It Was a Transparent World - Comments

Half-human and half-ghost???? Whoa! That's pretty awesome. I'm interested to see what she will tell Adam, what advice or lesson Night wanted him to learn. I also hope that this leads to a meeting with Myra...at least eventually. I really want them to speak again, one more time.

At first I was wondering why it switched from third to first in one chapter but then as it happened again I realised that it makes sense. Normally I don't like it when the point of view is switched in the same chapter but it just seems to work for this story.

Adam not having time for her is something that many people can relate to, although it's sad that it resulted in him not being able to stop her from killing herself. I can imagine how he felt when he realised that he could have potentially stopped his sister from committing suicide. Although her wishing what she did was so not cool and took away any sympathy I had for her. Completely.

Anyway, this is a really strange story but strange in the way that I don't think I've ever come across a story quite like this before, and it's truly different. Sure, there's been ghost stories and stories about the limbo between heaven and hell but none that have been like this - none with characters like Night and situations like when she cursed her brother like she did. It lacks a lot of detail that you normally find in stories but, I dunno, it felt right like it was. As if being saturated with too much detail would have ruined it.

I am quite interested to see where you're taking this next as it appears to still be active, so I'll definitely be along for that journey. But yeah, this feels like the perfect Halloween story because it features ghosts and vengeful ghosts (in a way) when she cursed her brother, something which is associated with the holiday.

I did really like this and enjoyed reading all twenty two chapters. Sorry it's taken me a while to get this comment done, I'm a pro at procrastination.

@ PhenoBarbiDoll
You're welcome! I really can't thank you enough for supporting me! It has boosted my confidence so much! And I'm
very excited for the next arc too. Because it's the toughest challenge for me till now, and I have a lot of world building to do there.
I'm so glad you mentioned Myra. I thought Night would back first place for sure haha. Thanks again!

Awe! Thank you for the special thanks. I don't think I can ever tell you how much I love this story. It's so unlike most of the things I've read here, and the world you've created is so unique and interesting.

I was literally doing a happy dance when he asked her to join the Warrior's League. I had the same feeling she did--excitement that she belonged somewhere, that she was fitting in with someone. I'm eager to see how this unfolds for her. As for my favorite character...I don't think I can pick just one! They are all so three-dimensional and real and I love that each has strengths and weaknesses. However, I guess if I had to choose, I would say Myra. She's a lot stronger than she thinks she is, a lot braver. It hurts that her life carried her to the point of death, but I believe she'll do great things with her afterlife. Night is a close second, though.

@ Theo Rossi;
Thank you! That's so nice of you!

Okay I'm going to say that I love the summary and the way you opened the story it is very interesting. I love the way you wrote this. I'm gonna say that I'm really loving the concept of the story and how you are showing the concept. The description for the story is pretty amazing and something that I always look for in a story.

@ PhenoBarbiDoll
Aw thank you! You're such a sweetheart <3 I hope I can portray the three of them acceptably... Thanks again!

@ aubree james.
Thank you!

Pumpkin Spice Latte Time!

So this is definitely a cool concept. I really like the back story that her brother contributes to your plot line! There's quite a bit of depth to your main character and her story. Some of this is taken out from the choppiness of the story. While some of it is effective, I feel like we lose a lot of emotion in the way you've written...it's a bit dismembered? I'm not saying to write a sonnet about her undying feelings, but just to elaborate maybe a little bit more? I think it'd make a big difference! Great start, keep up writing what you love :)

Okay, I'm all caught up now. (I was one of those who almost missed 19!)

I feel so much for Myra. It has to be confusing to be in this situation, trying to figure out if you love or hate your brother and why exactly you cursed him to begin with. It seemed like a logical reaction at the time--vengeful, but logical--yet now...And the idea of him not forgiving her for what she's done??? I can't even handle that. It breaks my heart. I understand why he wouldn't, but still. I think this just hits me really hard because I'm so close to my brother. The fact that the two characters this centers around are siblings makes me feel a certain kinship to them.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that Myra finds it in herself to forgive him, and that Adam gets some answers. I like that Night offered comfort to Adam, letting him believe his sister is happy and in Heaven. Smooth move.

@ JamieAllOver.
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed this!
And no...Night's finger turning black has nothing to do with Myra or Adam...

Honestly, when I first started reading this, I thought it was a sort of incest thing where she loved him in a way that he wouldn't love her, which drove her to suicide. Not that that's a problem for me or anything. I've probably written worse. This is excellent, though. The short chapters make it a nice and easy read, but you add just the right amount of descriptions into it that it's not incomplete in any way. The one thing I'm not too sure I understand is why Night's finger turns black when he takes off the ring. I want to say that's because Myra hasn't forgiven Adam, but maybe I'm reading too deep into it? I definitely have to give props for there not being any mistakes (that I noticed, at least, and I'm so picky about things like that) as well as the fact that you can successfully go back and forth between first and third person. And the addition of The Guide to Wandering Souls was a cute touch for a girl who's practically obsessed with Beetlejuice—Handbook for the Recently Diseased Deceased. An interesting story that I'm definitely subbing to!

@ Tipsy Returns
No problem! :D

@ Mrs. McCarron
I'm so glad you liked the update! I'll try to put up the next chapter soon. Thank you so much for staying!

This just gets better and better....

I have to admit, I loved the slight twist there when Night was playing devil's advocate, so to speak, and asking her "Isn't this justice?" However, I'm glad that she came through and shot the arrow, killing the beast--and apparently revealing the Gate to Hell??? I must have another update now! XD

@ Indigo Umbrella
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed!

Here I come, to smash up your mailbox. Lol.

This story is awesome! It's an interesting look at hauntings from both sides, and I like that you have your own mythology and rules that apply to the spirit realm. I love that there's still so much left to be discovered about the story and this little universe you've created. I can't wait to see how her brother deals with this accidental "gift" she gave him. And I hope they reach him in time!

@ louis tomlinson.
@ Sleepinginnightmares
Thank you!

@ Halloweenlover
Yep, everything will be explained as we move on. I'm so glad you liked this! Thank you!

@ domi823
You are...? Man, ty!

I'm here from my candy bowl :D

I am loving this. The first few chapters were so creepy. I like the way this is portrayed because there's a creepy voice reading this in my head. Plus, I'm picturing everything black and white like an old horror film.

I haven't read the whole thing yet, but I'm planning on it! Myra interests me so much. So young and yet seems somewhat mature.

You have a great story here! I'm definitely subscribing :)

Candy bowl! Wow, this story is amazing! I'm so glad I decided to read all 17 chapters you put up! It just got better as I went further along. I love all the characters and I think each one of them are unique. You have a way with words, because I was immediately sucked into the story. The layout is beautiful! The haunting black and white of the layout is what really makes it stand out. I love ghost stories and this one is very good!! It's interesting that she saw ghosts when she was alive. Will there be any back story for that?

Well you did a great job on this!! :)

I love this, I haven't read the whole story yet but so far it's really good. At first I kind of though Myra was a demon because of all the little giggles reminded me of them. It's kind of sad that almost nobody had time for her. Chapter 3 was amazing, like she's dead? what... what...??