Take It With Me - Comments

NO! HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO LEAVE HER!! STOP HIM WITH A SHOE, QUICK!!! *falls over while desperately trying to pull off shoe*

Ugh, son of a biscuit eating bulldog >_<

Okay, so the part where there was a lamp in the middle of the floor made my night =D

And I feel bad for not commenting about the rest, but seriously, that part made me laugh.

I'm in love. I'm in love.
I love how he's just happy that he scored but that there are subtle hints at his feelings for her.
The thought of him leaving is completely heartbreaking. Especially after they have spent the night together.

Poor Kitty.
She's gonna be so devastated when he leaves.
She wants him so much and hopes that his feelings are genuine.
I hope she doesnt get hurt.
I'm such a perve that I got excited when I realised that they had done it.

Okay, so basically we have to throw a shoe at Tom's face for thinking he can do that, leave, and come back and expecting things to be fine....
and I have no idea with Kitty.

I feel like it took me forever to read the past two chapters.
Not to read them but to get myself on the computer to read them.
I feel baaaaad.

I love it.

What a charmer ^_^

I'm wondering how she'll get back, if she ever does.
It's perplexing. How did she get there in the first place? o_O

I actually danced a little when he kissed her.
This is perfect. I love how he is all sly and smooth.

"Oh, yeah. The horizontal tango. I know it well," Tom grinned, waving the bartender back over.
From now on, when I refer to dancing, I shall call it The horizontal tango. I love it.
Katie! WHY ARE YOU SO AMAZING?

"I know it," Tom beamed. "You want to dance?"
He so meant that. It made me laugh out loud.

You know what else that I love? How he calls her 'kid.'
It just sounds like something he'd do.

I'm in love with this story.

Katie, you have done it again.
I didnt think it was possible but, you have made me love this story even more.

The way you describe Tom on stage is perfect, my love.
You pinned him down so well.

A random girl in the audience let out a squeal, and Tom grinned, his eyes still shut.
I don't know why, but this made my heart jump. I could just imagine him smiling and being all gorgeous.

"I’m fine, thank you,” she replied, keeping her eyes on Tom, who was still making out with the microphone.
Perfect imagery, my love. Absolutely perfect. That is basically what he does on stage. Has a full blown make out session with the mic.

I love you katie.
I can not WAIT for the next chapter.

HOW DOES THIS STORY NOT HAVE MORE COMMENTS?!
It makes me thoroughly disappointed in the tastes of the people on this site.
Was that too dramatic? I think not.

I adore Kitty, I really do. I love how you write her off as this innocent but strong woman.
She has her dignity and she knows how to stand with them. I love it.
And the scene with Earle King made me laugh.
I pictured it all in my mind. Except it was all a cartoon o_O

You know what I really really love about this story?
It's how well you write Tom.
I mean, I know I might've said it before, but seriously, I don't think there is anyone on this site who could do it better than you. It's almost like you've spent so much time with him.
You manage to capture his mannerisms and little characteristics so well, it makes this story a joy to read.

And it's not only Tom.
You've established Kitty's character so well that we almost know her and her reactions but it's great when she surprises us.
I mean, I never thought she would fall for Tom but she did and I almost leapt into the air when she realised that she actually liked him.

Latest chapter was amazing. I could picture it so clearly.

“We’re gonna have a good time tonight, doll.”
Makes me wish that I was going out with him.
Marry me, Mr Waits?

This story is beyond amazing. I don't understand how it doesn't have more comments.
I absolutely adore your writing, the plot, the characters, everything.
I am falling in love with Tom and I really hope he doesn't abandon her like he was thinking to.

Story Review Game
I am going to review chapter two, since chapter one has been done twice before.

The first thing I want to say is that the dark layout with the dark font isn't very readable. I had to copy and paste this into my microsoft word just to be able to read it. So you might want to change that. Or maybeI just have awful eye sight, who knows.

The first thing I want to say is that I believe you are supposed to spell out numbers. Even if that's not a rule I would. It looks bad having '20' start out the chapter. It looks unprofessional to me, so I would change that.

listening to bad Eagles cover tracks-- this sentence is confusing to me. is Eagles a band? Is Tracks a song? If so it should be capitalized and you need an a before bad.

