Awkward - Comments

This is basically, the best I've ever read on Mibba.

Well, I read up to chapter two, simply because it was freakishly long (in a freakishly good way), but still. Beautiful.

“In a tank-top like that,” Max sighed, “no girl is flat-chested. Remind me again why I haven’t fucked her yet?”

“Because she says ‘no’ every time you try?” Reese ducked away when Max threw the drumstick at him, and popped up again laughing even harder. “Fail, dude.”

Those lines just stood out to me as I read this chapter and made me giggle so hard! I love how even his bandmates know she’s turned him down many times before :tehe:

“Awesome,” he mumbled. “Now I don’t get to choke to death, and instead get to deal with all this shit. Yaaayyy…”

I love how sarcastic you made him out to be there (that and I can imagine Tré chocking to death on water which is kinda scaring me right now...)

“Writing a letter.” She answered, as though it should have been obvious to him.

“Aren’t you archaic, then?”

“It’s not archaic,” she said, frowning again. “It’s…personal. That, and my mom hates computers, so it’s not like she’ll check her e-mail just for me or anything.”

“Ever heard of a cell phone?”

“Don’t have one. Annoying things.”

I’m glad that you’ve not made it so her band are made of money meaning that they all could have the latest gadgets and all – it makes the story so much more real, so much more believable.

“Well, I mean, some girls…” He waved a hand dismissively and she laughed, much as he’d hoped she would. “Not…really, though, no. I mean, there’s the fans, but I’d never…not that I really get that anyway; I never did. But, uh…girls I’m touring with, however often that does or does not happen? No, that’s not a common occurrence.” He couldn’t help himself: “Dare I ask if it’s the same with you?”

“No, of course not,” she said, apparently offended by the very thought. “I’d never sleep with any of the girls I tour with.”

“Funny.”

I love how great her comments are! They’re bloody amazing! The way you’ve written them is great and really fits her personality that you’ve created for her :cute:

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Overall I loved this chapter. They way you wrote it was amazing and well, you both work together well as co-authors which is hard to find. When stories are co-authored usually there’s one good author and one not so good author but wit you two, it’s not like that – you’re both amazing writers. The chapters are of great lengths and they’re not monologues at all – co-written stories tend to have a lot of monologues in them but I must point out that this story isn’t like any other co-authored story I’ve ever read.

Okay, so the plot line is believable and the way you’ve written it is the way I can imagine it happening in real life. I love your morals about not being able to write about Tré’s kids in the story and I love how you include the other characters to this story...

I’ve enjoyed reading this update, I really, honestly can’t wait for more!

I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long to catch up with stories!
I’ve been back from Cornwall for two weeks tomorrow but I’ve just no had the energy to read any stories or I’ve been at work...
You’ll get a new comment for each update I’ve missed
Neat, eh?
I’m catching up now x

I was a bit confused by Chapter Three, so I re-read it a lot before comenting. I understand a bit now, I think. I do like Benny much more now actually. She's complex, but avoids the tragic, traumatised girl so many OCs turn into. Nice job on her.

I don't usually read fan-fiction about musicians,some most of them are pretty creepy, but I love this one. I like all the detail in it. It's believable which is probably why I like it so much. Good job!

Holy fuck! Wow... just wow. I know the other six pages may have been deleted...but this is really good. Like...insane. I don't read long chapters, at all, but I couldn't keep my eyes away from the screen, which is saying something. Well done.

After I read the wallet scene, by the vending machine, I laughed. Because... you described it so I can actually vision it in my head. We have Tre Cool, flustered next to a vending machine, peeking through someone else's wallet and snickering at Benny's full name.

I liked it.

And... when they're sitting on the wall, and the way you've described her, and Tre, and their relationship... it almost foreshadows what will happen in the future. Like, you've given us the way she thinks and reacts through Tre's perspective, and then further on in the chapter, you notice little things he says and it makes you think he wants her to change, even though he know she won't....because it's Benny.

She needn’t have worried, anyway. He found her, which really just confirmed the hypothesis that Benny’s mother had always told her; that when you stopped looking for something, then, and only then, would it appear to you.

