Too Far Gone

In her free time, Beth had tidied her cell slightly. She never let it get messy, but in the rush of protecting Judith, things seemed to get knocked around. She slotted her knife back under her thin mattress. Back when they'd all moved into the prison, she'd started sleeping with it closer to her bed, just in case. It had made her uneasy to know that the previous prisoners were still around.

She was setting the mattress back down when she heard Rick speak. Part of her wasn't expecting him to come back and talk to her. Perhaps he was going to realise it wasn't right for them to be doing something like this. She was growing slightly more confident each time he spoke to her.

Her confidence felt slightly knocked when she saw him holding a cloth to his head.

"Yeah, I'm... Are you okay?" She asked quietly, standing so she could move over to him. Beth brought her hand up to rest over his, careful not to add any more pressure on the damp cloth. "Does it hurt?"

Rick wasn't coming to her cell to talk about his head, yet it still worried her. He was more than capable of taking care of himself and she knew it. It wasn't going to stop her from trying to take care of him. Sometimes he looked like he needed someone to just ask if he was okay. Beth was going to have to be careful not to bombard him with the question.

"Aches a little," Rick admitted under Beth's soft touch. "Mostly jus' trying to get the bruising down. Don't wanna scare Judith when she looks at my face."

The corner of his lips quirked into a small smile at her concern, it wasn't often people paused and took the time to ask. For the majority of them, unless they had someone special to check. Things happened too often and too fast nowadays for it all.

"Is now alright? I don't know... I don't- your dad," Rick admitted. Like a teen boy trying to avoid his first girlfriends father.

"Now's fine," She replied, stepping aside so Rick would step into the cell for a little more privacy.

Once he was inside, she untied the flimsy piece of string that held the fabric over the door back and pulled it across the cell. Anyone always knew that if someone had their makeshift coverings pulled over, they wanted privacy. At least this way they wouldn't get any nasty surprises if someone decided to wander past. It was just a talk, but it was still one they needed to have just between the two of them.

"My dad's with Dr. S," Beth offered as to comfort Rick's nerves. "He's been helping out with cuts and bruises..."

Beth couldn't blame him for being anxious about her father. There was no telling how he would react to their relationship.

Rick entered Beth's cell, the gentle swish of fabric over the cell door seemed loud. But he was pretty sure it was just him. He was more aware than usual who's space this was, as he glanced at the bottom bunk, before opting to lean against the cell wall. He'd slept in this room, sure, but it didn't feel the same. He didn't want to crowd Beth's space any more than necessary in case he made her uncomfortable.

"I'm just gonna say my piece, alrigh'? Then... then after, ball's in your court. Whatever you want to happen. I can leave or... or something. Whatever you want," Rick told her softly. The cloth in his hand had become warm and clammy with his body heat, he dropped it down and compulsively fiddled with it whilst he found his words.

"I like you, Beth," he started. "A lot. Probably more than I should for people in our... positions. But I don't care. I just, I just know how it can look though. I know I'm older than you, and I know I had... I had Lori. And I know it's sort of mad entertaining the idea but I want you to know what I feel... It isn't like that. I just, I'd take whatever you'd give me, Beth. If anything. But I'll back off if you don't. And I won't hold it against you, it'll be normal, I promise. I never want to make you feel uncomfortable."

Beth stood in silence as Rick spoke, respecting him enough to let him finish what he wanted to say. It was the second time Rick had told her that he liked her. It still sent a distinct flutter through her stomach. It had been a long time since someone told her that they liked her. When Jimmy had confessed his feelings to her back in high school, she hadn't had a reaction like this. She was flattered, and she liked him back. With Rick, it just felt different.

It took her a few moments to collect her thoughts after Rick had finished speaking. After Jimmy died at the farm, Beth honestly thought relationships wouldn't survive in their world. She'd wondered if it would be better to close herself off so she wouldn't get hurt again.

