Tell Me, What's Real? - Comments

I finally just got around to reading the last two chapters, and they were amazing. Words can't even described how amazing I think this story is. I can't believe this is over! Keep writing, because this truly was a phenomenal story in every way. <3

My sister walked in on me reading this story and wanted to know why I was bawling my eyes out. So I made her read it and about an hour later she turns to me tears streaming down her face.
I think it's safe to say that we both loved this story.
Or else we're both a bunch of wimps. Both are possible :-)

I don't think I have ever cried so much reading a story before D:
This was so amazing yet really sad.
Definitely going to check out your other stories <3

I really liked this story even though it was really sad... It freaking had me cryng at the end when she found out Jimmy was dead!! Anywys i loved it!! :)

that was such a cute but sad ending. it had me crying from the very first italics. i'll miss this story, but I loved it <3

Wow. For a minute I thought that this was one of the stories I neglected forever and decided not to read for the longest time.
[/sorries aboot that by the way]

Oh, and I apologize for this comment in advance because it is going to suck. [/BIG TIME]

[/fuck you.]

...Is it bad that I find Izzy (lawl, almost typed 'Iggy'. Oh, my habits make a fool of me.) is being kind of selfish? Like, she's always thinking aboot herself, and how she misses her sister, and how she wants to be with Jimmy, and -insert anything I may have forgotten here-. And I know that this probably didn't have every event in her life since her sister died, and she probably really cared aboot her family. But siriusly? I cannot even imagine what her mother went through.

[/sorries if it seems like I'm just taking a giant shit on the story/the characters. I'm getting used to analyzing characters and stuff from English and it's getting pretty hard to turn off. But I really do love the story, and Jizzy is my (Ashleigh's stories) OTP. Yeah, I have other OTPs. Mainly Romione and Reid/Prentiss. ...And perhaps Reid/maps because season six legitimizes the ship soooo much. Oh, and Shauna/mac and cheese is quite the couple as well. You should see them go at it. Lawl.]
[/...told you this comment would be shit]

But yeah. Aside from that, this was great. Too sad though.

Remember that time you commented on a story of mine and said that you'd put me on medication if I didn't write something happy for once? THE SAME GOES TO YOU, MY OLD WRINKLY FRIEND. PLZ TELL IGGY ABOOT THE HAPPY STORIES YOU HAVE.

[/that's what I thought.]

So yeah.
-thumbs up-

BYES!

Aww, I'm crying here.
That was so sad, she lost both her daughters and just all naww....</3
I can't believe this is the end of it. I mean, sure it's been over a year, but god, I loved this.
Still do.
You've made me cry so many times with this. It's amazing.
I love this, and you're such an amazing writer.

I loved this update! But oh gosh I almost cried, you are such a powerful writer. I'm so sad that this story is ending soon. <\3

So, I managed not to cry until this last chapter I read, and I was all out bawling.
I felt like Izzy and Leslie were real people, and Jimmy...
Ugh, it kills me every time when I read something like this now.
Because I've been a fan for so long, and been reading fan fics of them for just as long, I feel like I knew him personally, and it just makes it all the more real that he isn't here, and he's not coming back.

Oh shit. I'm crying. Are you happy now, Gramps? And one of my eyes was already irritated. And I already had two meltdowns today.
[/the world does not want me to be happy
[/it wants me to hurt]

That was amazing. Like, seriously. I cannot even describe it. I'm just... I'd say speechless, but it's such an overused word, and I've used the excuse too many times.
Perhaps I can blame this shitty comment on my eye...

...I thought this was the end? And suddenly there's an epilogue. God, Grampaa, get your stories straight. You is confuzzling Iggy. Stop it.

So... yeah.
[/nothing else to say]

*thumbs up*
BYES!