^ I absolutely loved this paragraph. It shows that Benny told the truth when she said he wanted her. But I think it had more to do with Tre Cool - he was divorced twice, as is mentioned, and he sisn't want a relationship for a while. So just when he stops looking for a woman, she turns up. So... what does he choose? Does he go with Benny and try to settle down with her? Or does he leave her to go on with his original plans?

God, I hope this made sense. It probably didn't, but oh well. Sorry.

i'm loving tre.

what i'd love to know is why lucy and benny room together if they get along so poorly.

“Lucille…” Benny dropped her jacket into her duffel bag, and then stepped on it so as to stuff it in better. “Do me a favor and shut up, already.”

“So who’d you sleep with, then?”

I laughed so hard when I read that. I don't know why, though.

Starfucker? Wow...

“She’s a starfucker! She fucked the Green Day guy!” That also made me laugh really hard. My cousin read it, and she said "It was one of those 'Omg, li3k, she did not just say dat. now i gotta go kik her ass' deals."

So, really, I must say that it was nicely done.

I can't wait to read the next update.

i love this story <3
haha, it cracks me up.

I read very little Green Day fanfiction, but you and Audrey_T are definitely writing pretty well. I like :]

The writing is deep and meaningful; not like the bulk of fanfiction, which is hurried and is not given enough attention. Good control over story and words.

Oh my God, it sounds exactly like Tre.
You guys are seriously freaking brilliant. xD

Awesome story so far I can't wait for more.

I really like Tre's thought process, the detail you went through as he woke up, it was very funny. I still don't love Benny, I'm just waiting on her to become a little more real to me. Right now I'm sad that Tre's becoming a more and more vivid character, yet Benny's sort of hovering around, waiting for...what? Guess I'll find out as the story progresses. I quite like Lucille, as lnog as she doesn't just turn out to be a nasty person. I'd like to think there's more to her. Enjoyable though!

God.
My stomach sank when I read this because it was all too vivid for my brain.
I loved it to death and much love to you,
Ryan <3

I love the descriptions throughout the story. I also like when Benny was thinking about what she wanted to do to Lucille.

I'm so loving Tre's characteristics. Despite apparently not knowing much about the guy, the two of you have his personality down pretty well. Yay!

I'm also loving Benny. Great female character- I can totally relate. I could feel her frustrations with Lucille, and I honestly kept wanting her to just knock her block off, but I'm glad she didn't. It makes her more real.

Great update. Love the story.

“The shades?” Tré asked, titling his head just a bit. “You look like the Blues Brothers. All you need are black tuxes and matching fedoras.”

“The Blues Brothers? We were going for federal agents,” Reese said gloomily, obviously downtrodden.

Those lines made me :lmfao so much!

“…I mean, I guess Tré Cool isn’t bad-looking, but jeez, talk about gold-digging. How old is he, anyway? I was so weirded out when I saw that he joined up with Pudding. I mean, like, they’re older, but he’s like…old.”

These lines made me want to giggle and tell her that's who she's hooked up with :tehe:

“Smooth, Lucy,” Sicily muttered. He didn’t bother to go after Benny. There was no use in it. There never was. “Can’t you leave her alone for five seconds, seriously?”

“She’s a starfucker! She fucked the Green Day guy!”

I'm sorry my comments aren't very detailed and helpful but I do love this story.
It's amazing and not chlicé at all in my eyes.
Keep up the good work ladies :cute:

Entertaining, it took me a while before I got to know all the names and keep them apart, attaching them to the fitting characters but in the end, I managed. Berry is cute, still reminds me of a more female Jackie Flores but cute. Tré is adorable and I couldn't help but igggle at the UV-light and sperm line because my mind just immediately went to Bones. For somet fucked up reason. Anyway, not that that really matters. This chapter was interesting to say at the least, loads of cursing, bitching and teasing, just the way I like it. Tré didn't say a lot though which saddens me because I know he would've said something stupid I'm sure. On second thought, maybe it's better he didn't say a lot eh?

Seeing that you don't seem to have enough comments *rolls eyes and giggles*, I thought I'd let you know that this is fxn amazing :)
Can't wait for an update.

I love this. I'm super glad to see a well-written Tre Cool story.

Her hair sounds pretty cool.