^ claimed.
- Quote
- Found this via the comment swap thread. ^^
First things first, that is one disturbing banner! xD But I mean that as a compliment, I promise! I actually like how attention-grabbing it is, and how well it works with the story's title, too. It's clear already that this story will be captivating and probably a thriller. The rest of the layout is nice and all goes together well, too.
I enjoyed the summary; I think you really did a good job of capturing the attention of the readers without giving to much detail. And, of course, you draw in the title (and the banner!) once again, so that's always super awesome.
The opening of the story is very fascinating. At first I was wondering if the main character was the one firing the shots, but seeing her sitting still at her desk, so contrasting to the chaos around her... it's an interesting visual, and it certainly captured my attention and made me wonder about her.
You've got a few small errors here and there that I'm catching, but I don't think they're anything to worry about. Honestly, I probably only notice because I'm a teacher, so catching errors in others' works is kind of my job. I won't harass you with edits, though; I'll just say that you might want to watch your subject-verb agreements and your placing of descriptive phrases.
The interaction between Rupert and Charlie was very interesting, to say the least. I would have guessed that the story was going to open up with her not knowing this other person, but clearly that's not the case. I'm very curious to know hoe they met and how the subject of 'oh, you're a sociopath, too?' came up in conversation. xD
And, oh dear, I spoke too soon. That's a fascinating little twist, there at the end! I was most definitely not expecting her to just be using him and to let him kill himself while she played the helpless victim. This is deep, bro! Really deep. I'm digging this so far!
And then now I'm feeling awkward, because I'm actually sympathizing with Charlie and how she's handling the questions from Vanessa. I mean, I'd feel awkward, since I'm not a fan of the drinking, losing control, and making an arse out of myself thing, either... but then again, she's a sociopath, so clearly I shouldn't sympathize.
Still have to say, even though Rupert clearly isn't around anymore, I'm still very curious to know how they met and how he came to think he had found his other half. I mean, how does one introduce that kind of thing into a conversation? Really? Honey, I love you, and I need you to kill a few handfuls of people for me?
Also, I like the whole Tongue Twister thing; it obviously ties in with the title and the banner, and it's super awesome that you were able to connect everything so well.
Love the professor! I can't believe people would be terrible enough to make fun of a girl who was involved in a traumatic event like that. (And, yeah, she was in on it so she totally deserves it, but they don't know that!) I think the professor handled that beautifully, and he sounds pretty awesome.
And there's the Charlie we saw in the first chapter. Yeah, her reaction to Abbie was pretty entertaining. I mean, I feel bad for the girl because she's clearly just trying to make a friend and be nice, but I also kind of get how it could be irritating.
Okay, overall: this story is super interesting and I think you've got a fantastic foundation laid down that will be easy to build off of. The plot hasn't picked up much yet, but I can already tell it will be interesting, and I'm sure many more people will soon stumble upon this and get captivated by it. Interesting idea, and I like that you took on the point of view of someone who clearly wasn't the victim. ^^
Would anyone be so kind as to comment on
Spellbound by
the 1975? It's got three chapters, but they're short chapters, so it shouldn't be too difficult. Also! It's a Teen Wolf fan fic, but all you need to know is that Scott and Isaac are teenage werewolves, and that Isaac had a pretty rough childhood; with that knowledge, it can be read as original.