The Illusion of Separation - Comments

Love the update! :-)

I love it, as always <3
I'm so hooked, honestly.
I can't wait to see this ending you have planned, even though it's probably tragic..
Wonderful, darling :)

I've been looking for a good story to read for a while. Everything that I've come across lately is the same as everything else out there and just really bad. But, I read this one and I am SO happy. I love the way you write and this story is really good so far! I can't wait for the next chapter!
-Kelsey :)

Oh my goodness, I just caught up on this story and it's breaking my heart. I read so many storys on here and the writing style and everything is also so ammature, but you really write like an author, its amazing to read. Keep up the good work! I love it!

I'm pretty sure I'm subscribed to this.
I need to make sure and start checking them lol.
This seriously is a great idea for a story, and its so well written<3
Amazing job:D

this is so late... but I finally had time to read.

wonderful update! That's so sad how he doesn't know he's dead, aww, I just want to hug him
right now! I really like this, it's different from everything else I've been reading. That was really
cute when he walked through the door, too bad his mom couldn't see him :( Keep updating
please! And please notify me of future updates, I'm subscribed to this, but I never check my
e-mail xD

sorry for not commenting earlier, i just started school :( but anyway, i loved it and i can't wait for the next chapter! this is one of my fav fics because you wrote it so well and i love christopher drew! 1

I really, really love this story. Chris is such an adorable person and you seem to capture him perfectly.

I agree with Ava, your cliffhangers are driving me up the wall and I can't wait to read more!
Keep up the amazing work :D
xoxo

I love you woman<3

But you've seriously got to do something about those cliffhangers of yours. xD They drive me insane woman. D:

I really love this story.<3 So much so that I wish I could leave this huge, page-sized comment with the words that describe how amazing this is perfectly. :) I'm afraid I'm not that articulate nor do I have the speech because you've left me speechless. ;)

Amazing.<3

I LOVE this story! Good Work! and PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE write more! :-D Thanks!

I wouldn't make generalisations about North and South because it's not like that everywhere. It depends on the people and not the area. I think it's a little weird to throw in the name of a television show like that too. Couldn't you just say there are male chefs out there and she had tried to show him several had their own cooking shows on television rather than pointing out a specific one? I just think if it doesn't help the story, or it's not a character's dialogue, then don't do it. It feels like an advertisement.

I guess he was pissed off that I was eating when Chris was, you know, dead and all

I know it's her narrating, but that seems like it doesn't fit with the rest of the narration. That's just too informal. Compared to something like this

but looking into those eyes again had reignited the earlier feeling that he wasn't gone

It's just out of place. It takes away from the seriousness of the tone that she's still coping with the idea that Chris is gone and now that she can see his ghost, while worrying about breaking it to Chris that he's dead. All the characters this chapter are coping in their own ways and being so casual about it after setting it up to be serious doesn't work in my opinion.

It was too hard for me to give up meat, something I was used to having for dinner since my dad didn't cook, and it was easy to just pop in the toaster and cook for forty-five minutes.

Wait, you put meat in the toaster? Since when? I think this sentence needs rewording since I'm still reading it as putting meat in the toaster and the toaster taking forty-five minutes to cook something. That's one extremely slow toaster. I can make chili faster than that.

Sad ending. Poor Christofer. I mean maybe it means more to me that he's sad his mom can't see him because of his relationship with his mother in real life. That's what made the chapter heartbreaking. When Chris walks through the door and his mom can't even see him. I figured that's why he was crying, but maybe if you put that in the narration. A little bit of an explanation of how much he loves his mother so it makes the hurt at the end that much more painful to the readers.

Amazing :)
Honestly, I love this story so much.
I feel so bad for Chris and Hannah :\
But, amazing, and I can't wait to read more :)

I really had no idea who Christofer Drew was until I read this. I asked my friend, and she said, "Some random emo guy? Oh, kidding. A musician." And I searched up pictures, and I have an idea of what he is now. Yay, I learned something new... Ahem.

Your descriptions are good. It's not the greatest writing in the world, but it's certainly good. It felt...honest. I'm not lying. If I just thought about it randomly, I'd say...honest. Yeah. Heheh.

I like your character, Carter. He seems like the more mature and ready person that will be there if you ever fall, and then help you rise back again. I bet he is, but I didn't really get to see that part of him -if any- since he was all torn up about Chris's death. However, I think maybe you could work on Hannah's sadness over his death a little more.

I was spooked. When I read Chris was speaking to her, yet he's dead... He's dead... Dead. A GHOST? Whoa. X3 That's super nice.

>.> I like ghosts. Just sayin'. The ghosts in stories are exceptionally interesting... I think. Might just be my weird tastes.

