The Core - Comments

I'm going to start this review with the layout. Personally, I had to switch to the default layout after I read chapter two because the cyan was hurting my eyes. I think the banner has some beautiful pastel hues that'll go perfectly as a background color. It'd be much easier to read and less distracting, it'd also match the picture banner. As for the picture banner, I recommend you use the selection of 'fixed' instead of 'scroll'; it's just odd to scroll down and see the picture move. I do appreciate your font and size selection.

Now, onto the story. At first I was confused, I thought that Palimean was actually a person and it wasn't until I read on chapter two that it was actually a race. I already perceive Lark as the heroine of the story, her quest being saving this Palimean race from Zorac. Another thing was amused me was War's other name: Anthrax. It just struck me as a bit ironic that Anthrax does actually exists and it's a disease. I do appreciate the rest of your characters, they already have a set character and personality. Your description is to the point and nice, not too over the top but not all that simplistic.

I love that this is fantasy. It's been a long time since I've read a fantasy story, and it's obvious one is not supposed to understand the whole plot and universe the story is set in when it's original fantasy. The biggest mystery for me is what an Advisor is, but I think I'm starting to understand.

You've created a very intriguing world and an interesting plot to follow it up. Keep up the good work!

The summary is so long and descriptive and i loved it. This is a super mysterious story and i surprised at how well you wrote it. It is a very hard thing to write fantasy, as someone before me said, and i give you props for that. I enjoy your writing style, it is very unique and intriguing. however, i get myself distracted a lot when i read, which made it even harder to read this kind of story. but i really like your characters, they're very thought out and planned nicely.

So, the summary is super impressive and I'm super admiring of your skills because I am awful at summaries... Anyway. I like how it gives me as the reader a hint of what is going on (war or taking over of some other place) and a bit of mysterious knowledge about the characters. I'm particularly curious about Secrets/Lark and War/Anthrax. Why do they have different names, for one?

The first chapter is also excellent. The mystery girl - well, I have some ideas about her already. I like how the hunting trip goes awry when Taylon finds her. The characters already have this strong sense of self about them, and that's great.

You're doing a wonderful job from what I've read, and this seems like a good fantasy read!

I'm impressed. Fantasy is really hard to write, there are so many details that have to be completely perfect, and you've done a good job with those details. I noticed a few small grammar and punctuation errors, but nothing major. You have a natural flow and your writing style is really nice. Your characters, especially Taylon and Lark, really come alive. Keep writing, I can’t wait to find out what happens!

The story is very interesting. (: Although, I'd like to tell you that, in the beginning, I was very distracted by the way Rhiana's name was get spelled as 'Rhaina' - quite often. xD I didn't know what her name was at first!!

You have very nice detail, and you paint a pretty picture for the brain to eat!

Ooooh. See, when I first came across this (You're right, it was the comment-swap thingy!) I was like "Ughhhhh fourteeen chaptersss and I've made an oath to read them allll nuuuuu", but really, it was rewarding. I was immediately hooked. The Zorac cut scenes between Lark's story are perfectly placed, and the characters are quite entertaining.

I love Rhiana and Tyrion very much, they do well at establishing a warm, family-hug atmosphere. I also enjoy your style, which seems more like that of a professional novelist than just "someone on Mibba". Its amazing how accurate and seamless your word choice and flow are.

The only turn-off for me was the romance, but then again, thats probably just me and my asexual ways XD. The other girl-readers were probably "oooh"ing and "aah"ing all throughout. ;D

The only thing I feel is out of place is Taylon's "sin"ish side, however. See, Andor's personality matches up perfectly with lust, cursing, selfishness, and all (inappropriate) things there on. But Taylon, Taylon seems like a gentleman. In fact, you never express any sexual tension (on his behalf) between him and Lark before the kiss. This is why it came off as sort of surprising when it all happened. I wouldnt imagine Taylon as the emotionless, physical, uncommited "affair" kind of guy. You feel me?

