The Core - Comments

Chapter 19: AWWWW, what a cute chapter. I love this playfulness between the two. I love everything about them; the simplicity of the romance is what is most intriguing I think. The chapter was well written and satisfying. I felt so proud and happy that Lark finally got to go to town. Unfortunately, I'm sure that someone will find out... Can't wait to see who does, or if they do at all!

Only two chapters left until I'm caught up!

Chapter 18: I wanted to point out here, as she's describing the first city, she never says what city it is. I'd just like to know lol, though I think the mention it in the first true "Advisors" chapter.

I'm glad Lark opened up to Taylon, and I am loving the pair a lot more now. Each are so different but in a short time they have become close and in sync and I love it. It's not a whirlwind romance like most novels. They're playful and not at all dramatic (well, at times they can be.) I feel bad for Taylon, for feeling so small though :/

On a side note, for some reason 'Small Town Moon' by Regina Spektor makes me think of Lark so much, lol.

Chapter 17: Well, I got what I hoped for! A Core chapter, and an excellent one at that! I loved seeing how most of the Core members were affected by this, the destruction of Pamilea. Though I was slightly uneased by the Ornic and his sister part, I found that I subtly knew and expected it, so good work on that. I don't know what you did, or how you did it, but it works. Also, at this point, I'm hoping another Advisor will leave the Core and join with Lark... I hope, anyway...

Chapter 16: Oddly enough, this chapter made me really sad. It may be only in my mind but Lark seems to be humanizing and I hate it. She can cook cornbread now, she is rather fond of the new adorable baby, and is becoming a 'typical' woman of this place. I hope something with The Core picks up soon. This story needs some action!

Amazing work as usual.

Chapter 15: omfgomfg, the baby is coming! Just paused to tell you that there isn't a image url between the bb codes, so it's all blah. Back to reading!

Despite Lark feeling a bit outcasted, I am so excited for the baby! It's taken nearly 15 chapters but thank The Core, it's finally here! I can't wait to see how this goes, so I'm just going to read on! Great chapter!

Chapter 14: The 8th paragraph is messed up, lol, just point that out while I'm reading.

Once again great chapter. I've always like Rhiana and this chapter made me love her so much more. She trusts Lark that much?! And though I liked Andor in the beginning, I hate him now. Jerk. I am happy however, that the actual topic of men being the better sex in this story popped up. I mean, it's always been here and its been poked at but never truly looked at by either character, so that was nice to see. And I'm glad Lyrius is so just and kid, lol, and likes cake. We're going to get along just fine!

Onward!

Chapter 13: Sorry it's taken so long to review this chapter, I've been busy. I'd like to say that it is very well written and exciting throughout! I have a lot of excitement for the next chapter! Nice suspense factor to this chapter, by the way.

Chapter Twelve: I'm noticing a bit of typos here so far: The shower head was awkwardly positioned on...
Gingerly, she stripped off her clothes...
You barely let me get a word in...
He longed for nothing more than to touch every inch of her...
He moved his hands to around...

Wow, what another dynamic chapter. So much happened! and omfg, a kiss?!?! I thought that Lark was in the right place in slapping Taylon. He deserved it. He forced her into it. I can kind of see that even Lyrius has warmed up to the idea of Lark -at least a bit- and that makes me so happy.

Good work!

Chapter Eleven: (first off, ignore the first part of the last comment; you never mentioned him by name.)

I loved this chapter, maybe more than the rest. It's a rare glimpse into The Core that we don't normally see. I loved watching the interactions. You could tell who despises who and who cares for who. It was amazing. I felt sad for Zorac, for his 'daughter' was gone and has defied him. However, I don't see why Pamilea is such a threat to him personally. Good God, this story is so freaking intriguing!

Chapter Ten: This was another amazing chapter, and I did see something wrong. I'm pretty sure Lark has mentioned the Advisor of Sin before in the story (at least in her thoughts) and he was by a different name. It's inconsistent. At least, I think they don't match.

As for the rest of the chapter, I love how she's warming up to him, which can't be easy. She's such a softie on the inside :P Can't wait to keep reading.

Chapter Nine: Amazing chapter. I've been reading it for like the last seven or so hours, seeing as I'm at school. I've just now finished and have the opportunity to comment. I don't have long but I wanted to say that these two are so adorable at this point, but I know that something dark must be approaching soon. When things are the best, something makes them bad again. Great chapter!

