October 19th, 2007 at 04:23pm
Okay, I promised myself I'd comment everyone's intro. For the record, I'm terrible with comments.
So.
Aiden; Jenni, you definitely set the bar high with Aiden's intro. It belw me away and created so much more depth to him rather than the boy who just goes and gets drunk and parties all the time.
Someone turned off the lights on your fragile innocence, and you live in the darkness of your hormonal teenage mind. <--- One of my favourite lines, I can relate to it so well with some of my own emotions as a teenager. It described it perfectly.
I was born with a fear of metal hangers. <--- And this line was fucking amazing aswell. After reading your intro my expression was literally; :cheese: So much so I went a re-wrote Madie's intro.
Dan: Nikki, your intro made me fall in love with Dan. He's soooo adorable, he makes me go Awww[./i] You described him with so much enegry and a postive outlook on life, but then you also went in to talk about how he hates being known as "Frank's son"
From the eyes to the smile to the hair, it reminds everyone of my father. <--- This was my favourite line, it was such a simple way to explain Dan and again add to his thoughts on being like his father.
Cass: I don't think you should worry about Cass being to much like yourself Sruti. I like how you described her to be a writer, it suits her- and considering she writes lyrics like her mother, it shows some sort of skill passed through the genes, aswell as the singing.
I have already stated: this is entirely selfish. <--- I liked this line, it was as if she's completely comfortable with herself and can admit her faults. It add's character to her. I don't really know how to explain what I'm thinking...but Cass' intro pwned.
Jared: Amazing Isa. It confused the hell out of me, but it suited Jared. You said you wanted him to be confusing and myterious..and it worked. I lost where I was about three times trying to read this, but it wasn't a bad thing either.
I like how you constantly made him start over, it was like he didn't even know how to explain himself in some ways.
Quite an elaborate picture I have painted for you, do you not agree? Was that not what you wanted? Must I play a song I composed too? Would that help? <--- He seems like such a jerk here! But, I love it, honestly.
Isabelle; I couldn't help but feel that the fact her mother had died to be a little cliche, but you wrote it well. Talking about how she felt like she didn't fit in, like she didn't want to lead the life of a famous child.
He seems to have a different girlfriend each week, and when I finally get to like them, he gets a different one. <--- That was the line which stuck out the most for me. It was like she was trying to say that everytime she was beginning to settle and find a motherly figure, her father ruins it and finds a new girlfriend.
Adeliade: Okay, what I like about Adeliade's intro so much is that it introduces her to be very blunt. Like she's saying: "This is my life, my family- get the fuck over it." But you don't just leave it like that, you also talk about her insecurties and somewhat jealously towards her sister and the life she wants.
Story of my life.
Have fun? <--- Favourite line! Just because it was exactly what I meant by "This is my life- fuck off."
Shay: Dru, you really are a great writer and wrote first person so well. I couldn't help but think that this chapter was so contradictory to Adelaide's intro. Just how you stated that Adelaide had everything Shay wanted, but just in the chapter before we learnt Adelaide was somewhat jealous of Shay aswell. It was classic sibling rivalry.
I can't really pick a favourite line...just because it was so well written I loved it all.
and finally, Charlie: This blew me away! It was like- Wow. Not only was it a little different to the rest of our intros, but it made me absolutely adore Charlie because she's just so- downright cool. I thought it was good how you constantly reffered back to her Dad, in some ways it defined the relationship she has with him and how much impact it has on her life.
My friends see me like that – the resident party girl, the one to call when you’re feeling down or bored – I like it. I made them see me like that. But that’s not really me. I wish it were. <---- This was my favourite part. Just because she talked about how people saw her, but that was not how she saw herself. But she wished she could be the person people think she is or something.
I'm sorry I'm terrible at reviews guys! You can kick my ass later......
But all your chapters pwned so much, and it is such an honour to get to write with you all!
I loved it.
Nice work.
Cannot wait for your update. :]