A Dangerous Dance - Comments

Oh yeah! I forgot one thing. --two things. One, when you referred to Lucas as Luke right after talking about the baby, I was momentarily confused. Mere split-second.

Also, when Lucas heads to the office, was that in the home? I say this as next thing after the office, Lucas is suddenly at home. If the office is not in the home, perhaps to check. I could have read wrong although I did sort of glance at the spot again and wasn't certain.

Oh yeah! I forgot one thing. --two things. One, when you referred to Lucas as Luke right after talking about the baby, I was momentarily confused. Mere split-second.

Also, when Lucas heads to the office, was that in the home? I say this as next thing after the office, Lucas is suddenly at home. If the office is not in the home, perhaps to check. I could have read wrong although I did sort of glance at the spot again and wasn't certain.

Wow! You didn't hold back on this thing. Lucas, what a walking cadaver of a sociopath. I hope Cleo lives and clobbers him in the sequel.

Overall, I liked that I could read the finish of teh book and have a good sense about things--I've always thought if one could crack a new book open to the middle and get a good sense of everything, then the book was well written. I got that sense here.

In chapter 37-- "Lucas barely ever conveyed emotions," some extra wordage and it caused me to look cross-eyed at the writing. V4ery small yet, "Lucas never conveyed," slightly faster and stronger? Dunno.

Also looking cross-eyed, lots of occurrences of the word "but." Some occurrences seemed too close together. It was in Houses of the Ancients or something like that I noticed this. You've continued that flavor in this note. Synonyms for the word “but” include “although, however, nevertheless, on the other hand, still, though, yet, besides,” and more. The word “but” oft is overused and oft there is a synonym with a meaning more in line with what the sentence is saying. The word “but” implies some opposition to the foregoing words, yet oft the word choice to be used should not declare opposition, rather it should supply a meaning of “in addition” or “in juxtaposition” or similar.

Similar with the word "was." Lots of them, a few could be uptranslated to a strong verb.

All in all, despite my gripes, I thought the story strong (scary!) and it kept my interest. My compliments.

@ kdennis9
thank you for taking the time to read! I'll be posting the first chapter of the sequel within a week or less. Hope you enjoy!!

I’ve spent the last two days reading this. Definitely piqued my interest. Can’t wait to see what happens!

sooooo inlove. update soon please

Oh my goodness, I am so happy you updated this. It's one of my favorites of all time. Anyway, I think she's slightly dumb, but not. It's a bit realistic in that sense because everyone had someone that they'd always go back to, at one point of their life.

Yes she's dumb, but no she's not dumb. She's in love and sometimes you give the people you love the upper hand and try to not doubt them. I loved how Luke actually found her and kind of opened up to her. Can't wait to read more update soon!

Update soon please!!!

Please please please update soon!!!!!!!!!!!

I was brought here by comment swap, and I've never been so satisfied with the story I was assigned to read. In honesty, this story is among my top five favorite Mibba stories. I've enjoyed reading it a lot. It's a different story than ones I normally read, it was a nice change from them too, love all the characters and the plot, FINALLY ANTONIO IS GONE woo hoo this calls for celebration! Update soon, can't wait to read it.

So happy to see this updated! By far one of my top 3 favorite stories that I'm subscribed to, if not my number 1 favorite. I love their passion and happy to see Gisella wants change.

Same as squidyyo, I had to reread it but it was still fantastic. Update soon!

I'm so glad youre back to updating this, i re-read it and now im like hooked. Update soon!

I must say, I am VERY happy comment swap sent me your way. I love the way your words paint a picture in my head. I actually see the town, I can actually feel your characters. I feel that is an amazing thing yet it is also a very hard thing. But you nailed it. Your writing style isn't over-complicated or under-complicated, yet you still get the setting across. Great job. Subscribing and recommending!

I'm going to burst from anxiety ok. Kind of hoping for Lucas' explanation and a fight and him admitting all his feelings even though this is all unlikely. Sigh.
Update soon c; like really soon.

I'm only a few chapters into your story, but I really like it. Gisella makes for an interesting character.

I was so nervous reading this but I'm so happy that Antonio is dead. I have this huge feeling that Gisella isn't waiting in the room for him but I REALLY HOPE SHE IS. I love it as usual. Keep up the amazing work!

Oh snap, things just got intense. Can't wait for the next chapter :)

*Comment Swap*
I like your first chapter!! I instantly get the feel for what the main character is about! Also, your description of the town is very easy to imagine! While I was reading, it felt like I was almost watching the story in my mind! I think you have a solid story!