"I know I'm young," She spoke cautiously, trying to stop herself from putting a guard up. "The only boyfriend I've ever had was Jimmy, but everyone seems to think I was madly in love with him. My dad used to chase us around the farm, thinkin' we were sneakin' around to do stuff... I never felt about him the way I feel about you."

It was a bold statement. She had been sad when Jimmy died, but she never felt like she'd lost a great love. He had been brash and immature... She didn't think he would have survived in the prison.

"This isn't about giving you anything. I'm not entertaining you or sparing your feelings for me... Because I like you too. I want there to be something between us, Rick..."

"Something would be nice," Rick said, voice hoarse. He could barely believe his ears, but there it was. "At your pace. Whatever you're comfortable with..."

He reached out, bringing a hand to Beth's upper arm and trailing it down to cup her elbow. He stroked the soft skin of her forearm with his thumb, letting the cloth in his hand drop to the floor and taking half a step closer.

Rick furrowed his brow at a thought, causing him to falter.

"I don't... I'm not ashamed of you, I can deal with what people say if you want to tell them. But if you don't, I understand too."

The space in the prison cells wasn't very large, but with the curtain pulled across the front of her room and Rick taking a step closer, it never felt more intimate than it did right now. It was their little hideaway, just for a moment. A chance to be open with one another for just a moment.

That was the main question; would they tell anyone? Beth knew her father and mother had a considerable age difference, but it didn't mean he would be happy about his daughter being in a similar relationship... Maggie would just be fiercely protective, regardless of her friendship with Rick.

She raised her hand and gently brought it to rest on Rick's cheek. His beard felt coarse under her palm and she couldn't help but notice the grey and white mixed in across his face. She wasn't ashamed of their budding relationship even with their obvious differences.

"We need to find the right time," She suggested, the tips of her fingers running through his facial hair. "Once everyone feels secure again..."

Rick tilted his head into the gentle touch, so unused to it in this new world of theirs he could barely help himself.

"When everyone feels secure again," he echoed with a nod. "And whenever you're ready."

He sighed and bought his hand up to cover Beth's. He spent so much time chasing the next drama, going on to the next job, making sure everyone was safe. Even if the decisions didn't officially rest on his shoulders any more they still haunted him. It seemed automatic to most of the prison, and even their eyes felt heavy sometimes.

"So this is, this can be a thing?" He asked after a moment.

Beth nodded, glad that Rick understood her hesitancy to tell people straight away. The prison had just been thrown into brief chaos. People were going to be on edge. Everyone just needed some time to calm back down and regroup. In such a small community relationships changed the dynamics drastically. People would look at each other differently, trying to figure out why two people came together. There would be a lot of questions for Beth and Rick.

"Yes," She replied quietly. "This can be a thing..."

She brought her other hand up to rest on Rick's cheek, cupping his face in her soft hands. It took her a brief moment to gather up some confidence before she stepped up onto her tiptoes. She drew Rick in close to her and pressed her lips to his. It was the first time she had kissed him, the first time she had initiated a kiss between them.

Rick ducked down to meet Beth as she cupped his face in her palms, kissing her back as gently as he knew how.

His hands moved, coming to rest on her slim waist and he was almost shocked for a moment at how small and delicate she felt under his hands. But then, she was a petite girl, and they mostly got by on the bare minimum of food, even lately with the prison stocked as it was.

Rick's thumbs slowly stroked in the dip under her ribs as they kissed, the fabric of her vest crinkling in his grip.

It felt new, which in itself was odd to Rick. He'd spent so long married to Lori, kissing Lori, that he didn't think the same acts could feel new again. But they did.

Before the world started to go downhill Beth had always been a shy girl. It was only after the group turned up at her family farm that she learnt it wasn't possible to be timid anymore. Kissing Rick reminded her of how far she'd come since she was that girl. She'd been so flustered and embarrassed around Jimmy at first, like she didn't know what to do when he confessed his feelings for her. Everything just seemed to fall into place with Rick.

