Four Leaf Clover - Comments

I loved it
Update soon
Amazing chapter

Again I feel obliged to point out errors. First of course is comma usage. (If you're tired of me pointing that out, just tell me, and I'll shut up about it. XD)

You've got some run on sentences in here. (ie. It was getting late and I wanted to get at least a bit of sleep before Arianna would be up, which could be at any time. Should be a comma after "late.") You also need to watch out for things like You're at my house, everything's fine. That comma would need to be a semicolon or a period since there's not an "and/or/but" connecting the two sentences.

There's also things like Having no idea what time it was when I finally rose from the bed again I walked out of the room. It happens a lot in this chapter. That first part Having no idea what time it was when I finally rose from the bed again needs to be attached to the second part with a comma. If it isn't a complete sentence by itself, there needs to be a comma linking it to a complete sentence.

Also note that any dialogue that's followed by "I/he/she said" should have a comma at the end of it. Only time you don't use a comma is when the dialogue ends with a exclamation point, question mark, or ellipses (three dots).

That's it for commas, and I'm going to point out a couple of things you should reword.

I had no idea why I had not become suspicious about the lights being on in about half the house, but as I was passing by the living room and I heard Johnny calling out for me, I did notice. This is technically right, but it reads weird, at least to me. I had to read it a couple of times before I realized what it was saying. Something like I had no idea why I hadn't been suspicious of about half the lights in the house being on. It was only as I was passing by the living room and heard Johnny calling out for me that I finally noticed. would be better.
Speak soon? Again, technically right, but it sounds odd. "Talk soon" or "Talk later" would be better.

Think that covers that.

Onto the chapter, I did love it like always. I was wondering how the guys would get involved, and seeing this, I'm trying to decide whether or not Brian will fess up or just continue lying to them. Plus I want to know how Zacky and Matt come into this as well. Johnny's a nosy one, but I can't say I blame him. If I was in his place, I'd have done the same thing. The sight of Brian holding a passed out girl, both covered in dirt, would be rather suspicious. And I'm curious what Arianna's reaction will be when she really wakes up. I think the only thing that kept her from flipping out in this was the fact that she was dazed and not really awake. I'm not sure what she'll do when she's aware.

Also, have fun in London! :D (Posting this just in case you don't update before you leave.)

Santo Deus, e agora??? E que história é essa que Jimmy e Johnny sabem? HEIN? :'(

Pshhh this was a fabulous update! I would have never known you were having writing troubles if you hadn't told me before hand. That little gnome sure is nosy isn't he? lol!

AWESOME

I knew he was going to follow me. I had heard his feet colliding with the leaves and plants at the side of the road, creating the same sound mine had as I had rushed through them. This is beautiful imagery, if 'the reader' was a camera we definitely saw a close up shot of that in our minds!

I had tears streaming down my face from the shock, from the utter panic, and it wasn’t helping my situation at all. My sight had become blury. I needed to stop crying. Also I love the fear and panic you evoked here well done ^^

The trees at full bloom at this time of the year kept most of the moon’s shine hidden from the world below. Yet another beautiful image, I loved the description in this chapter.

I was looking at the clover lying in my palm, my smile still lingering on my lips as I reached my free hand to my necklace. The tiny metal lavaliere in form of a four leaf clover like the one in my hand. I'd never found one before and now that I finally did have one in my palm it made me think back to when the metal one had first been placed in my palm. Oh God this was so perfect, I can't even. I really I'm lost for words, I think it's beautiful I love it.

Oh wow, that was intense, but it was just amazing, I'm so happy I volunteered to read this because I'm just falling more and more in love with Brian. ;______;
xxxx

I'm loving reading this! updade asap!!! :)

He caught her, I hope he doesn't hurt her!!!!! And that story of her mother was beautiful :) Update soon!!!!

Excited to see what's going to happen next! Hope you update soon! :)

I'm really liking this. I'm wondering what is up with Brian. He is simply some stalker rapist or is he just a really devoted romantic lol. More please! I enjoy your writings.

Ah i love this! I want to say great job and this is fairly creative and i love love love it! A few errors, but nobody is perfect. Great job, xo

I'm going to point out a couple of errors you made before I start gushing about how much I loved this chapter, alright?

First thing is that the plural of "leaf" is "leaves." Don't blame you for that. It's one of those weird English words that doesn't follow the norm.
Also, watch out for comma usage. It's improved a lot since the last chapter I helped you with, but you still have a tendency to add unnecessary commas and forget the necessary ones. Most of the ones you tend to leave out are with sentences like "I had tears streaming down my face from the shock, from the utter panic and it wasn’t helping my situation at all. There needs to be a comma before the "and" in sentences like this, where it's connecting two complete sentences. Also, the comma you did use isn't needed there.
And then there's also the word "blurry." You spelled it with one "r," but it's two. That covers the errors though.

Back to the story, I really did love it. I loved the flashback. I loved seeing that she did actually grow up with parents, because for a while I wasn't sure if she did, and not only did she have them but she seemed to have a great relationship with them. So now I'm just wondering what actually happened to them that left her an orphan. I love the story behind the necklace, and I'm really hoping you play with its significance later on instead of abandoning it altogether like I've seen happen in stories before. I liked the fact I actually could feel Arianna's panic in this as well, and I hate the fact that she didn't get a chance to get away, even though I already figured she wouldn't. "She'd be worth the fight and I knew that sooner or later she would understand that I just couldn't help myself." That last line literally sent chills up my spine, and I am so happy that you ended the chapter with that sentence. It really shows that there is something off with Brian, even though the stalking seemed to do that as well. The fact that he thinks she'll excuse his horrible actions because he "couldn't help himself" scares the shit out of me, even more so because there are people who do have that state of mind in real life. I seriously get more and more excited with every chapter I read. I can't wait for you to post more! :D

Meu Deus... Brian tem o poder de me assustar.

Update soon
Amazing chapter

Crazy ass motherfucker

love it!!!! i love how creepy, and desperate and needy he got once he had her to himself. activate psycho mode ^_^ update soon please!

OMFG!!!!!! This had me biting my nails!!!!! I loved it!!!!!!! Brian is a crazy motherfucker lol one moment so sweet and then a psycho lol Update soon!!!!

Puta que pariu, e agora?!

oh god! I loved this! more chapters pleaseeee <333

Omg! The girl has the exact same name as me! I feel so happy! I'm going to go read the story :)