The Core - Comments

so I have only gotten to about chapter 3 but WOW this amazingly written it keeps your attention very well. I really liking reading scifi but I find it some times gets too wordy and I confused too quickly.So Like that this does not feel that way.

First of all, I just wanted to say that this is one of the most well-written stories I've read on here in a while. I haven't gotten terribly far into the story, but I've enjoyed the first few chapters. I thought it was funny how Lark spoke up for herself when she was meeting the family it made me laugh. I don't usually go for this kind of fantasy story, but yours has a really interesting start!

Wow, I'm really glad I stumbled across your story. I was doing a few of the comment swaps earlier and it is so refreshing to read a story this well-written. I planned to read only a few chapters last night, but I found myself pretty absorbed in the story (which is new for me because fantasy stories aren't typically the first books I reach for on the shelf). Needless to say, here I am a day and 15 chapters later, still hooked. Lark is definitely my favorite as well as the most fleshed out character I've come across in a while -- love her. Haven't reached the end yet but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that Ch. 21 isn't the last. :)

I've not read a story like this before but it's really interesting and I love the way that your write. I also love your development of characters and your detailed descriptions.
Also, your summary was really great, it instantly drew me in, and allowed me to read a story, that normally would not be my cup of tea. But I have really enjoyed what I've read so far!

[Comment swap]. I have never read a good fantasy story but this one is amazing! The names in this story are beautifully unique and even though I'm only up to chapter 3, the characters are so well developed and I feel like they are real! This is an amazing story. :)

I usually don't read fantasy-esque stories, but this one is great! I love the whole idea, it's so original and detailed. And I love the character development & the uneasiness some of them have. This is random, but I also like the chapter titles :) Overall, very well done!!!

Obviously your layout is fantastic, but just to say it again (: And I'm only in the first two chapters and really excited to keep reading! :D

First the layout is very beautiful and your story fits with it.

Now with your story, it feels very unique in it's own way. I love all the unique names which actually makes this story feel different then most. I also love how the font and the story itself was easy to read, and with your desprictions I'm in love with. On a plus side, I didn't find anything wrong with this story that I could see.

Great Job to all the authors working on this story.

**Comment Swap**
The layout was the first thing that I noticed, and I thought it fit the story very well. I love the unique names, and how there aren't many stories like yours! It was really easy to read, and I love how descriptive you are!! I didn't see anything wrong with the story at all!

Amazing summary, easy to read layout, and like the below user said, your grammar and spelling etc is actually flawless, which is great.

I love the originality, and you paint a very, very clear picture of what is going on in your descriptions, the words flow together beautifully which is something very rare to find on Mibba. I don't normally read 21 chapters of a story if I've not been following it since the beginning but it really pulled me in and I really enjoyed reading. Recc'd. :>

Such a great summary, I was instantly pulled in. Your grammar, spelling, etc. is absolutely flawless, which is super duper duper rare on mibba. I really like how original and creative this story is. Your descriptions are very detailed and you can really picture stuff in your head which is great. One bit of criticism though is that sometimes your sentences tend to run on a bit.

Such a great summary, I was instantly pulled in. Your grammar, spelling, etc. is absolutely flawless, which is super duper duper rare on mibba. I really like how original and creative this story is. Your descriptions are very detailed and you can really picture stuff in your head which is great. One bit of criticism though is that sometimes your sentences tend to run on a bit.

So, this is the first story I've come upon in the comment swap today that honestly has good grammar, description, and punctuation. Thank goodness, because I don't feel like pointing out a ton of errors, lol.

First of all, I liked your opening in paragraph one. I only thought you had a slight bit of repetitiveness when you wrote "the snow around was new fallen and was gently tumbling" < You wrote was twice, maybe you could change that sentence, break it up, do something to get one of them out. That sentence as a whole is actually really, really long. You could break all of it up.

Your description of the girl was quite nice! I really liked that. Not sure if this is fanfiction or what, but regardless, it's pretty well written.

Your ending was sort of abrupt but it wasn't bad. Just took me by surprise. I did find this easy to read because it flowed well. The only things I can really suggest you improve on are your run-ons.

I wish you would update, this is my favorite story on Mibba!

Okay, to start with, the summary was written super well. It pulled me in and made me want to read your story so much more than I had originally. It's kind of hard to accomplish (for me anyways).

The opening sentence of your first chapter was nothing entirely special but it still catches the readers attention. Your first chapter was a wonderful opening to your story. It introduces enough mystery and yet just the right amount of non-mystery to make it intriguing. I can't wait to read the rest (whenever I have time).

Coolio

Update soon my friends <3

I love that within the first line of the summary I already get the sort of whimsical and other-worldly feel that comes with fantasy stories, and I'm already thrust into this new world so easily. :3

It should be although his name was Anthrax, because the rest is written in past tense. Otherwise a really amazing summary, it's gripping and enticing and definitely has enough mystery that pushes me to read on!

I like too that your diction and voice in the narration really compliments the feel and tone of the fantasy aspect of the story, with a sort of more olden feel to it, little things like the snow was new fallen, which most modern people wouldn't say, I think really fits it well. c:

Your descriptions too are really done great, with just enough to paint me a clear and vivid picture of what's going on, and with fantasy I think that's a really keen point a lot of people skip over, but definitely not an overload that bores me. There's a really good balance, and I could clearly seen in my head the gruesome sight of the bloodied girl. In my mind, I think it might be Lark, but I don't know, the suspense is wonderful though!

It's a really great beginning, and I'll admit I'm not an avid fantasy reader but this definitely kept my attention the entire time. Fantastic job! :3

Chapter 21: You have a few jacked up paragraphs near the middle/end-ish.

Wow, what a chapter! I was expecting Pernix's letter to arrive or something but it took a completely different turn! I can't believe he loves her, though I suspect she feels the same. If not yet, soon enough she will. Wow, I am completely impressed with every chapter of this story, guys, I am. I will be checking back regularly for updates.

Update soon for me, guys, okay? <3

DONE! :D

Chapter 20: Oh, Pernix, I think I love her. It is courageous of her to even change their fates, let alone consider sending a warning to Lark. However, I'm glad she is. I hope Zorac never finds out, and that she may live, but it is so sweet.

One last chapter <3