The Core - Comments

The summary was amazing, and it hooked me in immediately. It makes me want to read the story you want to share with all of us.
Like the comment below, I wasn't sure this was my type of story. Then again, I really have no clue what my type of story is.

Your grammar and writing style are amazing, and I'm quite envious of it. After reading the first chapter, which also hook me in, I will definitely subscribe, so I can come back and read even more.

The summary felt more like a prologue in my opinion, and I kind of think it would have been better suited as such.

Two chapters in I'm not certain this is my type of story--mind you its extremely well written and I haven't seen any errors I see the need to point out to you. So that was a nice breath of fresh air.

I don't know how I feel about your MC yet. Her interactions in the first two chapters really haven't given me much of a hint to her personality. Except it almost seems like she thinks she's above them at points when she's conversing with her saviors? It's not exactly flattering but then again it more or less is a first glance.

But this is really well written. So kudos!

I really wasn't sure what to expect when I arrived at this story but I've got to admit it is appealing. I've only read the first few chapters but it did get my attention.

I rather enjoy the layout but in all honesty I think the introduction was rather long.

I enjoyed how highly descriptive it was and it reflects your writing style very well.

I have only read the first two chapters and I already have fallen in love with this amazing story and your incredible writing. The level of this is unreal,already the creation you are writing,and this new world your characters are in is amazing.As there are a good lot of chapters, I am going to take my time with it and just read a couple a day or so. But I have enjoyed it and I know I will enjoy the rest so keep up the good work!

So I wasn't sure what to expect when I got your story for the comment swap, but I was pleasantly surprised. I've only read the first two chapters, but when I have more time I'm definitely going to read the rest.

First, your layout is really nice. Simple enough to not distract from the story but still interesting. Your summary felt a little bit long, but I liked how it introduced the plot of the story so well. The whole world you've created here kind of reminded me of Panem from The Hunger Games. It's awesome how you've created something still relatable but also kind of fantasy-like as well.

I really liked how, throughout the first two chapters, you didn't use a lot of dialogue, but you used it where it was needed. It bugs me when people go overkill with dialogue in their stories, I like to see descriptions and what the character is thinking and things like that. You have a very nice writing style!

Anyways, very nice job with the beginning, and I'm sure I'll have more to say once I read the rest (:

I'm not much of a fan of this story. I thought your summaries was one of the chapters. I think it is a little bit long. I also suggest you put a little more dialogue in your chapters to give the story more body to it. I guess a liked the story since I want you do do much better... please keep going.

When the comment swap thing sent me here, I'll be honest, my heart sank. I thought 'this is not my kind of story'. but actually, it drew me right in and I surprised myself by reading on for quite a while! Props to you for writing skills!

Alyssa, this is fantastic. I loved every second of it! Write more soon!

This story is very good at drawing you in. I was immediately interested from the first chapter - well, from the summary, actually. I liked how the summary was about one group of people, but then the first chapter was about some other people - it makes you wonder what connection those two groups will have. I'm also really intrigued by the world you've created here; I've only read the first few chapters, but I'd really like to find out more about it. I was a little confused to begin with about who was a human and who wasn't. I'm guessing the humans are sort of an oppressed race, which could make for a really interesting story. I also really like the growing conflict between Lark and the others in the first few chapters.

I noticed a grammar mistake, mostly in the first chapter, where you often didn't start a new paragraph when someone started speaking. It's not a huge error, but I thought I should point it out. Overall, though, this is a very intriguing story.

Comment swapping is so much fun. It leads you to so many new stories...

Okay, anyway, let's review. The layout is very nice, and I love the picture, but I don't like how it moves around. I have to scroll up and down just to get in full view. You're wording and imagery is also very nice. Every word seems to flow together, and that's a very good thing to have. No choppy sentences, paragraph malfunctions, or even any grammar errors. I say keep it up, cause I really enjoyed it. :)

~~comment swap~~
I love stories like this and there's such a lack of decent ones on mibba that it makes me sad sometimes. ): BUT THIS IS WONDERFULLY BEAUTIFUL AND ORIGINAL SO UM.
kudos. c:
There aren't any glaring errors, the layout's nice, the story is ~lovely~ and it flows very nicely. Your writing style is nice and simple and sweet and ~i love it~ so, you know, keep up the good work! c:

Since the Palimean are a race and the way this story is I feel as if there should be a set "leader". At times I feel that Andor is trying to be that but at other points Taylon is. Without one this race would fall apart.

i had to look some of the terms up and i was blown away what people can take from knowledge of somethign and turn it into something so truely beautiful and full of orginalit is amazing keep writting i shall await more adventures with the paimean

This story is just oozing originality! And not just only that, the writing is beautiful. The descriptions of everything are well written and coming alive. The characters each have a unique personality that translates from 2-D to 3-D. The names of the characters really fit this world you have created.

Since the Palimean are a race and the way this story is I feel as if there should be a set "leader". At times I feel that Andor is trying to be that but at other points Taylon is. Without one this race would fall apart.

This is truly great though. Keep it up.

Ive only read the first chapter but the story is really amazing. The descriptions of nature are beautiful and I think it is structured very well. The story is a little confusing to start off with but Im sure if I carried on reading I would get into it :)

I only had to read the first chapter to see that this story rocks! It's impossible to make this story any better. I'm definitely gonna recommend this story. I love it. -A

YES. YES I KNEW IT. I ALWAYS KNEW IT. I KNEW ERIESA AND ORNIC WERE HAVING AN AFFAIR. I KNEW IT. ALWAYS.

Lmao. Well that was an outburst. I was frankly going to message you with that as a "tip to make the story even awesomer" but it seems that was unnecessary! You rock girl. ^^

I've only found the time to read the first four chapters, but this story is fascinating. The description, which was more like a prologue, was nicely done. Most of your character, especially lark, taylon, and Andor are very well developed, and I like your layout. Every once and a while I find your punctuation distracting, but that's just your preference I suppose. Very well done though, I'm subscribing!

That was absolutely absorbing. I know fantasy would be a pain to write so I definitely have to respect you for that. There's nothing I could say negatively about this it's absolutely fantastic. I find it so hard to believe that you could write something not realistic so clearly and in depth. Your characters amaze me.

Still amazing I love reading it everyweek!!! :)

I was brought here by comment swap. And to be honest when I started reading this I was quite confused, much like occulta, I thought Palimean was a person, later discovering it was actually a race. Aside from that, I think you have a very great story. I find it very interesting. Your summary really grabs a readers attention and makes them want to read more. :) And I really like your style of writing, and I hope you keep up the great work.