With his hands on her hips, it was hard for her to her to pull away. It was such a gentle but adoring kiss, one that she could see herself falling into forever. But it was also important for her that they took things slowly. Slow was something they didn't get enough of in the prison. She didn't want their emotions and affections to be a result of their environment. She just wanted a shot at a real relationship with Rick.

She pulled herself away from the kiss after a few indulging moment, yet she didn't step away. Beth gently rested her forehead against Rick's, careful of his injury, and closed her eyes. She wanted a few minutes of calm with him, in case they didn't have another opportunity alone again soon.

Rick stood with his head against Beth's, eyes closed as he took in the calm. There were noises outside the flap on the cell door, noises no doubt a few feet away, but right now they seemed to be goings on of a whole other world.

After a moment longer, Rick slid his hands from their position on Beth's hips, wrapping his arms around her waist and stepping into a close embrace. He rested his chin atop her head as he held her, just absorbing for a moment longer.

"I'll keep you safe," he promised her quietly, mind flicking through the fates of so many previous partners. Lori, Jimmy, Ed- although he deserved it in the end. Loss was felt so heavily all around, it was smothering, unavoidable. But Rick was going to do his best.

"Whatever happens, alright? I'll protect you."

He released her after that, stepping back and nodding towards the curtained cell door.

"We should... should be getting on now."

When Rick pulled her against him, Beth realised just how small she felt in comparison to him. She'd always been slender, but it felt like she could get lost against him. With his arms around her, she fully believed that he was going to keep her safe. The new world had so much uncertainty to it, and that was reason enough to just throw everything you had into one thing. You had to appreciate and care for what you could. The world may not be so accommodating to it, but she knew that he would take care of her with every fibre of his being.

She kept her eyes shut, her hands coming up to loosely hold the fabric at the back of Rick's shirt. He smelt like an odd mix of clean fabric and earth to her, a reminder of just how hard working he was in the prison.

Moments like this embrace had to be savoured, and she was well aware of that. It was why in that moment, she silently resolved that she would protect Rick too. Perhaps not in the same way he would keep her safe, but there were different ways she could do so.

As he pulled away, Beth drew in a deep breath and gave a slow nod.

"You know where I am if you need me."

Rick nodded with a soft smile.

"I'll try and find you later," he told her as he moved around her, approaching the cell door. "See if... if we can grab a couple of minutes or somethin'."

His hand fumbled for the curtain, eye's still on Beth as she stood there in the middle of her cell. So bright and good and now his. Or at least, his to hold and kiss and love. Beth was very much her own person, and it pained him that some of the others in the prison couldn't see what she was capable of. Just put her down as a meek babysitter when she was anything but.

He had to look away for a moment, actually set his eyes on his task as his hand got lost in swathes of fabric. He finally found the edge, and couldn't help himself from taking another look back at her. Rick smiled again. There was just something about her presence that made the gritty greyness and doubt outside her cell that much more bearable.

At last Rick drew himself away. There were things to get on with, there were always things to get on with, and he pulled the curtain to and strode from Beth's cell. No use glancing round for witnesses, skulking out like he'd done something wrong. He'd learnt it from his time in the sheriff's department, just walk like you've every right to be doing what you're doing and no one will question it.

He made his way from the cell block outside, joining his children as the sky deepened in it's pinks and oranges and late afternoon turned to evening.

Little minutes here and there seemed to be all Beth could grab with Rick. It crossed her mind once or twice how much easier it would be for them if they just told people, but when she had Rick's arms around her, she couldn't think of anything but him. No one else needed to know, so long as they were happy. If his hand lingering on her arm when he took Judith from her, or quick kisses in the morning were all she could get, then it was good enough for her.

The only thing she'd regret was not telling him sooner. Feelings bloomed quickly for her, but she'd always kept it to herself. It just never seemed to be the right time, and it weighed down on her when the prison was attacked. There was every possibility that Rick would never know.

