The False Vampire - Comments

Okay, this is just perfect, really! I love that you took this whole new take on vampires, and the way Adrienne has all of these different weird symptoms. This is perfectly written, and I love how you have varying sentence structures throughout the story, and you seem to have a very good grasp on when and when not to use describing words. I also really love how overbearing her mom is by not letting her walk around the mall alone Most stories don't involve the parents at all, and if they do the parents are really flat and boring. I like that her mom actually had a personality and everything. Great story so far!

I was brought here because of comment swap and I am so sorry but I can not stand vampires. It's just a personal prefrence really. If I could I would filter out all stories involing vampires but I can't. So unfortantly If I read this I will hate it and if I don't I'll post this. So I'm just going to post this. I'll read a diffrent story though from you.

I was brought here via comment swap!

Okay from the first time I read the title, I was completely interested. As I read on...oh my God, woman! I am in love with your story, the writing, and the main character. I feel so bad for her, but this story, I don't know, it's like nothing I've read before. Great job!

Don't stop writing, you're pretty good at it ;]

Hello~ I've been directed here from comment swap and I'm in the process of going through a few chapters. It's not really my type of story, but I'm actually already up to the seventh chapter. :] I'm very curious to see what happens now that she's attending high school. I think your writing is good, there weren't many errors at all. I'll keep reading, so you should keep writing, alright? :D

I really enjoyed this! I like the way she refers to herself as a vampire, but does not yet know what she truly is. I love the layout. It's so pretty! You have a very nice way of organizing your thoughts. Only a few grammatical errors, but overal; amazing c:

Okay I am only a couple chapters in because its the middle of the night but I have to say that I truly love this...I enjoy the fact that she is not a vampire but she seems so much like one. I can relate to it because I have iron deficiency anemia and I have to take iron pills and other stuff plus I'm sensitive to sunlight but anyway...I love your detailing and your flow, just exquisite...I promise to comment when I'm finished

Hello there. :) The title of your story is interesting and it made me check your story out. I love vampires to bits so here I am. The characters are well brought up and your descriptions are interesting too. You have a few writing mistakes here and there but nothing to major. You've made this kind of unique in a strange but good way. Keep it up. XD

wow this is really good. it's not a unique concept, but the way you've written it is really original, like the way you've twisted the idea. and i think that is wonderful, making something widely available completely different.

i love the writing too, it flows really well from her perspective, and even when not a lot is happening it's still interesting to read. <3

I like the way you weave in the descriptions through the chapters, and you've fleshed out your character really well. One critism I have is that the speech is a little formal at times, but it's an enjoyable read.
On a quick grammar note, you need to put commas/full stops at the end of dialog instead of leaving the line blank. eg “Absolutely not. You should know better than that” That should have a full stop at the end.

This is such an interesting story! I love the concept!! This is far far far better than usual vampire stories. I LOVE it how you create an unique illness out of vampire concept, as if it's for real. The story reminds me of a film Midnight Sun, the girl has a rare disease involving sun, if she met the sun, she could die, but your idea is much better because it's similar with vampire!

Come on, update soon! :D

Whoa I'm rather shocked, this really wasn't what I was expecting. Normally when I get something for comment swap i don't read past the first few chapters, but your story has me hooked.

I love the plot and the character. I've never read anything like it. There are a few spelling and grammar mistakes, but nothing major. I'm really enjoying this, congratulations :D

This was definetly a far cry from normal vampire folklore. It was refreshing and added an interesting twist. I was hooked from beginning to end. An interesting concept no doubt. The charaters are relatable and all to real despite their obvious diffrences, and the story line and plot have obviously been well thought out. Ill definetly be subscribing.

Definitely a different version of the normal vampire stories we normally see on Mibba and other writing sites. It's a very clever concept and though I don't have the time right now to read every single chapter, I will probably come back to this when I have the time to read the rest. I think in the summary you have 'the' instead of 'she' so maybe when you've time, you can fix that and it will make the summary flawless. I enjoyed the summary and the first chapter and I will be coming back

~brought here by comment swap~

I usually-- always-- never read vampire books, or anything related to them, but this is interesting. I think you may have wanted to come up with a fake disease name, so it seems more realistic.
i like the character--- she is unique and not boring like many characters on mibba, where they make the MC a bit.... untasteful. i like her :)
just a few grammar mistakes here and there, so you may want to give that a once over, and you should be good to go:)
keep writing :)

An interesting concept. The summary really sparks interest with the reader seeing as it's different than your "typical vampire" story. Your character, Adrienne, is surprisingly relate-able even given her difference to most people. You describe her surroundings to fit things to the plot/story line very well. And speaking of the plot, I absolutely love it. Like I said before it's not your normal vampire story and I love that. It's unique, original, and really I've never seen another like it. Great job! This is a fantastic story and an enjoyable read.

Grammar and Style - In the summary, in the line: "Due to her skin being so sensitive, the lives at night," I think you meant 'she lives at night'. I noticed a couple of places you missed commas, but that's about it!

Setting - You do a good job presenting the setting to the audience and an excellent job describing it. It isn't really unique, but it is very detailed and fits the story well.

Characters - I love your main character. She actually has life and a personality, which is something you don't often see on Mibba!

Plot - I absolutely love this plot. It is so new and refreshing, and yet it still seems believable. I haven't read anything like this before!

This is a very unique story. I don't know that I've ever read anything like this. It manages to take the vampire craze and do something unique with it! I have a couple problems with your writing; you have a lot of fragments and run-on sentences, and there's a lack of transition to anything. She'll be in one place, and then suddenly in another with no real explanation of how she got there, or even an indication that she was walking. Fragments and run-ons are easier to fix; just make sure each sentence expresses a complete thought. Keep it up!

I enjoy the story very much. Vampires are my favorite myth and your idea on a vampire is very interesting; I do agree that the summary was very interesting an it caught my eye but there are errors; I would definitely like to see you update this more and I will definitely subscribe to your story

I enjoy the story very much. Vampires are my favorite myth and your idea on a vampire is very interesting; I do agree that the summary was very interesting an it caught my eye but there are errors

I really like this story. Like the previous comment below, this is not like any other vampire story, and it really sparked my interest in just the summary. There was some typos and errors but nothing to big. I've subscribed, so update soon! Please! :)