Life Starts Now - Comments

@ Bethany2551312
Thank you for your input. At the time of my writing this story I had many messages from readers who wanted stories written this way...to have everything in their face. I had adjusted my writing to reflect this. I appreciate your feedback though. Hope it doesnt take from your reading experience too much

Dear Kristin, the best thing about this chapter is that you have created all the characters very well, and have described them in a fine and pleasant way. When I started I really enjoyed reading it. Albeit what really puts off a reader's mind, is that you decided to explain and introduce all the characters first. A reader finds it overwhelming to engage himself or herself with so many characters at the same time.
However, a better way to engage your readers with your characters, is to introduce them one by one, give them time to understand the characters one by one and make them fall in love with them individually.
Like here in this chapter, you can first introduce the main character briefly, a good and non-boring way of doing which, is to make small stories and incidents about her past. Instead of telling the readers that your character likes to be alone, acquaint them to an incident of last Christmas where he or she chose to stay at home, watching A BAD MOMS' CHRISTMAS with chinese food, instead of going out into a big family or friends' gathering. That literally brings your character to life, and the readers can then relate themselves to your characters or at least can wish to be like them.
And then if you really want to introduce more characters, then try just one or two more, not a whole joint-family.
Like in this chapter you can introduce the parents, and just tell how many siblings you have and introduce them later when they have a scene with your character, and similarly, instead of telling the readers who he is, show them who he is. It is the very first rule of writing, SHOW, DON'T TELL.
Well it is also one of writers' rules to break the rules if the outcome is better, but I don't think so it is suitable here.
I hope you did not find it offending, I could be one of those people who admire your work and find good points in it (as there are many), but that is of no work for you.
Best wishes, Bethany.

Please continue!!!

Wow! Phenomenal punctuation, Kristin! I'm very sensitive to grammar as a reader, and there were so few, if any, that I didn't notice at all. Thank you for that.

Honestly, as informative and robotic as the first chapter was, I liked it because I had a clear understanding going into the story. That's okay every now and then in light of the fact that many stories nowadays rely on cryptic and slow-release info. I also understand that there wasn't a characters page when you posted. Disregard negative comments about chapter one, if you ask me. It was well-written and that's what matters.

While we're on the topic of well-written, let me emphasize to you how impressed I was at your skill. As overwhelming as the dialogue is, it's strong and that can make up for some of the other lacking aspects. Even still, it's not like you failed completely to be descriptive. Your sensory details are lovely. I'm so sick of basic adjectives and this was a breath of fresh air!

Your characters also stood out to me. They are all prominent voices in their own right, and this is absolutely key in successful pieces. Beautiful development and power. Especially your lead, whose distinct characteristics in terms of background, personality, and quirks did not overwhelm, yet astoundingly conveyed herself to the reader.

Please let me just say again how much I enjoyed the content of the dialogue. Such great interaction!

Keep up the awesome work and write beautiful things!

I didn't read all of it, but so far.. wow! I love your description of the characters, it really paints a clear pic in your mind. The fact that you wrote so many chapters shows that you are a really dedicated writer, and dedication is a good quality to have when writing. So overall... good job!

Here from comment swap.
1st off i know nothing and i mean nothing about hockey.
2nd your first chapter was really....umm i don't know how to word it. It seem over loaded with information about characters and stuff and not so much as giving a slight insight about the story.
I like your description you use. Your have a nice tone to your writing but it does seem a little forced like you think far to much before you write. I hope the story goes well for you

Please update I have to know what happens

I was rereading this when I read the last sentence of halter five it says U am in the back of. Just thought you ought to know

Can't wait for more!!! :)

Nov 4th O.o really more NOW

Fleurywhore ;)

@ eminems_stan93
Thank you for letting me know, I will check into that ASAP!

This is gonna be a bit of a dissapointing comment.
The chapters loaded but there wasn't any text! I checked the comments to see if there was anything wrong on your part of the world wide web. I was given this story yesterday and it still isn't showing up, tried to three different computers. Just then I thought I fixed it but the text is ant small. I dunno if the layout effed up or something... So I thought I'd just say the layout it pre cool but I'm pretty dissapointed. Thought I'd comment anyway can't really say anything if its not working. Sorry.
=(

I dont know much about hockey but it was a really good story anyways :)

@ Everybody Dies;
Thank you for the comment :) As I've told some of the other people who have commented, the first chapter is supposed to be a character bio because when i originally started writing this story there was no 'character' page and then i got over 200 written pages in and i can't really figure it out at this late stage :P I've tried and the story ended up a lot worse. However, thank you for the comment, i really appreciate you taking the time to read something that doesn't normally interest you. Thanks again!

Comments swap sent me here.

I haven't the slightest clue of anything to do hockey, so I'm probably going to make a few stupid comments about things that I haven't a clue about. I absolutely love your layout, it's really cute, so well done on that respect. However, you've got an issue with your layout in the respect that when I try and view anything other than the summary, I'm met with a blank white page. I had to swap to the default layout, which made me slightly annoyed, because the custom layout is just so pretty, so I'd have a look at that.

Your first chapter is almost robotic, and as someone said earlier in the comments, you could have pretty much used it as a character bio. We don't really need all of the information you give us, and there are other ways of integrating family into the story other than just listing 'my mother is, my father is' ect. It's rather boring to read in a list like that, and I found myself merely skimming the bios rather than reading properly. I do, however, like the idea of questioning the reader to begin with. It's a technique that I feel pulls the reader right in, and you've done a good job of using it.

In the second chapter, you seem to repeat a few things, and again, it almost seems like a list. ' I did this, I did that'. Your description is very good, however, so well done on that. Your dialogue is spot on, and I couldn't see any errors with it.

This definitely isn't something I would read myself (as I said, I don't know the first thing about hockey, or hockey teams), but you're doing quite a good job. Just sort out the whole list thing, and you've got an excellent story here! Well done! :)

I read all of the chapters and I would like to say great job. I'm don't know anything about fandom, but you have great ppotential of being a writer. So I would be judging you on your writing. Your description for each chapter really dragged me in to find out what the chapter is going to be about. I like the detail of each scene you bring out. Yes there is a few grammar and spelling errors, but I don't have any room to talk, I have errors myself. Keep up the good work.

It really dragged me in when I read the first chapter. I like the fact that you don't rush into detail into the story which really is a plus for me. Great job. :)

I really like the description of the this story. I also really enjoyed every detail you have put instead of rushing through details. Good job keep it up!! :)

Sooo... comment swap brought me here and I'm not familiar with the fandom and I can't comment on anything else than the subscription because there isn't showing anymore. I tried re loading the page and everything but your chapters won't come up o.O

First of all, I'd like to apologize for taking so long to comment.

Second of all, I LOVE THIS STORY! At the beginning, I thought I wasn't really going to like it because anything that pertains to religion kind of makes me shudder, but I'm glad I kept reading. My only complaint is that you have some minor spelling/grammatical errors; i.e you put quotation marks at the beginning/ending of a paragraph where people aren't speaking. Other than that, this is pretty well written and very interesting. I still haven't finished all of the available chapters, but I'm subscribing, so I hope you update soon.