A Dangerous Dance - Comments

i really like this :) keep updating please

I got here from comment swap, and i must say that think story is amazing. I love your characters personalities♥ there unique and original. I like this story :) Keep up the good work and keep updating, because your writing is really good and this story is really good and i would love to read more :)

Comment Swap bought me here. I subscribed to this story and recommended it. I'm in love with it. Your characters personality are just so hardcore and have unique personalities, the story is wow, and maybe a few grammar errors. Please update and keep this going.

Shit has hit the roof that has yet to blow up.
Love it, as always
Keep up the good work.

Man, work always gets in the way...
Lovely chapter though <3

I absolutely love your layout, for starters. (Very eye catching!) Though, I think your descriptions could use a little work. Some times I felt the imagery was a little lacking... Although, I love the sarcastic characterization. It's very humorous.

--Joe

First off, I love your layout, it's simple but it's really nice and that's something that I always enjoy when reading a story. Secondly. I love Gisella's personality she comes off so hard and badass but you know there is a heart in there somewhere. I also like how you have a character section; most writers don't even bother. I really enjoyed reading this, and I look forward to more of your work =]

I didn't understand how she was talking to the boy at the beginning and she was having fun and enjoying his company and then she shot him down because his mother was a bitch. I liked that she was chirpy and smiley when she flipped her the bird, but other than that, I agree with LettersToNormandy. You want to have some sort of charisma to your character, charm that makes her enticing if she's going to be a Class A bitch. I like that about her, she's sassy and demanding in her own way, but she doesn't have much of a personality neither is she very personable. They need to have those two things to make it with being a bitch, especially. I felt the same way about her brother's death. If she was uncaring about her brother, and the fact of life and death didn't matter to her, you should provide some reasoning behind it. Other than that, I like this story. Keep going and don't let the mindful suggestions get you down. Carry on. ^^

The first line of your summary was very... well, just it didn't really flow. You were missing some punctuation, or something. The rest of it was lovely though.

"Buried" is how you spell it.

The way she addresses her brother's death feels a bit inhumane... he was playing with fire? He got burnt? Like, I don't feel much sympathy, remorse, or loss there. It's just cold and distant.

When you use motions like shrug, or walked, or danced, or hugged right before or after quotations you want to use periods. When you're using things like spoke, said, hissed, cried, grunted, you want to use commas.

I feel like your MC is a bit hard to like after the first chapter, she's sassy and distant, but not much else. You need some kind of hook for her, because without at least some redeeming or amusing quality she's just rather... well, people may lose interest.

I didn't really find many grammatical mistakes though and your descriptions are very well written. So it was a nice read. Best of luck with it!!

I love the drama! :] The story is great, and the only "constructive criticism" I have is the tiny grammar mistakes, but people have already pointed that out so I don't have to. I like original fiction and yours is one of the most hooking ones I've read. I'd love it if you checked out my story as well just to see what you think of me..[; but of course you don't have to. I can't wait to read more! Subscribed. haha

Whoa that was amazing. I love Gisella's personality and how it can clash with Lucas's. I really really love this. This is my favorite chapter so far. :)

Okay, hello darling! Gotta say, I was bored so I checked out this story before I start writing. I absolutely love it. By the way I want sneak peaks of this from now on. ;)

Love it <3

Oh more soon please!!! Please please please! I love this story

I have to say I love it so far. I usually try to avoid third person stories but yours is really good. I'm subscribing so that I can find out how their relationship is going to go. Keep up the good work! :D

-Comment Swap-

Oh.my.God.

I hit that subscribe button so hard and so fast, I didn't think it was possible. I love the way you write. It's so put together (Save for the few grammatical errors) and clean, oof. It's awesome. and the layout. THE LAYOUT IS SO PERFECT I'M DYING.

Well done, well done, Keep writing. Pretty please!?

I actually think they're cute together. It's such an inappropriate statement but its sooooo true

Im going to be honest. That chapter really got me hooked..

The theme and layout of your story is amazing, and your writing style is just as good. There was a little bit that reminded me of Doctor Who, and despite the few little grammar mistakes, the story was great. You've done a great job and should continue to write. Next time just make sure to proof read and correct any little mistakes before posting, just to improve the quality of your writing.
Fantastic job. :D

Comment swap.

Wow you actually have a very amazing style of writing. It seemed like I was reading off a novel written by a professional author! Good descriptions, good character sketch. You started the story nicely. One advice, please improve the layout.

Nice job :)