Other than that, I love this story. I am totally subscribing. (*Wheres that subscribe button! -looks around frantically-*)

Keep writing!

This is really interesting. I usually don't read anything like it. (Comment swap brought me here.) Your descriptions are spot on and the names you use for the characters are just... they fit really well. I really do like this.

I just finished reading Is There Any Cake and oh my goodness, I love this story. You seriously need to update this ASAP. I'm pretty jealous of your writing style right now. Once again, it flows so well and the characterization just keeps getting better and better. Please update soon :)

wow from what i've read so far this is really great. the summary alone was way more detailed than most people would give, but it works really well. the description is really nice too, i think that's my favourite part so far. it's really got me hooked in. great stuff.

I have to.admit I wasnt sure I was going to like it but its pretty.good. Your descriptions crete an image almost immediately. Can't wait to read more!

This is really cool, the plot is deeply original and the summary sucked me in straight away. The whole thing is just so compelling and you're writing flows so elegantly. I can't wait to read more of this, so you've got yourself a subscriber!

Haha Andor just got put in his place. No one talks to Lark like that. NO ONE. Please update soon!

This is brilliant! I love the plot line and the characters. Lark is easily someone I instantly adored and I felt almost protective of her, even though she can take care of herself. The layout is simple and the headline picture is gorgeous! I didn't see any typos or errors, so kudos! Keep the great work! :)

“Is there any cake?”

That was amazing. I seriously am captivated by every chapter. Lark and Taylon seem to have an interesting relationship, and I can't wait to see where that goes. I also can't wait to see where the fate of Palimea.

I absolutely love the first chapter. The very first line was funny and made me want to keep reading the story. Your descriptions are beautiful and you really put an image into the reader's mind.
I think you left off the first chapter in the perfect spot. When Andor said, "She doesn't look anything like our people." it made me wonder if she was an alien or just someone of a different race, so naturally I had to keep reading to find out!

What a wonderful story! I'm impressed with the amount of work you have put into creating this new and interesting world! The layout is simple and nice, the characters are diverse and fun, the storyline is new and exciting, and the character names are adventurous and exotic overall a wonderful story! :)

I have to admit, when I first started reading this I wasn't sure if I would like it. I don't usually read fantasy stories. You have an amazing way of writing, like when the story was showing The Core and their meeting, that was very well written, and very well planned. You showed each personality so well. I cannot wait to see what happens with this story. I am truely interrested. You are seriously talented.

This is very well-written, and a surprise! I do like fantasy, and this was captivating. I love the concept, the very idea of 'Secrets' puts me at the edge of my seat, and the characters are their own. Wonderful job so far. You have talent, my friend :)

From the start you’ve hooked my attention and gotten me insanely curious about the injured girl, Lark. This reads like a classic fantasy story, with compelling characters, and already I’m interested to see what happens within Palimea and the impending doom that I’m sensing is about to come. You’ve got a wonderfully magical vibe with this, and it can only get even better. :D

To begin this off; I have to say I like the plot. It is an interesting idea. Although, I think you might want to describe things a little more than tell them.

Also you say Lark is shy, but she doesn't seem so shy with them. It seems as if it was something thrown in there for a second, and then never really shown after that. You made her seem more confident and outspoken than shy after the paragraph that you mentioned it in, in the second chapter.

Within the summary, when Lark (or Secrets), is first addressed, you put: "Secrets! What do you know," I think it should be more like, "Secrets? What do you know?" As you're asking a question.

I do like this story, though; the descriptions you do give are very well, and I the personalities of the characters seem pretty real. One of the things I like most about this is that Zorac - and the others, if I'm correct - want to destroy Palimea because it is getting stronger than them. Yet where they're from they are ruled by a God and are getting to be weaker than them. It makes it seem more real, more believable. I also love how in Palimea, the folks there think Lark and her people are just myths, stories that are sort of told around the campfire or some sort.

Anyway, this was very good and I'm going to read the rest of it! Great job.