Anyway, I enjoyed reading this story, I really did. At first I was like, "Goddess, this is going to be a pain... Let it stop already." But then you got to the good part, and I was like..."Damn." X3 That's a good 'damn,' by the way.

In any case, one story read. One to go.

With an honest opinion,
Luna.

I'm glad you changed the summary. I think it works better, albeit a little vague. I would have liked to see some mention of Chris, but it's a lot better. Good job.

I like that you're dealing the family and how they're reacting. How his siblings will react when they find out and what's going on at home now that he's not there anymore.

I also find it interesting that she acknowledges she doesn't accept that he's dead. That's kind of interesting. Like Carter definitely seems to get Chris is dead and on the other side of the spectrum when we hear that Hannah doesn't accept it, we expect her to just believe he's still around, but she knows he's not. It's less that she doesn't accept he's dead and more that she just doesn't want to. She knows, but just wishes it wasn't true.

So she can feel him? Like he's almost physical to her when he appears? But Carter can't feel him when Chris touches him, right?

Dave still lives in Joplin. Don't know what he does, Hannah graduated this May, and if her name is Sarah (have no idea) she's the one still in high school that he went to see. Just so you know ;) And yeah, I'd listen to Stella. Heard she's pretty smart.

Amazing <3
I was so excited when I saw that this was updated.
I feel so bad for her :\
I can't wait to read more :)

i've only read up to the third chapter but i love it so far and i'm going to subscribe ;) i think christopher drew is adorable so that's a bonus!

I'll be totally honest.
NO IDEA AT ALL who Christopher Drew is.
No idea.

The picture at the top, I'm assuming that's him, he's cute, love the tattoo? Chains? He's got around his wrists/hands. Sorry I can't tell what they are.

Loved the description, everything you said there is true. As you grow older you do expect to succumb to some illness, and you always are expecting (I don't think that's the right word) older people to get sicker and eventually for them to pass away, but you don't expect a teenage to pass away, even with a terminal illness.

I only read the first chapter, I liked the story but I'm not going to subscribe, I don't think I'd enjoy it.

The way you started it out was awesome, I liked how you stated something and then went into the history of why and how you could back it up.

I thought it was kind of dragged out though, at least that's what I thought about the first chapter, I mean I liked it but it almost seemed like it was dragged out a little bit.

The ending of it though I thought was wonderful and I hope you do continue this for your readers =)

layout/summary
The layout is gorgeous! I like the banner and the

background, and it's easy to read.

The summary is very good, it's not horrible! It

doesn't give too much away, but is to the point. Also,

it's the kind of summary that pulls in readers. It

interests me how the body belongs to Chris, because no

one (at least from what I read) ever usually kills off

the love interest.

Chapter One:
I like the detail and effort you put into your

writing. I really like how you included her family

background, which explains things about her. I

couldn't put up with it if my dad was like that. I'd

probably shoot myself haha. But even though she

doesn't agree, she has that unconditional love

mentality (from what I'm getting).

Her character isn't cliche and I actually really like

her. I'm not sure what it is, but it's there. This was

not a weak first chapter, this was good! Actually, one

of the best first chapters, because even though it

wasn't long, the pace wasn't too fast or overwhelming

or too slow.

Chapter Two:
d'aww, they are so cute together!

I have to admit, at first it kind of scared me that

I could be that close to him, but as time went on it

became apparent that there wasn't any other way for us

to co-exist without eventually crossing our paths, and

when we did cross, we found that we'd rather stay

bound to each other than just let each other go.

--> that was just so cute! My favorite sentence so

far.

I like how you show their intamicy without too much

detail into it. This chapter showed a bit more depth

in his character and their relationship. Another peice

of the puzzle :)

I laid there for what seemed like entire hours,

just breathing him in with a loopy smile on my face.

Maybe it was young love. --> Just a minor typo, I

think but this sentence doesn't really sit right with

me, but I think it should be something like, "I laid

there for what seemed like four (or any other number)

entire hours..." or maybe, "I laid there for what

seemed like forever...."

"You'll find out soon enough," he said, then got up

and went to his room. --> oh god that sentence

made me go like, "who, who, who??"

This chapter was intense for me, and I was like, "no

no no, not yet!" I really like how Hannah didn't

believe it, and thought it was a horrible prank from

her dad. The last few paragraphs were really

emototional.

Chapter four:
One of the things I like about your writing is how you portray the characters and their emotions, which makes it believable and realistic.

I could understand why she didn't want to refer to him in past tense, because I wouldn't want to either, because there's still that shock and disbelief.

I wonder why she's hearing things, is it just because she's still in her state of shock, or because of something else? This really excited me, is it something paranormal?

Overall, I really like this story, I'm subscribing, and I hope you update soon :)

I love this so much so far.
You're a very talented writer, and I honestly can't wait to read more :)
*subscribes*