When her hand slipped into his at the prison fence, she didn't know who she was trying to comfort. Seeing her father down on his knees at The Governor's hand was an image that scarred her. For the days afterwards, when she closed her eyes, it was all she could see. Seeing him so close and being unable to save him. Guilt pulled her down as she fled the prisoner with Daryl and it had stuck with her the entire time they had been running. She always seemed to be running. Even when she stuck in the fight, trying to defend the prison, she felt useless. She couldn't get to her father, and she couldn't get to Rick. She'd watched The Governor rip both men away from her.

Beth came clean to Daryl in the funeral parlour. He was the first one she told about her relationship. He didn't seem surprised, or even shocked at the revelation. Without saying anything, Daryl managed to let Beth know that he knew.

The first time she woke without hearing Rick's scream or seeing the swing of the katana was in a hospital bed, with little recollection of how she got there. With the light pouring in the room, her first instinct was to look around for Rick, in hopes that he would have somehow found her after all this time.

Rick can barely remember leaving the prison. The ringing in his ears drowns out even the rapid beat of gunfire as everything goes crashing down, goes up in flames, just goes. He finds Carl, but no Judith, and together the struggle for safety. The anger burns bright in his son's eyes but Rick barely has the energy to put one foot in front of the other, let alone try to comfort Carl.

They find shelter, somewhere safe enough to pass a couple of nights in, and Rick is down. He doesn't know how long he's out for, can barely remember a moment of lucidity. His face hurts, his ribs hurt, his head is pounding with a concussion and the healing embrace of sleep and loss of consciousness is a welcome reprieve from the pain.

It's only when he comes to that he can truly take stock of what has happened and what they've lost. He has Carl, and for that he supposes he should be grateful. But it's hard to be grateful when he sees Judith's blood stained car seat whenever he closes his eyes. When their company used to be so much more. When he's missing Daryl, Glenn... Beth. He can barely think of Beth. Even when Michonne arrives, when she lifts Carl's spirits, Rick dares not think too deep about Beth.

She got out, she must have. But beyond that...

Daryl saves them on the road. Save him, saves Michonne, saves Carl from- that's another thing Rick doesn't want to think about. It isn't until the sun rises that he and Daryl can talk, and he says he was with Beth.

Ricks hear simultaneously soars and sinks at those words and the implications. Beth got out, Beth was alive, Beth was with Daryl... was.

"We got out together," Daryl says, "I was with her a while."

There's a pause. Rick barely dares breath but Daryl says no more. Rick wonders if he knows.

"Is she dead?" Rick grits out eventually. Daryl gives him a look, and Rick just knows that he knows. He can see the pity and guilt and sorrow in Daryl's eyes and needs to know what the hell happened.

"She's just gone."

Just gone.

Daryl says no more, his gaze wavers from Rick's face to over his shoulder and Rick sits and stares for several long minutes. He can't think. He can't form words. He wants to throw himself at Daryl, to shout and scream and shake the man next to him. How could he have lost her? How could she be gone? How could he-

Rick moves jerkily, and he's not entirely sure what he's going to do. The anger is bubbling but so is the despair and his energy disappears before he can even complete the movement. He ends up slumped against Daryl's shoulder, sobs racking his form as liquid he can't afford to lose spilling fast and free into the rough sleeve of Daryl's shirt.

They don't speak of her again.

They follow the road to Terminus and find no shelter there. Only old friends, new friends, and more death. Beth isn't there.

They get out of Terminus. They find Carol, Tyreese, they find Judith. Beth isn't there.

Life at Grady Memorial is brutal. From the moment she woke up, Beth knew things weren't what they seemed. The first person she spoke to, Dawn, lied to her. Told her they'd found her unconscious on the side of the road, surrounded by 'rotters'. It didn't add up to her. She remembered running, weighed down by the guilt of leaving Daryl behind. She asked them about him, if he was with her, and they didn't say anything. She didn't know how she broke her wrist, or why she had needed stitches. No one seemed in a rush to tell her, either. Over time, she lost count of how many times Dawn's hand re-opened her stitches, and how many times someone closed them up again.

