A Dangerous Dance - Comments

Wow, your summary really got me! Especially the infinity sign, it's simply amazing. Also your layout is perfect.
I read the first two chapters and they are really good :) Giselly is great character and I'll continue reading immediately :) Keep going on like this!

I am very interested by your story. It is a great idea and it is executed very well. I think that you made Gisella very realistic and her character is very interesting. I must say that there are a few grammar mistakes: "Lake" does not need to be capitalized "An shitty excuse..." should be A. I really don't mind because your context makes up for it.

For someone who dreads first chapters, you sure write them pretty well xD

I really like your writing style, and your use of imagery. It's like I can actually see everything going on in the story, which is really impressive seeing as most authors leave out really important aspects, like the scenery and whatnot. But you've got that covered. I can't wait to read more :D

Just read your first, and actually I found it really interesting. (No need to dread that first chapter :D)

The only critique I can really make for you is:

I noticed at one point it switched from Gisella, to Lee, then back.

(Having no where else to go Lee concluded that walking over to the Lake would be the best scenario. She knew it would be overly crowded, but the people could make room for her.)

Am I just confused? That's it though, good job!

What a jerk! He should have stayed. But I like how they play off each other and the sex was fine ;)
Can't wait for more <3

First off, I love the infinity sign, it's so cool.
The character development is great. It would be nice to have more of an idea about the history between Gisella and the other characters but I'm sure that will come in time. Your'e an amazing write :)

First off, I love the infinity sign, it's so cool.
The character development is great. It would be nice to have more of an idea about the history between Gisella and the other characters but I'm sure that will come in time. Your'e an amazing write :)

I'm here for comment swap, but I couldn't be happier that I got sent here. I fell in love with this story quickly and couldn't stop reading it. You use great details, which I LOVE (people who use little detail piss me off). But keep up the good work, I'm very impressed. :)

I like how Gisella is a different character from that of what is usually portrayed for the main character. Romeo intrigues me, his name is popular for a different demeanor and I like that you strayed away from playing up that part. Description was on par, very nice, however, I think the dialogue really brought to life the characters for me. You see Gisella, a really bold character, through her subtle gestures and dialogue and I really like that indirect approach. The reason for the other characters avoidance towards Gisella was lost on me though. I find an unlikeablely likeable main character appealing. To successfully pull off that situation is awesome. She’s got this bratty, bold attitude that brings her character to the forefront, really leaves an image. I feel that the description of Lucas at the end of chapter four would have been better if revealed throughout the story, rather than all at once. Otherwise, good stuff!

Before I comment on your story, I just wanted to say that I really like your eternity symbol, it's really cool. I like the pictures in it too.

Anyway, story now. Your characters were realistic and easy to relate to, I could understand what they were thinking and why. I would have thought that Gisella would be a little more upset over her brother's death though, but maybe that's just me. I think you have to talent to make this story great and have already created a good start. Keep it up, I'm looking forward to reading more :)

Before I comment on your story, I just wanted to say that I really like your eternity symbol, it's really cool. I like the pictures in it too.

Anyway, story now. Your characters were realistic and easy to relate to, I could understand what they were thinking and why. I would have thought that Gisella would be a little more upset over her brother's death though, but maybe that's just me. I think you have to talent to make this story great and have already created a good start. Keep it up, I'm looking forward to reading more :)

This story has great potential. I like where you're taking the plot, and I love how you give insight on the characters.

Your development of your characters is amazing. They have defined personalities and the dialogue between them fits perfectly and is not too predictable either. I think you need to introduce a few more character to move along the plot.

Your layout is nice but simple, I only wish the gray letters were a couple shades lighter to make me squint less. I am a little bit confused about the setting though. I can't quite picture a small town full of gangs and crime, but that might just be my small amount of life experience. My only suggestion is that you go more into detail about setting and emotion, but this is very well written and interesting. Well done!

I love the layout. It gives off a dark mood and hopefully no offense is taken when I say Gisella is a dark character. But I do like that she has her own morals and her very own unique voice. You develop the characters amazingly which is always a plus for a reader. I love the plot and I'm going to subscribe because I would love to see how you play it out.

I wasn't really drawn into the story, just because the subject matter isn't exactly something I'm interested in, but I think for people who are interested, you have a good idea for a story. I like Gisella's attitude in the story. You can tell she's tough and doesn't take crap from anyone. While reading, I came across a few sentences that were awkward... just a few typos and punctuation that didn't seem to really fit. Anyways, good luck with the story!

i actually really like this and where its set and the atmosphere of it, yes your tory has an atmosphere lol. i love the attitude both characters have. it is very nicely writen and i really want to see where you take this. it would be nice if the chapters were a little longer but im subscribing anyway :)

Okay so I love Gisella's attitude, I love the fact that this is in third person, and I love the small-town girl thing. The chapters are very fluid and I don't think they're too short at all, I think they're the perfect length to gain interest without losing the attention of the reader.
Looking through previous comments I obviously missed something here with all of the curse words that were taken out, but to be honest I would probably have liked them because it adds personality to the narrative voice and makes things a little different to the usual third person narrator. But I can't say for sure because obviously I didn't see it before.
Anyway, I can't wait to see what's going to happen here, you have engaged and excited me and I think I will be subscribing. Well done!

This was very nicely-written. Your writing style is definitely one of a kind. I love your descriptions of everything – this tiny little town that had no air condition anywhere, except for that one expensive clothing store, the finances of the town, the government running it, and just about everything else. It adds personality to an otherwise (at least, I think so) serious story. I really happen to like Gisella. I haven’t read about many characters who are like her; serious, a bad ass, and just plain cool. Her personality is awesome. I find it really sad that her brother was killed in a drive-by; like the other commentors mentioned, I really wasn’t expecting that. When I think of a small town, quaint little houses and friendly neighbors come to mind, not gangs and violence. I’m definitely excited to continue on reading this; I really want to find out more about Gisella and maybe why she’s so serious and somewhat bitter.

Like I mentioned before, your descriptions of absolutely everything and everyone is perfect. I adore your characters and their individual personalities. I can’t wait to read what goes on with then next. I’m subbing. Great job! <3

I love your style of writing! Even though its only a few chapters in, your characters are well developed and rounded. I commend you on your proper use of grammar and the conventions of the English language, it's not often that you see that on sites like this. I think, and this is only my opinion, that you a great beginning for an amazing story! Keep writing :D

I love your style of writing! Even though its only a few chapters in, your characters are well developed and rounded. Keep writing :)

Finally! Someone else whom is as confident as I in writing in the third person, I could hug you!
Too often it is that I see people writing in the first person as they are unfamiliar in writing in any other way, so, this makes me happy.
I like it.