Chapter Eight: Probably one of the best chapters written so far. I love the creation story and how intently Lark was listening to it. Not only was it cool to hear, it was also a great literary device to give your readers some great information, so kudos on that. That part with Taylon refusing to turn around made me like him a bit less. Lark isn't like other girls. She should be treated with much more respect than her. Also, Andor has started to make me so mad. He needs to realize she's telling the truth.

Great, great, great story!

(I would comment up until Chapter 11, but I'm too tired :/ Tomorrow, though!)

Chapter Seven: Oh, poor Lark. To be honest, though it was very sweet of Taylon to say those things, I don't think he had any place. She was right; he knows nothing about her. She's known him for three or more days and so far, there is so little to be known of her. However, I am hurt by the fight, so that's terrific on your part. Taylon just keeps getting more likeable at this point.

(I am pausing my reading for a bit, so I can eat something and shower. I hope to get to at least Chapter 11 tonight! :D)

Chapter Six: Quick note before I actually comment; paragraphs 3 and 14 are jacked up.

Excellent chapter, I saw no grammar or spelling mistakes. I love how, again, Lark seemed so normal. That wistfulness of thinking about Palimea is both adorable and sad. I am a sucker for those sheltered type characters. I am starting to like Lark even more, and Taylon has moved onto the good side of the character list for me. I love how well you write and incorporate both of their wants and needs and thoughts. It's wonderful and as usual, I can't wait for the next chapter.

Chapter Five: Bwahaha, I love how human Lark seemed in this chapter. She can't cook to save her life, apparently. It's hilarious to see such a strong, independent woman fail at such a small task when it seem she has so much faith in herself. And I'm starting to pick up that there might be a Taylon/Lark romance in the future but to be honest, I'm hoping not. The two don't seem very likely together. However, that can change.

Another great chapter, but I did notice a few very small mistakes here and there. Often times, it was just a letter missing. A quick re-read and you'd find the mistakes, no doubt.

Another amazing job!

Chapter Four: Okay, I noticed some inconsistencies within the chapter, and trust me, I hate to find any fault with this story. The first was that you mentioned Lyrius by name before he'd been actually introduced with a name. (Or that I remember anyway, or perhaps Lark just knows his name because well, she knows all the secrets of the world.) The second, which isn't a consistency but rather something I don't understand- why are these two families living within one home? It has puzzled me and I just have to ask. Perhaps I'll find out later in the story...

As for the good points of the chapter, you did another amazing job. The chapter itself revealed a bit of new information that I have tucked away. Also, I'm coming to like certain characters and dislike others. I adore Lark, and her attitude of course, and Andor, who has an attitude of his own. Rhiana is great character as well, so wiling to believe and so kind. I'm still on the outs with the others so far.

Can't wait to see what happens next!

Chapter Three: Another good chapter. You guys keep me wanting to keep on going. I'm starting to familiarize myself with the characters and the setting. I'm just already in love with the story and I know it can only get better from here. I can't wait to see how this story unfolds.

(I shall be continuing more of this story tomorrow.)

Summary/Layout: Can I just say how excited I am to read this story? You honestly have no idea. I never see fantasy stories like this here on Mibba (though I actually have one ) and I can't wait. The layout is simple and flawless. The summary has left me so excited, so I'm just going to start reading. Can't wait!

Chapter One: Terrific first chapter, terrific. Really. This is truly amazing so far. Your words... So beautifully written. They flow so easily and they have been chosen perfectly. This looks like the work of a published author. As for the story itself, I'm very excited. This poor was attacked, but seeing as she is not Andor or Taylon's 'kind' I'm a bit skeptical. Also, I'm curious about what might have done this to her, or who... On to the next!

Chapter Two: Wow, another brilliant chapter. Two amazing authors on this story, I have to say. You both write as though you were experienced and published novelists and it's so great. This chapter answered a few of my questions and left me extremely interested. Lark seems like an intriguing character, that's for sure, and her being an Advisor is certainly amazing. However, I'm not completely sure if I trust her. I'm with Andor on this; you can't trust her so easily.

(I'll be back to read more soon!)

Wow the comment swap sent me here and I have to say it's pretty spectacular! It's incredibly creative, and your characters are well-built. However, sometimes the narrative was a little dizzying, but all in all it was very good. I'll be sure to keep reading!

Sent from comment swap and, I must say, I got really lucky! This is amazing! I hate to repeat what everyone else has been saying but, just from the first chapter, I'm interested, and trust me, it's hard for me to get attached to something. But, you've done it. I'm definately going to continue reading.

The writing is lovely, and the atmosphere is absolutely brillinant. Of course, the spelling and grammar's pretty good too, as far as I can tell; which, is a definite plus.

Overall, I like it a lot, and will definately keep reading n_n~*