Beth was truly thrown into the deep end at the hospital, assigned as a nurse. What little medical knowledge she had learned from her father came in handy, but she still needed direction. There wasn't much she could do without Dr. Edwards instructing her. It was the first time she'd ever seen someone's life support turned off -- The first time she'd ever seen bodies used as walker feed.

Her first few nights she spent in her room, the one she had woken up in on the first day, willing herself not to break down. She would think about what Daryl had said to her, about the people she'd never see again; how she'd never see Rick again. She'd never see Judith, or Carl, Maggie, Glenn... Her family. It was the second time she'd had family torn away from her. She wasn't sure how much longer she could keep herself together. Beth found a friend in Noah, but she still couldn't bring herself to tell him why she spent her time at night crying.

She thought she could trust Dr. Edwards, stupidly. Until he lied to her, forced her hand in someone's death -- a man called Gavin. He lied to her about what drugs she needed to use, and she had killed him. It was the first time she had killed someone. Someone who wasn't a walker.

After that, the body count kept racking up in the hospital. Gorman was next after she found out what he had done to Joan, when she realised what he was going to do to her as well. She had no choice. it's what she kept telling herself. The next to go was Officer O'Donnell after Noah escaped. After O'Donnell attacked Dawn. She'd had been protecting Beth after O'Donnell labelled her a 'cop killer'. It was a label that pushed at her, threatening to tear her down again. She had left Rick behind, left him to die at the prison. She could have done more, and she didn't. She just left him there. Dawn had protected her, and all Beth wanted was to see her dead.

When Carol was brought into the hospital, it seemed like the small glimmer of hope Beth had been searching for. Maybe they were out there still, maybe they were looking for her. Maybe Rick was looking for her too.

Bob dies, Daryl and Carol run off, Glenn and Maggie leave with mankind's only hope.

They're stretched thing and Rick feels it. Every time he turns to someone who's not there, he feels it. Dead or missing, they settle in the church and without the need to run from shelter to shelter the holes in their group grow more apparent. It's easy to forget sometimes. Forget that Hershel isn't dead, forget that Daryl isn't over his shoulder.

But he doesn't forget Beth. She niggles at the back of his mind constantly. He can't forget her, he's not sure if he wants to, but the doubt is painful. Not knowing seems to physically ache at times, deep in his chest, making it tight- hard to breathe.

When Daryl comes back Carol isn't with him. Instead there's a boy named Noah and news on Beth.

Beth's alive and Rick feels like he can breathe again.

The plan is pulled together quickly. Noah as bait and officers as hostages. They spend a long day and night picking at all the information the boy can give them and it feels like Rick has something solid at last, something to hold on to.

He walks towards their raised guns with his hands in the air. He puts his weapon on the ground and trusts the people as his back. He goes through the motions but his thoughts are elsewhere. Calculating distance, calculating how close he is to Beth, how many more motions of the plan, how many more steps.

They walk through the hospital. Rick never thought he'd see halls so clean again, it even smells clinical.

One more set of doors and they're there. Behind a row of police officers, pushing Carol in a wheelchair, Rick finally sets his eyes on Beth. Her blonde hair and pale face make the injuries stand out stark and red against her skin.

He's seen her injured, scrapes and bruises, the normal things. But not like this. His hands fold into fists and he can feel Daryl take a step closer. He has to stay calm, he has to see this through. Get her back amongst them before he can find out what the fuck has been happening to her and who it is that needs to pay.

After O'Donnell dies, Beth feels like she's checked out. For the first time since the barn incident, she feels like she can't bring herself to care anymore. Dawn seems to give her a pass, letting her stay in her room for a while. Dr. Edwards doesn't ask anything of her anymore. She sits on the edge of her bed, numb. She slowly starts to accept that maybe this is it. Maybe no one is coming for her. No one was going to know she was trapped in the hospital. Carol was going to wake up to the same fate, told that she owed them all something for keeping her alive. She didn't want to accept that this could be her new 'home'. Nothing about it felt like a home. It was a job.

