Claimed^
Lambs & Lions
- gotham's finest.:
- Title, Layout, Summary
So, at first I thought the story would be about a girl who comforts all her friends. After reading the summary I realized I was dead wrong. I like how the title refers to her position and how the title of her position sounds all innocent and fun but it’s not. Because after reading the summary we all know what the comfort girl is. I feel like the title is appropriate and it draws me in.
The layout is pretty and simple: two things I love because it adds to the story without adding to much and being way to distracting. I like how it’s also sort of deceiving with the layout being all pretty and uplifting and then the story having to do with slaves and rape and abuse. (Also, I have a thing for old manor houses and the picture helps.)
The summary is perfect, it gives just enough without telling you the whole plot. It also doesn’t leave me sitting there scratching my head wondering what the story’s actually about.
Chapters/Characters
With just the first chapter you give us enough information about Adelaide without boring us to tears with her backstory or leaving us sitting in the dark because we know nothing about her. You also do a very good job at making me hate the slavers and the Kings with just a few sentences.
Your style is good; there isn’t that total ignorance some people tend to write with when they write about slaves. Your speed is great, you don’t rush the story nor do you drag it along like a dead dog. It’s in the perfect median. Your grammar is great, nothing jumped out at me at all as being wrong. It’s evident you worked hard writing this. It's realistic, is great paced and you do a great job pulling people in.
You’ve got a good story with promise to be great once it gets fully rolling.
June 16th, 2013 at 06:13am