow."

The sound of Rick knowing on her cell bars caused Beth to quickly disconnect from her worrying thoughts. It took her a moment to register that he was stood in the doorway after she'd been thinking about him coming back. Beth felt herself relax at the sight of him, a smile coming to her face when he spoke.

"Yeah," She said softly after a moment, a hand coming up to gently stroke Judith's hair. "She's been great all day..."

Beth shifted to carefully push herself up from the floor with Judith resting on her hip once more. It felt nice to stretch her legs a little bit as she watched Rick set down the things he'd brought her. She didn't notice him slip the nail polish under the trousers.

"Did everything go okay?"

"Jus' fine," Rick said with a nod. "A run of houses, mostly been untouched. We got a good haul, found the things you wanted."

He leant in to kiss the top of Judith's head, bringing a hand up to cup the back of it for a moment. Her hair felt silky, despite the dirt and blood ingrained in his palms. Girl's probably gonna grow up to have the worlds strongest immune system, he thought idly. Probably also one of the first to be born with the virus too...

No time to think about that now. No where those thoughts could go, anyhow.

"I'm guessing things were easy here, Judith aside? Didn't get to talk to any of those on fence duty when we got in."

Beth's breath caught in her throat when Rick leaned in to kiss Judith. She felt ridiculous immediately after, knowing that there was no reason for her reaction. She pursed her lips and watched Rick interact with his daughter, reminding herself to just appreciate the cute gesture for what it was. There was no need to overreact, or make it about herself. It was silly of her.

She turned her head to look at the small haul he'd brought back for her, her lips slowly relaxing into a soft smile. It wasn't a huge deal, but she was glad he remembered what she'd asked for.

"Thanks," Beth breathed out, "Do you need me to wash anything? I'll probably do my own clothes soon."

Considering he'd gone out of his way to find her something as trivial as baking soda, she didn't mind washing a few things for him. It would save on water too.

"Everything's been fine, nothing major..." Things seemed to run pretty smoothly in the prison now. "Glenn's been showing a few new guys how fence duty works."

Rick nodded along as Beth spoke, reaching out to take Judith from her. He shook his head, however, at the offer of laundry.

"Still don't know what needs to be washed and what needs to be burnt," he admitted with a wry smile. "I appreciate the offer though, me 'n Carl 'll be doing ours later. If you got a minute, maybe you could show us the baking soda trick then? Lord knows we need to figure something out. Can't just keep scrapping the clothes too far gone..."

He trailed off with a shrug, readjusting Judith on his hip. Whilst Beth said she didn't mind taking care of Judith, he'd waster most of her day with it. And now here he was, rambling on about laundry of all things. Sometimes Rick had to remind himself of how young Beth was, her kindness and easy going attitude exuded maturity, but there were inevitably better things for a teen girl to be getting on with. And the nail polish... damn, what had he been thinking.

"Thanks for looking after Judith," he said, picking up from his pause. "We'll let you get on now, huh?" he addressed the last sound to Judith as she plucked at his shirt collar. "You sayin' thanks to Beth too?"

Age didn't seem to mean much anymore. Kids had to grow up faster now and take on more responsibilities. Beth had already been helping out around the farm before Rick's group turned up, but not to the extent she was at the prison. Her father had wanted to give her as normal a life as possible, but when the barn incident occurred, Beth knew she had to grow up. She just didn't want to feel useless anymore. Someone needed to do 'housework', and she didn't mind it being her.

"We'll see what we can save with the baking soda," Beth smiled, her hands going into the pockets on the front of her jeans. "I can show you how to use it for a general wash and stain removal, I don't mind."

It amazed Beth how she disliked chores when they were at the farm, but now it was just routine for her. It was something to do and it kept her distracted from what was going on beyond the fences. Nowadays she hated sitting around and not doing anything, but she knew her own boundaries. She doubted she would be much use on supply runs and that was okay.

"Anytime, honestly," She laughed softly as she watched Judith. "She's a pleasure to take care of."

Rick gave a small, yet genuine, smile at the sound of Beth's laugh. Time was she'd have uttered no such thing, at the farm, straight after the farm... all the losses she'd felt. He was glad she was now able to laugh again, it warmed something deep in his chest he'd not have thought would be warmed again.

He get out before he got too deep, drawn in by her soft laugh and the way she smiled up at him, practically glowing with her fair hair and fair skin.