Carol wakes up, but only just. That's when Dawn tells Beth that she needs to take off her scrubs and put her old clothes back on. That's all she's told. She does so without protesting. Even though Dawn's been kinder recently, she still slips the pair of scissors she's hidden down her cast. The lack of thoughts behind the action scares her. She's prepared to try and take Dawn out without a second thought.

She follows Dawn's orders, helping Carol into a wheelchair under Dr. Edward's instruction and following him out into the corridor. Even he won't tell her what they're doing. They simply stand at the back of a group of officers, silent. Beth flinches when Carol reaches back to hold her hand on her shoulder.

It feels like forever until the door at the other end of the corridor opens. The first four people she sees are officers. The first two cross the space to join them as Beth is signalled to move forward. The other two are held back, and it's only then she realises who's behind them all.

The sight of Rick is almost enough to send her into a flood of tears. She began shaking, gripping harder at the handles of the wheelchair. He looked so tired. She couldn't even imagine what he's been through, what he's had to do to survive. It was a relief to see him alive. She was so fixed on him that she barely registered the officer maneuvering Carol away from her. She just wanted to follow. She wanted to run across the corridor and be back with her family.

She could see it in Rick's face, just how important it was for the both of them to stay calm.

When Dawn finally took hold of her arm and walked her down the corridor, it took a lot for her to keep herself together. When she finally met Rick in the middle all she wanted to do was throw her arms around him and sob. She had spent so long thinking she was truly alone, without him or anyone else. She wanted to tell him she was okay, that everything was okay. He seemed to do all that for her when he put his hand on the back of her neck and kissed her forehead. It was a reminder that they were so close to everything they wanted.

Beth wanted more. She had wanted more when she sank the scissors into Dawn's shoulder, holding to hit something more than just flesh. It was her own undoing.

It took her senses a moment to catch up, to register the sound of Dawn's gun firing, the smell of smoke, and the pain slowly searing through her shoulder. She was already on the floor when she finally realised what had just happened.

Rick flinches at the gun shot, brings his hand to his face as something warm showers down, and looks back with disbelief.

It takes him longer than it should to realise Beth's the one that's been shot, Beth's the one on the floor, and it's Beth's blood splattering his face, trickling down his neck. Rick's on the floor at her side when the next shot rings out, and Dawn goes down by Daryl's hand.

The metallic clanking behind him says that his people have their guns raised, that they're ready for a fight, but all he's focused on is Beth.

Her blood is pooling beneath her as Rick fumbles her into his arms, hauls her up against himself and presses a fistful of her cardigan against her wound. The blood is still pumping, warm and sticky over his hand, but that means her heart's still beating. It means she's still with him and he's going to hold on. Nothing is going to take her, not now he's finally found her again.

She's like a rag doll. He holds her close with one arm, body curving over hers to shield her from the other cops, their guns drawn. His own comes out, and the hand not on Beth's wound trembles but they're packed so tight it doesn't matter. Even if a shot goes wild he'll hit one of them.

"I will kill every last one of you," he states. His voice is steady where his gun is not, and it surprises him. "I will shoot you all where you stand right now if someone doesn't get some help."

Maybe it's the wild look in his eyes, the blood on his face and the blood on his hands. Or maybe it's because Shepard is different. But she issues the command for them to lower their weapons and they do, even with Rick's gun still wavering about. She issues the command for them to get a gurney and they do, even with Daryl's crossbow steady and Carol and Sasha and Tyreese ready to rain hell down upon them.

They disperse. Shepard and Licari stay and Rick drops his gun.

He wraps his arms fully aroun Beth, pulling her closer as when she starts to slip.

"Please," he mutters to her flickering eyelids. "Please."