Forbidden Sunset - Comments

@ TheVictoriousOne
I'm glad you liked the 2 chapters. I wasn't sure if the readers would like the twist.
I will try and update soon, but it will probably be a few days or more.
Ha-ha . You're so right about that.

@ ebony_goddess
Thanks. I like the song too. It's from the movie Enchanted.
Sorry the video didn't play. I didn't realize that it only works in certain countries.

@ January Rose
Yeah it was great :) I loved it. I even loved Ben's one. The way I laughed when I clicked on his black mask to literally see a black mask. The video wouldn't play because I'm in the UK so had to look for another one that worked :( loved the song though.

OMG! You are horrible! How could you make such an awesome cliff hanger and make us wait for the next update!

But in all honesty I loved this chapter I'm heart broken about what happened to Emily (or whats going to happen to her) but what's a good story without tragedy and drama. I'm anxious and eager for the next chapter :) PLEASE UPDATE SOOON!!!!! I'm falling hardder for this story than Jake did for Emily! Lol

@ ebony_goddess
Thanks! I was wondering if anybody would like the twist -and if they responded negatively I would change the last few chapters.
Thanks for not saying anything! I really appreciate it.
And I liked the photo of Derek to. Pretty cute!
Oh and I made sure that I included what Jake was wearing? Did you like his outfit?

oh this is brilliant. i know what happened. i was thinking why is he being a prick but now i know. Oh no!!! Can't say anything in the comments in case I ruin the surprise for everyone else. Derek was just too fine, SOOOO HOT!!!

@ ebony_goddess

@ Star Angel

@ Lorcan Furey

@ a mimosa pudica

@ ForeverAngel

I have updated! (Yah ) Start back on chapter 11 and then their is a chapter 12 to read too. Enjoy.

@ ebony_goddess
Ben is an interesting charcater. You'll find out what he was wearing and Jake in the next 2 chapters.
I loved the dress too. At first I thought it was a little to pink, but I decided to use it anyway.

Yaaay we get to finally meet Ben :) her dress...outfit was so gorgeous. Would have been nice to know what Jake was wearing as well x really loved this and thanks for informing me lol

@ ebony_goddess
I have updated! And will in a few days....

@ ebony_goddess
Thanks! I thought about the prank for a few days and then decided to write it in.
I liked Jake's castle too.

@ January Rose
Boo :( I'll be waiting though lol and yeah, that prank was just brilliant. I actually thought she was gone, but that obviously wasn't the case and now she can blank her mind at will, thats pretty cool too. Jake's castle was really nice though.

@ ebony_goddess
This was my favorite chapter to write because I love how they just acted at the beach.
Didn't you just love the prank Emily pulled on Jake? Seriously, best prank ever.
The pictures were fun to include, I loved the swimsuit too.
I'll try to update soon, but it probably won't happen for a few days or so.

@ ebony_goddess
This was my favorite chapter to write because I love how they just acted at the beach.
Didn't you just love the prank Emily pulled on Jake? Seriously, best prank ever.
The pictures were fun to include, I loved the swimsuit too.
I'll try to update soon, but it probably won't happen for a few days or so.

@ a mimosa pudica
Thanks for reading!

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I've always liked vampire slave stories and I really wanted to write one. I have learned a lot from just writing this one.

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Thanks for the constructive criticism, I appreciate it. I tried not to have it to fast, but on the other hand, I don't want to use 3 chapters to explain 1 thing. But I'll try to slow things down a bit.
Michelle is kind-of hard to write before she is sort-of bipolar. I'll go over her personality and where she is mentioned and try to change a few things, But it will be a bit hard because her personality is supposed to be bi-polar.
The personality thing, I know needs work. I have never written a story with more than one person telling the story, so I'm working on it and learning how to do it.

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Again, thanks for commenting!

@ Star Angel
Thanks for commenting!
I'll try to about A.SA.P., but like I said before, the next 3 chapters change everything. And I'm not done writing the 1st one! So updates may be a little slow... Sorry.

That was so great :) they were so cute together, just found myself naturally smiling at their bickering. I love also love the pictures, especially the swim suit, that was cute. Will be waiting though for the next updates. Hope you change your mind and update sooner though :)

I finished reading!! Yay, finally caught up!

The concept of the story is good -that's why I kept on reading it. I love a vampire romance story, it always gives me the goosebumps.

Anyway, here's my constructive criticism.

The story was quite a bit rushed, I have to say. From the moment where she was kidnapped to the moment where there was the dinner party and the history discovery of Michelle. Try working on putting things slow and keep the plot flowing.

I wasn't particularly fond of how you have written Michelle. I thought of her as an elegant and wise woman. I kept on noticing that the way you've described her POV was almost the same as Jake's and Emily's. I almost saw the same personality in all of the three characters.

Those are my constructive criticisms so far. I'm still willing to read the next chapter! And hopefully, I get to read it soon.

update soon right now

@ Star Angel
I'll tell you if you're right later!
Just posted a new chapter and they go to the beach!