Rick nodded in one last thanks and farewell before stepping back out the cell with Judith. He beat a retreat back to his own cell, trying not to think too much about how Beth had slept in there the previous night. Instead, he busied himself measuring the size of the baby clothes he'd found in an empty nursery against his daughter. He could never have enough, after all, with her growing as she was.

It seemed like only seconds after Rick stepped out of her cell Beth was breathing a shaky, heavy sigh. There was a tension there she hadn't picked up on before, and she wasn't sure what it was. She brought a hand up to rub at her silver chain necklace. Her heart thumped hard in her chest.

She took a few moments to bring herself down, unsure why she felt so shaken up. A strange sense of relief came over her. Rick and Daryl were back safe. It was another successful run. Yet her mind kept throwing itself back to how grateful she was that Rick has come back. She was grateful to know anyone was safe, but the idea of losing Rick seemed to shake her to the core. Beth tried to remind herself it was because of Judith and Carl. No child deserved to lose both their parents. She had already lived through the pain of losing her mother and Patricia.

Once she was calm, she reminded herself of the things she needed to do for the day. Beth turned in the small space of her cell and took her sewing kit out of the small cabinet. She needed to do something to keep herself busy, and the first thing that came to mind was fixing the trousers Rick had brought back.

Sitting down on the bed, Beth picked up the first pair and unfolded them in her lap. She only just caught sight of something falling from them, hitting the floor with a soft clattering noise. It took her a minute to realise what it was -- nail polish. She hesitated before picking it up, a soft smile coming to her face as she remembered her conversation with Rick.

Judith fell asleep part way through Rick's clothing sort, chubby fist coming up to her mouth whilst she snuffled quietly. Rick stilled, watching her small chest rise and fall.

He didn't know what he was doing.

With Beth he was... he didn't know what he was. In the old world this wouldn't be right. In the old world it would have been his job just a few months ago to chase guys like him away from girls like Beth. In the old world Beth was closer to Carl's age than his own...

But this wasn't the old world. Carl wasn't a child anymore, he was a man. Same as Beth wasn't just a girl.

But even if he thought that, even if he saw it that way, how would Beth? He tried to imagine how she would see him. Grey hair threading through his beard and at his temples more and more lately with the stress. Two children. Crows feet at his eyes. Once married. Lecherous old man.

She was so very light, she'd come through things stronger and Rick had... well, Rick had come through. That was about it. Beth practically glowed and in comparison there was rarely a time when Rick didn't have blood crusted into the creases of his palms, didn't have dirt on his clothes or grease in his hair.

It was a ridiculous notion to entertain. But watching Judith breathe, thinking of how Beth always looked with her... he supposed it wouldn't hurt to entertain the notion for just a little.

Beth set the bottle of nail polish down beside her on the bed, close to her thigh as she returned to the trousers. The small present seemed to calm her further, reminding her not to stress herself out so much. There were greater things to worry about in the world right now, but the nail polish meant a lot to her. They had to savour the little things in life.

She'd taught herself the process of hemming trousers over their time at the prison. A few of her first attempts had left her father with lopsided pants, but she was improving. She'd learnt the trick was turning the clothing inside out before measuring a new hem. Once she got started, it was just a routine through the pairs Rick had brought back. She hummed softly to herself as she worked through the process of sewing.

Most of the people living in the prison used their free time to socialise or appreciate the fact they even had free time. Beth seemed to spend hers doing stuff for other people. She liked the smiles and thanks she got from people when they realised what she'd done for them.

She worked through two pairs before deciding to take a break. Her cell still filled with the sound of her humming and quietly singing to herself as she painted her nails. It had been a long time since she'd done something to pamper herself. It was barely a french manicure, but it was something.

Even in among the gentle bustle of the prison's occupants, their comings and goings through the cells, the steady getting on of tasks, Rick could pick Beth's voice out from anywhere. He couldn't hear enough for words, hell, if he wasn't so aware of her he'd probably not hear it at all, but the melodic undertone to the prison's going's on was soothing.

He gently lay Judith in her cot, making sure she couldn't get too over heated among the off colour, but clean, blankets around her. Picking up a small pile of his shirts he took them out into the communal area of their block. Judith was still within sight and hearing distance, but he could hear Beth's voice a little clearer.

He began the simple task of sorting through his shirts. Those that could be cleaned, those that could be mended, and those that were beyond hope. There were other things to be getting on with, more important things than his own clothing he was sure. But surely a few moments wouldn't harm anyone, his children were safe, Beth's voice was sweet, and he was surrounded by people who might not be alive if it weren't for him, might not have made it. Just a moment of grounding, then he'd get on.