The years being in numbers is fine by the way. You don't need to spell out two thousand ten. >.<

be a gentlemen a gentleman--he's only one person. so that needs to be singular.
gentleman and take her in, take care of semi-colon after in.

“My parents are Catholic.” Okay? Maybe it's just me because I'm not catholic or anything, but what does that have to do with anything? My family is Christian and my grandma had seven kids?

to do, then all was and then all was

----

It seemed interesting. There are just so many stories out there about musicians on tour and getting some girl to go with them or whatever, so I'm glad that you actually had him THINK before being like HEY COME ON TOUR WITH ME AND WE'LL FALL IN LOVE AND THEN YOU'LL HAVE SEX WITH THE SINGER/GUITARIST/BASSIST/DRUMMER AND THEN WE'LL GET INTO A FIGHT AND I'LL LEAVE YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE.

So thank you for not doing that. It's interesting so far. So, yeah, keep it up. XD

I love how Kitty is starting to kind of bend to his ways.
She doesn't really like the fact that she wants him to notice her now and it's incredibly cute.
Oh and when Tom is dealing with womanly stuff, like earlier in the story when he was buying perfume, I like how he gets all kinda awkward -
"And some makeup, even though I don't know if it'll be... the right color, or whatever. But here you go, anyways."
Truly amazing, Katie.
You never fail to impress.
Update soon, pleeease!?

Story Review Game - Chapter one

Smoke drifted out from the back door of a club, a cloud of choking substance accented by the smell of whiskey and bourbon.
- The opening sentence was perfect. From your choice of wording, I already have a very vivid place setting in my mind of where your story is occuring.

He decided on the last one.
- The inner conversation that he has with himself on how to deal with the girl really tell a lot about your character. You've done a really great job in developing his character in the first few paragraphs of the first chapter.

And it said 12/4/2010.
- When I read the summary and I saw that you had mentioned two different dates, I had sort of suspected a time-travelling story. And I wasn't disappointed. : )

From what I've read in the first chapter, I can tell that you are an amazing writer and you're going to do some really great things with this story. Time-travel can be a concept that isn't always pulled off correctly but I think that you'll do fine with it. I mean, if the first chapter is any inclination.

Overall, you've done a great job with this chapter. I really like how you've brought the future girl back to the past instead of the other way around. I mean, it seems to me like the easy route to take would be to write in a world that you've experienced, however I like how you've taken the somewhat harder route and bringing the future girl back to a world that you don't really know anything about.

Anyway, you've written a great first chapter : )

-turns into archimedes from Sword in The Stone- WHO? WHAT WHAT?
(If you totally didn't get that reference then just ignore )
Tom is leaving her? Why? OMG NO!
Katie, you little minx. You seriously know how to make your readers want more.
I wanted them to have little Waits babies but then again, the earth would probably explode due to confusion in the time line.
RANTING! I LOVE THIS STORY!

Aw they're cute. I like that he cares about her a little more than he should. I love his music.

GURL, I'M FINALLY UP TO DATE WITH THIS.

I love where this is going. I love the way you write. I love how you portray Tom and Kitty. I kind of guessed that Kitty would fall for Tom. I mean, pfft, who wouldn't? xD

And I'm going to sound extremely weird here, but I loved how you described this:

...raking one of his fries through a puddle of ketchup

I mean, if it was me, I would have just said something like, 'Tom dunked a fry into his ketchup'.

You blow me away, Mrs.
I love how you stay true to the characters and keep the innocence of Kitty and the ruggedness of Tom.
Simply amazing, my love.

I love how you gave us a view into how they were both feeling.
Seriously, Katie, the way you describe things is amazing.
I soo wanted to be in Kitty's place.
But yea, I can't believe she is falling for him, it's actually kinda nice.
I love how this story is progressing.
Amazing.
I WANT MORE!

I'm beginning to feel sorry for Kitty.
At first, I was insanely jealous of her getting to stay with Tom but then I realised that if I were in her situation, I'd miss home as well.
And let's just say that Tom isn't exactly helping with being all moody and stuff.
Still, I like how he is just being himself around her and she is confused as hell.
Like I have said many times before, I am in love with this story.
Update soon, my love.