A Dangerous Dance - Comments

Aw that's so cute :) great update.

I love this story so much. I love how each character has their own personality and thoughts and opinions. I can't wait for more

Its written really well! Your descriptions in chapter one really made my feel the heat. Just a side note though, when describing her brothers death, it seemed kind of brushed over and cold. I dont know if it was meant to be like that, but I think it would help give the readers more sympathy if you expressed the tragedy more.

The two characters you have made are both dynamic and fluctuate in ways that no one can really find anymore. Description was on par, very nice, however, I think the dialogue really brought to life the characters for me. You see Gisella, a really bold character, through her subtle gestures and dialogue and I really like that indirect approach. The reason for the other characters avoidance towards Gisella was lost on me though.

I loved the chapter! Luke and Gisella are so perfect. <3

:) it always brightens my day to see this. I loved this chapter, how Gisella is scared of her new environment but can cope since Luke is there. I hope everything goes okay. :)

Hey there!

Chapter One

"Why's that?" [he] asked. >> The dialogue tag should be lowercase here, like what you did in the rest of this chapter.

"Well this is the way I got to get home[.]"

"If you're lucky I'll walk ya' again[.]" >> These two quotes should end in periods because there's no dialogue tag.

Chapter Two

she was just more so curios. >> I think you mean "curious" here.

"...you're fucking 17, okay?..." >> This is a nitpick of mine, but writing out numbers just looks cleaner in prose.

"I fucking get it[,] Rome!" >> Since she's addresses Romeo, there should be a comma before his name.

"Still lucky[.]"
"I don't like playing games[.]" >> Again, these should end in periods.

This is an interesting start. I'm definitely intrigued to see how it's going to progress and how the characters are going to develop.

Right now, Gisella definitely reads as a loner. I wonder if she has any friends or if everyone's just intimidated by her, haha. But I'm only on chapter two, so we'll see!

If you haven't already, I would recommend softening her character just a tad. Right now she's not the more relatable character, but she definitely has a lot of room to grow. And I have a feeling that Luke might help with that.

Speaking of Luke, interesting guy. He seems to be everywhere she is, haha. I like their banter, makes for a fun conversation to read.

The writing itself is pretty good. The descriptions weren't too long, and the dialogue had a nice flow to it. The only criticism I have for that is a little with the formatting. When the dialogue doesn't have a tag (i.e. he said, she said), then it has to end in a period. ("Still lucky.") If it does have a tag, then it ends in a comma. ("Now you," Luke replied.) I didn't see that mistake often though.

Over all, nice beginning! I'm interested to see how this will progress! Nice job and happy writing!

xxx Bee

I love this story more than anything! I hope they can have a smooth start at their new life, although I know that wont happen. Keep it up <3

Team lucas 100%!! you can tell he truly cares about her. this story really is amazing and I'm excited to see what happens next! your writing is so so so good and detailed. I'm hooked! can't wait for more

Gisella is going to stay with Lucas. But, sometimes, honesty is the best policy and she should've done just that and risked the disappointment. I love this story though, brightens up my day to see that email sitting in my inbox

this is great! I love their relationship

It's like a twisted Romeo and Juliet minus the dreadful she's like ten and he's eighteen and the death. Lucas all the way though, he really cares and doesn't want to her hurt Gisella while Antino is just getting revenge from the death of Roemo. Keep it up, it's getting addictive.

It's like a twisted Romeo and Juliet minus the dreadful she's like ten and he's eighteen and the death. Lucas all the way though, he really cares and doesn't want to her hurt Gisella while Antino is just getting revenge from the death of Roemo. Keep it up, it's getting addictive.

Luke all the way! I can't believe Antonio, he's an asshole. I mean, sure, Luke killed Gisella's brother but there is something between that and Antonio should want that Gisella is happy. He's just annoying. I hope Luke doesn't get killed or something :( but I love this story <3 can't wait for more

You need to update soon! i love this story! ;D

I love their relationship. It's so feisty and amazing. UNF. Loved it <3

Your story is AMAZING. I fell in love with the first paragraph, it really sets the mood! Good job on the layout as well. It practically oozes badassessness hahahhaha also, the dialogue is thankfully believable and not at all cheesy. It's maybe even a little gritty come to think of it. Reading this is like a well done european movie

This story is very thugnificent! lol but forreal I really like the personality you've put into your characters. The plot is very original which is rarity that I must say even I cannot achieve. You are an amazing writer and I commend you on your originality :)

i'm a gangster too ya know.i appreciate this story ;)