My Calamity - Comments

so i have nothing better to do at 1 in the morning (and no sleeping is not an option ;D) and i found this story! (im so glad i couldnt sleep! xD)
*subscribes*
I adore it!! its just too cute! i love the characters alredy and its only the 3rd chapter!
i cant wait for you to update!
more soon! xD

I'm diggin the formspring idea. And of course the story.(:

I have to agree with coup de foudre.!
You're only on the third chapter and yet I absolutely adore the characters. I can't wait for the next chapter :)

I think this is going to be a kick butt story. I like how the idea of Patrick being all over Penelope instead of the girl usually going for the guy, which is common when the story is told from the girl's point of view but since the both of them share each side of the story it works. I can't wait to see what you're going to do with this story.

This is actually really good so far.
I can't wait to see how you'll develop their relationship later on.
It's definitely an interesting way for them to meet.

Anyway, I hope you update soon because I think that I'll be keeping an eye on this.

Character formsprings! That's such a great idea! hahaha! This is really great! Update soon pleaseee :) Even though you just updated... because that's how I started reading this and... yeah :)

ahh i absolutely love this story :)

Story Review Game
I love the layout, the light pinks and periwinkles are very complimentary and pretty.
As well, those fan made banners are rad. XD

Prologue
caught is eye caught his eye
I like the two different perspective thing in this, it's interesting.

Chapter One
I have never heard of the name Bryonie in my life. The tense in this is a bit awkward, the present tense is always hard to write in that's why I never do it. You always seem to shift back in and out of it, making it inconsistant and hard to stay with. So I would recommend writing in past tense.

The bit about the two girls not going to college together confused me. What's wrong with them not going to the same college? People get accepted in different places, happens all the time. They pick the school that best represents what they want to do with their life.

There's a smile on my face because damn, when I'm good, I'm good. I don't understand this sentence. What does that mean? When I'm good, I'm good?

I sigh at my sister's sensitivity to my feelings. I get that this is sarcasm but others might not. I would change it to lack of sensitivity.

past Briar do you mean past Bryonie?

a leisure pace in a leisurely pace

except mine of course, I don't understand why she's left out of everything. It makes it sort of cliche and to be honest aggravating. The fact that she has to have everything be different about her is really...over the top.

my red hair in maybe think of descriptive words of red instead of just red. like my cinnaberry hair[etc].

and from it is blood heavily, this is awkwardly phrased. try and from it blood is flowing heavily.

"Are you alright?"

A voice like God himself. these last two sentences were kind of off. Not the dialogue but the last one. I don't like how it's just randomly A voice like God himself. Maybe try, says a voice like God himself. *shrug* Just a suggesstion.

It was very interesting. I can't really tell from this first chapter what the story is going to be about though. Which normally is what first chapters are for, setting the story up. This really doesn't. I felt like it's just showing that she's annoyingly left out of her family, then randomly stuck in there is the fact that she has hemophilia and is clutzy. I think you can add a bit more detail to make this flow more easily and seem a bit more natural.

Hope this helped.

Wow, I love the way you write, and the description that in this.
I do very much like this, and I can tell that your a good writer.

Oooo I really like this!

this is really good! I like your writing style.
Good job :]
subscribing

I like it a lot so far! contiue please!

I just stumbled upon your story and I completely adore it! *subscribes happily*
I have to agree that the writers on Mibba don't really write about siblings and family. It's a nice change :)

ooh this is adorable!
i like it :)
Update soon please.

AWWW!!!
I love his point of view. I completely adoreded when he first saw her....
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Aww, that is so cute!

I like it:)

Okay, I realize I never commented on the chapter but rather the summary.
I do really like what's going on here.
It's an interesting concept, and I'm truly interested to see where it goes.

The layout's fantastic, and even in the first chapter, Penn's personality is known. Her sense of humor's just fantastic and well-written. The character's page is also great because you put their signs there instead of a description. It's intriguing.

Quick question: was she being serious about being a hemophiliac? Or was she being sarcastic?

Although the style of writing seems simple, it's very effective, and realistic.
You have a lovely way of reflecting the character's views, and the last line was perfect<3

The layout's beautiful, too.