Ohmygod, I'm crying....
That was soo emotional, and god, they were so..crying and stuff which made me feel soo bad and everything! D:
I love this, I truly do. It's made me cry so many times. :)

i'm speechless. holy shit. that is NOT what i expected. HOW'D HE DIE?!

escuse me
i know you did not kill Jimmy.
I KNOW he did not die. -.- god damn you! >_< -sobs-

You know what's weird? I feel like I already read this. Maybe it's because of all the times we discussed story plots...?
[/I don't know, just a thought.]

[/the beginning's too good. Make is bad. Now.]
[/you're not allowed to be such a good writer. You should know this by now]

This was just too amazing. Iggy is speechless.

One thing, though.
I was brought out of my numbness when I felt her hand grasp around mine, his touch calloused and worn as she squeezed my hand tightly.
Should that say her touch calloused and... instead? Yes? No?

Oh, damn. Another.
The walk to his house was shorted than expected.
Shorter?
[/sorry for going all Grammar Nazi on you here. I don't even mean to do it.]

ZOMGWTF. Jimmy was dead?
BICH, I WiLl HUNnT yoU DOWn Nd Kill~~ U n uR sLEep

[/sorry. It had to be done.]

Well, there you go.
2/3. Woooo.
BYES!

OH MY GOD. I JUST CAME BACK TO THIS STORY TO SEE IF IT HAD BEEN UPDATED AND I SEE THIS D:

You are such an amazing writer and this is like, my favorite story ever. <3 :D

Chapter Ten
I guess in a way I was neglecting what was in front of me. I guess that I was neglecting what I had yet to go through, what I still had to deal with and everything around me. - Here, I think, is when Izzy starts making sense and acknowledges what's been going on.

her shin on my shoulder. - chin

I wanted him to too, to as well, might sound a little better.

I think here is another error as well, she doesn't want him to hug her, is that because of the fight they had and they've gone back to that slight awkwardness? Because she did seem fine in the previous chapters to hug him and confide in him and all that jazz.

This is just a question, you know how you seem to use parks as the destination of the pair, is that because you don't personally know the area, so you feel safer to use the park? I did that too in the first story I ever wrote. :) I just hoped there were parks everywhere. :)

Chapter Eleven
Is that true about his baby sister dying? (Just out of curiosity).

Chapter Twelve
Those first paragraphs, before the break to go back to the narration, is it all meant to be in present tense, or past tense?

escaping both my and Jimmy’s mouths - escaping from both mine and

I like how you've written that Izzy does what Jimmy did with his hand and heart on the first day they met. That was quite neat. :)

Chapter Thirteen
I feel like the mother is forgotten quite a bit in regards to Izzy feeling alone. I think it would be more realistic if the mother is involved more in the story line. Like when Leslie is around, Izzy yells out her name, and sometime's the mother is home - so it would make sense if she would make an appearance to see why Izzy was yelling. I think it would also make it more realistic if the mother was doubting Izzy's sanity possibly.

I allowed to silence to - the

Chapter Fourteen
was shorted than expected - shorter

I began to suspect that he was dead in chapter twelve I think. You did some decent subtle hints about it, they were definitely there to pick up. :) I think you made it possible to trick the reader was the fact that he said his heart was beating when they first met. :) But you definitely did lay out some things worth picking up and taking note that he was dead.

- -

I think you can write really well, you definitely write extremely well in first person. :) As you said in your comment, it's an old story, so I understand how things might not fit and somethings don't come off quite as right. But hey. It's a neat little story, and I like how it doesn't center around Avenged Sevenfold or any of the band things. It's just a dead kid helping out a lost soul kinda thing. It doesn't focus on his drumming or anything like that. :) It's a neat story.

I really like your summaries. :) They're so simple, yet they give off everything they need. :)

Chapter One
‘]"Crap, - is that meant to be there?

remember? 7th grade?" - seventh

pulled them covers down and - the. Also, that paragraph where they wake up in the morning, it might be a good idea to have a break or something like * to show it's a different day. Or say, I woke up the next morning or something along those lines, because it doesn't quite flow how from night to day quite that well.

looking at me feet - my

Casey whisper "She smiled whisper, "She

One thing I have a problem with in this chapter is that you say they're outcasts. You don't mention why though, so it just seems like it's one of those things you put in a chapter to help sympathize with characters. I don't really think you need to make them outcasts, or Izzy, because she doesn't seem like the kind of character who would be. Rather, just the quiet girl with the loud twin sister. :)

Chapter Two
who looked at it, - look

But then I would look at the faces of my - face

I forced my eyes opened - open

I like how you began this chapter, I thought it was very thoughtful. :)

Chapter Four
on my birthday every - our

when my dad - our or just say 'when dad.'

gaze to the floor - road/pavement...etc. Not floor. Floor is what you associate with something inside, they're still outside.

outside my house[/.i] - our, because she's still hanging on to Leslie, she still wants Leslie to be alive, so she wouldn't instantly start saying 'my,' when she still wants it to be 'ours.' Also, it would be hard to break the habit of always calling something 'ours,' as well.

Again in this chapter, you don't quite get that flow between changing scenarios from the mum, Leslie and Izzy to just Leslie and Izzy. While I was reading it, I was thinking, whoa, wait. What's the mum going to say if Izzy's talking to Leslie...and there's obviously no one in the room she can see? But it was a different time and scenario.

Chapter Five
as she had been after the popular girls at school attacked us. - I just can't really imagine this happening. Try as I might, you've given no reason in the past four chapters to hint as to why they're outcasts, and it just seems odd.

feeling safe a protected - and

and rang my fingers - just ran

Chapter Six
just remaining there - remained

just enjoying the - enjoyed

he sister yelled, - her

She was 17; - seventeen

Chapter Seven
eyes on the floor - again, it's not floor.

strength in my not - me

It's apparent that Izzy doesn't even need Leslie anymore, so Leslie could go. Or...Leslie didn't really need to be around once she knew her sister felt comfortable with Jimmy. After meeting him, it became apparent that Jimmy would be there for Izzy...so Leslie could kind of go. It just seems odd that if Izzy needs her so much, she's not showing it very well like she was the day after Leslie died. Everything seems far too calm and okayish.

Chapter Eight
of 35 weeks - thirty-five

Were they at peace with her death? Or was I simply the weak one, the only one unwilling to let go? - If they weren't at peace with her death/ or unwilling to let go, Leslie would have been visible to them as well. I also don't think you should have used the word, 'peace,' I don't think anyone would be at peace with someone's death, they would accept it at face value because it happened.

Why was Jimmy climbing through her window if he knew they were getting ready to come down and meet him? It doesn't quite make sense, and after reading the rest of the chapter, it seems like it's one way to get her angry at someone - to push someone else away. Instead, she should probably be yelling at Leslie to leave, make her feel alone instead of taunting her with her spirit or something.

I span around - spun

Chapter Nine
She was loved by everyone that met her, and her bright outlook on life made her impossible to hate. At only sixteen years of age,
1. She's seventeen, as has previously been mentioned in other chapters.
2. Impossible to hate? What about the girls who attacked her at the school, what about her being an outcast? I know it's a Priest talking, but you've used the word everyone rather than friends and family - otherwise then this would be believable.

I don't think the part you have about the Priest not knowing Leslie actually has any relevance to the scene. You've written it so that it's about Izzy...not Leslie. The Priest is talking about Leslie and Izzy is talking about herself. You mention her mother once in that same paragraph as well, but I don't think you should have, because Izzy hadn't even been around her mother at all that much throughout the days before the funeral and after the death.

to be ignoring that continuous drops of - the

Question: Was Jimmy actually living at the Dry Cleaners at the age of 17 or was that later?

(I'm going to finish reading this later, and finish commenting later.)

i seriously want to cry...

are you fucking kidding me. I just read this story in the last 30 minutes, and i loved it by the way, but how could you do this to me *invisible tear*

I lurved it♥

but aww no jimmy :-(

No Jimmy :(